Pixie's Chronicle: Still Disorganised

I am literally writing this right now in the small window of time I managed to snag after getting home from work. Yeah, as you can probably guess, things have been a little bit hectic again, and finding ways to balance my time has been really hard. Though having said that, I still think I've accomplished an alright level of work, especially with how busy I've been. It's been another one of those weeks where everybody just seems to want a piece of me.

It has been a really long week. Oy vey. I've literally been working none stop for two weeks without a single day's break from everything. And for me, that's bad. I need my rest time. I've been handling the stress a lot better than I usually would, but at the same time, I've still been tearing my hair out over everything. There is literally not enough hours in the day.

The main reason I've been so busy this week is because one of my work colleagues has resigned unexpectedly, so I've been covering all of her shifts. So on top of my shifts, I was doing hers as well, and on top of that, I was also working my other job. So this week, I've been working seven days straight with no break. With all of that going on, I'm surprised that I actually managed to get the latest chapter of Madness Within written and updated when I did. Oh yeah so if you haven't read that already, you can do so by clicking here.

Which brings me onto an interesting point actually. Those who have checked out my DeviantArt account recently will have probably already seen all of this, but I wanted to bring it up again in my blog. I've noticed that when I have been receiving constructive criticism for Madness Within, the same points are always raised: how repetitive it can be; how unlikeable Marinette is; how Marinette keeps going around in circles. I mean, that's kind of the point. I thought that people knew this - I'd certainly pointed it out enough times.

So had I gone too far?

Here's my thoughts that I published in my journal on DeviantArt:

"I'm noticing a trend in the constructive criticism that people offer for Madness Within, and this is something that I keep debating with myself as a writer. Am I sacrificing entertainment for realism? One thing that always bugged me about fanfictions that featured a character suffering from a mental illness, was that they always seemed to quickly recover, and we never see their journey of actually healing, along with the trials and tribulations along the way. That was a trap that I didn't want to fall into. I wanted to really explore mental illness, what it does to people, as well as be realistic with how people recover.

But in the process of doing this, have I sacrificed entertainment?

A few people have been complaining that the story can get repetitive and that they're sick of seeing Marinette going around in circles with her recovery. All of that was intentional to accurately represent the issue of mental illness. That's what it's actually like. Life is repetitive for them and things do go round in circles. People can be feeling better one day and then depressed the next. It's not a steady road, there are constant bumps along the way.

But should I have taken it this far? In the process of trying to create an accurate representation, have I created a story that people are getting bored with? A story that annoys some readers? It's always difficult to strike a balance between realism and entertainment, especially as far as representing issues are concerned. Are people so used to the trope of quick recovery that they want to see it in my story too? Or have I just taken things too far and as a result some elements of my story are poorly written?"

Luckily, I did manage to strike up a bit of a debate with some people about this, and I think that LycoRogue and Jowy Avilon have provided me with the most interesting pieces of advice on the story:

"Grain of salt since I haven't read Madness Within yet.

First and foremost: this is fanfiction, and it is YOUR story. If YOU want to tackle the realism of mental illness, than YOU stay true to that. Will you get people who don't get it and whine about it being repetitive and no longer entertaining? Sure. Obviously. However, you will never be able to appease everyone.

What about the people who see themselves in your story? Who feel that backslide? Who is glad someone is actually showing what it's like to suffer as they do? What if they're too shy or drained to leave you reviews begging you to continue? Personally, I think they're the more important ones; the ones who see themselves in your work, and don't have many stories they can say that about.

Regardless of if you have more fans than haters, more haters than fans, you're helping hundreds feel represented or just one person, the main thing is what do YOU want to tell? Would you feel the story would suffer if you didn't write it the way YOU want? Would you regret changing tactics?

If you were to write this as original work to be professionally published, yes, a publisher and/or editor might want you to refine a touch. But this is FREE READING and FOR FUN! So who cares what would be professional? You do you!"

        - LycoRogue

"I have to agree with LycoRogue on her points. Especially the point of this is your story, you write it as you please. People that suffer from mental illness don't get a lot of representation in any form of media, especially entertainment ones. When they do, it's either poorly done and over romanticized or played for laughs. People who have mental illness need better representation, and I think you're providing that. If other people don't like it or find it repetitive, then in my opinion tough. This is the true side to mental illness, people don't just magically recover quickly. It can take years, if they recover at all. And to those people who complain or want something different I say, there are other fics out there you can go read if you don't like it. There are even fics by Pixie that isn't focused around the element of mental illness, go read those. Don't try to drag her and her work down just because ONE story isn't what you agree with.

So to your question, yes you should have taken it this far, because it's the story you wanted to tell, and one that needs to be told. This isn't a story other people want you to tell to satisfy them. It's not poorly written, the people that don't like it are probably just uncomfortable, and don't want to be made to feel like that. To that I say, good, be uncomfortable to those who are, because this is the truth behind mental illness. It's dark, it's hard, people don't recover quickly, and most importantly, it sucks. And as a final note, I say once again, if you don't like that, it if makes you too uncomfortable, you know where the door is."

        - Jowy Avilon

So I think I've got the hint that I should probably just continue writing Madness Within the way I have been doing and the way I have planned all along. I've tried to find balance with that story, but if I sacrifice too much of the realism for the sake of entertainment, then it's not going to be an accurate representation of the issue of trauma, grief and mental illness. So many people have privately messaged me, telling me their stories and struggles with mental health, and then telling me how much my story means to them because of how accurately I've captured the emotions and process of it all. I don't want to let those people down. And for what? To make Marinette the perfect, amazing Mary-Sue character who never makes mistakes or hurts people? Because the arduous repetition of mental illness makes my writing look bad? Because of the slow-burn? Marinette and Chat Noir aren't going to get together because they're two dark tortured souls, effectively romanticising mental illness, and, realistically speaking, would create a toxic relationship. Marinette and Chat Noir are going to get together because they're evolving into better people and are trying/want to get better.

Phew, that little rant ended up going on longer than I thought. Well, it's not really a rant. I'm not mad or upset with the people who left such comments and suggestions, as I know that they were just trying to help and voice their opinions, which they have every right to and I actively encourage. I just think that maybe these people have missed the point or were hoping for a different kind of story. So no, I don't think I'm going to be sacrificing realism for entertainment. I'll always keep working to improve, but I refuse to go down the quick fix route in terms of storyline. Life's a bitch. Maybe it's time we had some fanfiction that actually properly reflects that.

Anyway, I'll shut up about Madness Within now. Though I will say that the story will likely be updated this Friday, so be sure to keep an eye out for that.

Because I've been so busy at work, Chat Vert ended up being pushed back, and will now likely be updated on Tuesday. However, while at work, I have had time to daydream and plan my stories, especially Immortal Bond and Professeur Noir. It looks like things will be calming down at work next week, so I'm hoping to get some hardcore writing done, and especially get Immortal Bond published again very soon.

My AO3 account has ended up being neglected again which is really annoying me. I just haven't been finding the time to edit the chapters I've been wanting to upload. Again, I'm hoping that with things being quieter next week, I can get right back onto that. I still haven't found the time to publish Chat Vert onto that site either. Not that I'm expecting the story to be popular on there, but it certainly gives me the incentive to re-edit my already published chapters and tidy them up a bit. Because ugh! There are so many stupid typos that I always miss, no matter what.

However, my editing bug has been helped by helping Jowy Avilon, who's hoping to get back into writing fanfiction again. I don't know why, but despite the fact that I can't seem to edit my own work properly, I'm really good at editing other people's. So yeah, he's effectively hired me as his editor. You can check out his fanfiction profile by clicking here, which I recommend if you're looking for Mega Man, Metroid or Sonic the Hedgehog fics to read.

Considering I've been so busy this week, I actually don't have that much more to talk about. I don't really have much time to type stuff out anyway since I'm starving and want some dinner, and also want to have a tiny bit of relax time before bed. I'm especially brain dead after all of the stupid people that I've had to deal with today. And I've got to do it all again tomorrow. Help me.