Pixie's Chronicle: Even More Chaos

I really hate these periods where the universe conspires against me to prevent me from getting any writing done. Or just having any proper chill time to myself in general. I literally feel like a sim with that bar above my head that's turning red from exhaustion. Any moment I'm just going to collapse and fall asleep on the floor lol. Actually, that probably isn't too far from the truth since I'm one of those weird people who can literally sleep anywhere. Oh to just have some much needed re-charge time. I hate being an introvert.

Of course, the main source that's been keeping me from writing is work again. My manager and my supervisor have still fallen out with each other, so for the past few weeks, things have still been chaotic at work. That includes me filling the position of supervisor for no extra pay... joy. I actually ended up putting my foot down and ranting to both my manager and supervisor about it. You probably don't remember, but the same thing happened to me last year, and I swore that I wouldn't be so stupid to fall into that trap again. Luckily, my manager was really understanding and tried to cut me some slack. My supervisor on the other hand... well... she let me down big time. I constantly have her back, but now I'm really beginning to feel like she doesn't have mine. I've constantly had to cover her shifts at the last minute because she's had a fight with her boyfriend and been too upset to come into work. Yet the one time I needed her to cover for me due to a rota error, she refuses. 

Basically, because of the whole 'great fall out' situation, another manager has been writing our rotas for us. My manager had booked this one particular day off because it would be her birthday, and unfortunately, that day happened to clash with promotion change. I don't know how it is in other places, but when a promotion change is occurring, either a manager or a supervisor has to be present for it and carry it out. Makes sense because it's a pretty big deal and it needs to be done right. Whatever manager worked on our rota obviously wasn't paying attention properly, because they had put me in as being in charge that day... which obviously couldn't happen because I am neither a manager nor a supervisor. When the error was finally realised, of course, we had to call in our supervisor who originally had a day off that day when she wasn't supposed to. Our supervisor knows the drill, and she also knows how anxious I can get when I don't know what I'm doing, and she knew that our manager had booked that day off well in advance. Yeah, I think you can see where this is going: she refused to come in, leaving the entire job to me. I can't help but feel like if anyone else did that, they'd be fired... I definitely wish I could just point blank refuse to come into work.

Originally, my manager was going to cancel her vacation in order to do the job, but I refused to let her do that and said that I could handle it. I couldn't promise that everything would be accurate, but I could handle it. It just didn't seem fair to me that my manager should have to cancel her celebrations just because the supervisor couldn't be bothered to come in and do her job. Even though I was confused and panicking most of the time, I did actually manage to get the job done with no major incidents. Though admittedly I was feeling pretty salty when my supervisor texted me afterwards asking how everything went. Well, dude, you wouldn't have to ask me if you came in to do your job. I ended up outright telling her that what she did was unfair and that we're all supposed to be a team. 

I don't think my temper was helped by the fact that I'd lost my therapy slot. Basically, here in the UK, if you want therapy provided by the NHS, you have to be put on a waiting list. Yeah, funding for mental health services is s**t. Screw the government. Anyway, because of all the stress that's been going on at work, and because I've been working so much overtime, every time a therapist tried to get in contact with me, I was at work and couldn't answer my phone. Then, because I was so stressed and tired by the end of my shifts, I kept forgetting to call them back. I know, it's my own stupid fault for not keeping on top of things, but still, it was hard not to feel let down and annoyed at my supervisor who had essentially caused this whole stressful situation. I can only hope that she's learnt her lesson from it. 

Needless to say, because of her behaviour, my supervisor has now been fired from our branch and transferred to another one, and she's well and truly on her last warning with the company. I am sad to see her go, despite how much hassle she was giving us in the end. As much as she annoyed me these past few weeks, she's still my friend. I just hope that she can take some time to reflect on herself and improve her attitude. Because it just wasn't flying with us anymore. We're always bailing her out, yet when we need her help, she's never there for us. 

Unfortunately, this does mean that we're a staff member down and without a supervisor. So guess who now has to work that job for no extra cost until we get a new one? That's right! It's me! Originally I was offered the position myself, but there was a catch in the contract that meant I would have to adhere to being possibly sent to other branches of the business to help out. Yeah, me and travel and new places don't mix very well. The last time they tried to get me to cover in another store, it took them half an hour to calm me down and get me into a coherent state again. It was my own fault for not being originally honest about my mental health issues. One of my major issues is anxiety around travelling and public transportation. I don't have my driver's license, so I rely on it. Which is kind of stupid given that I'm scared of it, but driving lessons and tests are the UK are expensive as hell. Jowy was super shocked when I explained to him what you had to pay for and what it cost. 

To cut a long story short, I had a massive freak out, and the managers realised that I was in no fit state to be able to cover other stores. They can work around it in my current position, but not so much if I was to become a supervisor. The only reason I can get to work okay is because I'm very familiar with the routes. Anything else and I become a mess. Trains and buses are such a huge weakness of mine. Especially if it's at rush hour. When I do manage to convince myself to take a new bus or train, I have to have these little OCD rituals. I have to have a water bottle with me in case I start choking, I have to have a plastic bag with me in case I throw up, I can't eat anything beforehand in case it upsets my stomach, I have to stay away from large crowds of men (no offense to any males reading this), if the bus/train is busy, I have to sit on the aisle seat or be standing nearest to the door... though in fact, I always need to be near the exit in general. I'm getting anxious just writing about it all. I get some very weird looks when I'm preparing to travel. However, this is rare since I can never manage to get myself to use a strange train or a bus anyway. 

And that's why I can't travel to work at other branches. So yeah, needless to say, I'm not properly ready for officially taking on such a position. But thank goodness for one of my former colleagues who has decided to return to our branch to take the position, yay! I love this woman so much! She's one of those amazing people where you just can't think of anything bad to say about them. She's so sweet and kind. I really have missed not having her around. So if she does get the job, things will definitely be much more fun at work. That, and I won't constantly having to be working a bunch of overtime. It also means that I'll finally be receiving some proper training, and they'll be helping me with my travel issue, which is awesome! I really do feel lucky over how much help I get in my job; I know some people aren't as lucky with their employer. 

Until this gets sorted though, I still have to work a bunch of overtime to compensate for a missing supervisor. Plus, another colleague of mine now has to self-isolate because her daughter tested positive for COVID. So we're now incredibly short staffed. I'm having to work six days a week, so that means I'll definitely not be able to get any proper writing or updates done over the next two weeks. There might be a chance we can get some cover to help out, but I'm not holding my breath. No one ever wants to help us out, and when someone is forced to cover for us, they trash the place. The only thing that'll get me through those long shifts is the fatter pay check at the end of it all. Which I desperately need with Christmas now only three months away. Yikes. Luckily, I think I already roughly know what I'm getting everybody. 

With it being October, that means it's officially Halloween! Woohoo! Spooky, scary skeletons! October and Halloween are definitely my favourite time of the year! I just love the atmosphere! I love the weather, the spookiness, the costumes, and the smell of pumpkins (yeah, I'm one of those freaks that loves the smell of the inside of pumpkins). I just wish that Halloween was as big of a deal here in the UK like it is in the US. You Americans certainly know how to have fun with it. My plans will involved spooky video marathons with Jowy, of course, as well as our annual tradition of re-watching Hellsing Ultimate Abridged. No clue why that last one became a Halloween tradition, but it just did lol. I think my manager also plans on having us all dress up for work, so that should be fun. It will at least make work a bit more interesting since I feel like I practically live there right now. I finally had one day off today where I figured I would get this blog post written to keep you guys in the know. 

I just hope that we can get some more staff in at work soon, otherwise it'll likely be another two weeks before I can sit down and properly work on a next chapter for one of my stories. My brain is definitely teasing me over this, because I finally had a burst of inspiration for Go and Conquer, and have finally figured out the next chapter. So yeah, I'm hoping that will be the first story that I can get updated when this whole mess has calmed down. Especially since it will be officially one-year-old this month, wowzers. Feels like just yesterday I started writing it. Writing for the Hellsing fandom has been so much fun! 

It still looks like there's going to be delays on the release of Madness Unleashed, since I still haven't heard anything from my beta reader. I just hope that they're okay, that's all I'm really concerned about. Like I said, if I still haven't heard anything from them in the next few weeks, I guess I'm just going to have to start officially writing it without them. I'll feel really guilty doing that, but at the same time, I do want to get the story released. I just hope that you guys understand that updates for the story will be on the slower side since I'm still taking a step-back from the Miraculous fandom. I've had a few people agree with me that that fandom has a major toxicity problem. The minute you express a slight difference in opinion, you get eaten alive. Not to mention, apparently us fanfic writers are robots in their eyes. I wish I was a robot, trust me. But a girl needs sleep and to work for a living. But rest assured that I do have the first chapter drafted out in my head and that I haven't forgotten about the series. It just keeps hitting a few snags that have prevented me from publishing it as soon as I would have liked. 

In the limited free time that I have had, I've just been doing my usual chill stuff. The biggest news is the fact that I now have a new laptop! Yeah, Jowy finally made me let the old one die a dignified death, and now I have a new one, thanks to Jowy picking out an actual decent model for me! It's super fast and just... not broken! Stuff doesn't take a million years to load, and the best part is... I'VE GOT STEAM UP AND RUNNING AGAIN! YAY! That was the most exciting part! It's been nearly two years since I've been able to access my steam account. I have no clue why, but my old laptop just decided one day that it didn't like Steam anymore, which is weird, because my Origin account (and by mine, I mean Jowy's that I hack into) kept working just fine. All of my games on Steam kept glitching and some of them just refused to work at all. But oh well, I have it back now! 

Of course the first game that I loaded up was Terraria and I made Jowy play with me! It felt so good to be back in the PC version of that game! Naturally, it didn't take me long to set off a booby trap and die. I make the game entertaining if nothing else. Jowy also killed a pixie, and I don't know if I should take that as a threat or not. So whatever treasure she was leading us to will now likely never be found. Nice one Jowy. Also there was one point where I literally died for no reason. The game alluded to me falling to my death, but I hadn't? My character just spontaneously exploded. Speaking of characters, Jowy and I also accidentally made nearly identical characters. I couldn't believe it when the game loaded up. I know we have similar taste sometimes, but come on! What are the chances?! Overall, I've had a lot to catch up on in-game. There's been so many updates since I last played, so needless to say, I was in for the fright of my life when I came face-to-face with my first ghost. And the moment I discovered cactus boulders were a thing is something I won't be forgetting in a hurry. Honestly, f**k the desert biome. Ice is where it's at. Also, f**k the fact that NPCs now prefer to live in their own preferred biome. I liked keeping all of mine close together in a little village for ease of access. 

I've also been successful in managing to check my Animal Crossing island every day for the past few months, even if it's just to talk to my favourite villagers and check the shop. I've been quite proud of myself. I'm hoping to get my island all decorated for Halloween and upload it to the dreamscape for you guys to have a look if you want to. LycoRogue, I still need to get those blue roses off you and your husband! 

When I've not been playing games, I've mainly been sketching. In the past, I have done mini doodles for my stories, but never anything serious. I thought it would be a fun idea to doodle Luna and Lily from my fic Double Trouble, and now it's turned into me sketching characters and scenes from most of my fanfics. I'm thinking of maybe uploaded them onto my DeviantArt and maybe also onto my blog. I'm far from the best artist in the world, but I find drawing to be really relaxing. Especially after the end of a long shift at work. I drew my very first Sebastian, from Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler), the other day, and it turned out a lot better than I thought it would. I never realised before, but when I was drawing him, I noticed that he had a 'can I speak to the manager' hair cut. Y'know the ones that most 'Karens' seem to have? It made me giggle to myself. So yeah, now I can't look at Sebastian the same way lol.  

I just hope that my colleague does decide to transfer to us soon, as I'm really missing doing some proper writing. My head feels like it's going to explode from all of the ideas and inspiration that I have. However, I was able to channel some of that energy into helping another fellow writer, Oxford Not Brogues. I was shocked when they messaged asking for my thoughts on one of their ideas. I was like, "Me? You want... my advice?" It's always a weird feeling, especially when it's a writer whose work you have admired from afar for a while now. You should check them out if you enjoy Hellsing and Black Butler. Crossovers are more their speciality, and I never realised before just how well a Hellsing and Black Butler crossover would work. The universes blend so well together and I could totally see it. 

Until work decides to finally calm down, I hope guys can be extra patient with me. I really am sorry about all of this, but it's due to circumstances beyond my control. I really do appreciate every single review and comment that I have been receiving in the meantime. Also, I apologise if it takes longer than usual to respond to PMs on FanFiction as it seems my PM inbox has glitched and it's not letting me know when people have been sending me messages. I don't know if anybody else has been having that problem? I'll have to try and keep remembering to physically check. It's the same with my ask box on Tumblr. It never sends me a notification to let me know someone has posted something there. 

Anyway, I hope that you guys all have an awesome Halloween, or October in general! Remember to stay safe out there and to take care of yourselves! 

Reviews of the Month:

"You are an amazing writer. And the plot/characters/themes... just so good.

Thank you! I cant wait to continue reading when I get home!"

- theheidilynn, Amicus

"I think you really captured Seras’s personality in this, please keep going it’s amazing."

- She's got everything I need, Go and Conquer

"I know it's been a while since you finished this story, but I found this goldmine a day ago and haven't been able to stop reading!

I love that you are dedicated to realistically portraying mental health issues that Adrien and Marinette have. You give us all the reality, the "ulgy" truth. I don't have PTSD, but I had severe depression for a good 4 years and it's touching and comforting to see you treating all this with such delicacy and accuracy. Thank you for this...

[PART REDACTED DUE TO PERSONAL INFORMATION]

...I say this to pay you the highest compliment I can give: thank you for writing this chapter. Thank you for giving respect for this situation, and your respect for how you have written this accurately and without judgement. You're not using this in a dramatic, trauma-just-to-have-trauma kind of way, as I've sometimes seen in a few first.

Reading fics as good as yours is a way of helping me come and sympathize with my own struggles, where I can relate to the characters, and I am grateful you have dedicated your time to Madness Within. I don't know if you'll ever see this, but if you do, I hope you're having a wonderful time right now! Happy writing, xoxo"

- Isa, Madness Within

"First off, you're an amazing writer. The details, the dialogue, the emotions are so deep and enthralling... You have worked so hard on this story, and have given it for us to freely enjoy, and I'm personally grateful. I came in when all 41 chapters were already up so I haven't been around much, but it seems like there's been some issues and I am so sad to hear what's been happening concerning this story, and in your personal life- which no one should have ever made you feel like you had to reveal in order to explain yourself. Coming from a person who deals with mental health issues as well, it breaks my heart to hear of strangers bullying you over a story, and I think you're incredibly brave for putting yourself out there (that's one of the reasons why I fear posting anything now). I think this is the longest and most deepest Miraculous story I've read so far, and I was hooked from the beginning so I'm all in lol. My friend, I love your story! I hope you are encouraged and that you feel better!"

- Kiari Ferrari, Madness Within

"This is so good !! I dont understant why there isn't more comments !!!

Thank you for this ! I Hope it will ne update soon ♥️♥️"

- Lh, Go and Conquer

"- Seras is a mother, warrior and badass who may surprise us more and more. I adore this person, many see her as a naive and innocent little thing but ... from childhood she fought violently for revenge, to survive, to protect ... She is a force of nature and I can't wait to see where you take her.

- The witch: haaaa I have a little idea, something tells me that the witch of the future and the one of the present who will bring back the girls are the same person! But that, I will have to wait to read it ^^

- Alucard: find shelters, right ? I sincerely wonder his reaction to the wild Seras and especially to the lies, necessary, of Integra.

- Lily and Luna: oh wow I love them

Anyway,

I love

I love it I love it

Et j'attends :) (i'm waintig)"

- Lg, Double Trouble