Pixie's Chronicle: Chaos

Ack, I'm so sorry for how quiet things have been from my end, and for the lack of updates on... well... anything and everything. Things decided to become super chaotic again, especially at work. Even though I've had the motivation and desire to write, I just haven't had the energy. I've been working so much overtime and it's left me exhausted. I feel like I'm practically living at work at the moment, especially now that things have kicked off between my manager and my supervisor. So yeah, I'm caught in the middle of that and it's really awkward. I hate conflict. It feels like they're my parents fighting over custody of me. 

This past week, my manager and my supervisor have fallen out with each other big time. Honestly, it feels like being back at school. They're both my friends and I love them both, so I feel very much caught in the middle. Both have done things wrong, but my supervisor has taken things to the extreme now that even I'm having a hard time defending her. I know that she doesn't have any malicious intentions but... well... she needs to grow up and stop acting so rash. Basically, things have been awkward at work for a while and tensions have been building between my manager and supervisor. My manager isn't the most organised as I've already explained, and my supervisor was starting to feel like all of the work was being dumped onto her (it wasn't). I can sort of understand why she felt that way, especially since other managers within the company hog so much of our manager's time, and I've told her repeatedly that if she has an issue with it, then she needs to talk about it. Because she refuses to talk about her issues to our manager, me and my other colleagues have been feeling awkward and caught in the middle as a result. 

It started getting to a bad point where customers now keep making complaints about my supervisor, and she keeps crying in front of customers. It's been pretty awful. I try to be there for her as much as I can, and every time she has started crying on the shop floor, I've had to drag her into the office, but obviously when I'm not on shift with her, I can't do that. She randomly started crying in front of one of my colleague's young daughters, and now her daughter is freaked out by the whole thing and won't stop asking her mother if our supervisor is okay. Now my colleague won't leave her children alone with our supervisor. I have no clue as to why she was crying that time. She'd stated earlier that she'd forgotten her purse and she couldn't get herself some lunch, and so I offered to buy her some food as I was heading in to start my shift. I usually popped into the bakery nearby anyway on my way to work since I have become very addicted to their food - especially their cheese on toast. Apparently my colleague had also dropped off a cup of coffee for her when she was out running errands, and as she went upstairs to use the bathroom, that's when she started crying in front of her kids. I really don't know what to make of the whole situation. 

But then I didn't end up thinking too much of it since she had the week off work after that. Things were busy but relatively normal while she was gone, but when she returned last Sunday, that's when all hell broke loose. My manager and I had been sorting through a bunch of stock since we had a whole bunch of pills and creams that had been sent to us by mistake and we didn't know what to do with them. I messed something up by thinking I could cram it all into one shelving unit (I couldn't), so then I accidentally delayed things with my manager having to fix my f*ck up. This meant that we had to leave whole boxes of stuff next to where we had been working since we didn't finish sorting it in time for closing. No big deal. I would be in the next day to sort it all out. 

My supervisor was to be in charge the next day and I woke up to a sh*t storm. We have a WhatsApp group chat like most workplaces do now, and our supervisor had left a message on there, cursing at us for that stuff being there and demanded to know why, basically just being rude and disrespectful. Our manager then... absolutely... lost... it. She kept spam calling our supervisor, but she wouldn't pick up the first few times. Then, when she finally did answer, she burst into tears and our manager screamed at her for talking to us - especially her - that way. At the same time, my supervisor was messaging me freaking out because she knew that she'd messed up, but at the same time was pissed off at our manager, and then, out of the blue, she then reported our manager to the higher-ups. Needless to say, our manager's manager was NOT pleased. He tried to humour her by hearing her out and saying he would help sort it, but you could just tell that he hated having to babysit these people when he had other more important stuff to do. It was so embarrassing and made us all look immature and pathetic as a result. 

I asked to be kept out of it, hoping that, as much as I often try to help and support both parties, that I wouldn't be tied with the same brush as one of them. I felt stuck. But at the same time, I remained as honest with both my manager and supervisor as possible. I told my manager that yes, she did ditch us a lot at work, but that's because the other managers keep relying on her for EVERYTHING. And I told her she was a disorganised mess, but that was more down to a clash of our personalities. At the end of the day, even though she forgets things, leaves things until the last minute, and messes up the paperwork, she has done a lot of good for the place, and I told her all of this. We laughed about how disorganised she was and how freaked out and uppity I could get over it thanks to my perfectionist nature. I've always been honest with her since the start. When she does something to annoy me, I tell her. And vice versa. Our supervisor should not have kept it all bottled up like that, because now she has exploded and acted rash as a result, causing chaos. I was honest with my supervisor as well, telling her outright that she handled it all very badly and that she shouldn't have done what she did. Turns out she knew all of this and is now terrified as a result of her actions, but I'm finding it harder and harder to have sympathy for her when we're always left to clean up her mess as a result of her emotional impulsivity. 

This whole thing is now one big mess. The two of them refuse to work together, so now our rotas are all weird as a result. We're all now having to work MORE overtime because our supervisor is having to be sent elsewhere until a mediation meeting can take place, something that we're all convinced she doesn't realise the severity of. Our boss' boss is not our teacher or parent or babysitter. The only time we need to be going to him with problems is if it's something incredibly serious, not when we feel put out by another staff member. It's made us look all very bad and we're so embarrassed. No doubt the rest of the company know what's going on and are laughing at us. Literally all of this could have been avoided. It's left me emotionally and physically exhausted due to trying to be there for everybody, and working extra overtime to compensate for the shifts where my supervisor would normally work with my manager. 

Needless to say, our manager is less than impressed by the whole thing. I'm really worried for the future now as I don't want anybody to be upset or quit/get fired as a result. But I doubt there's a way to go back from this. I could smack my supervisor over the head for the way she acted. Now we're all dealing with the consequences of it. I've been dreading going into work, worried about what's kicked off now or what they're going to be saying about each other. To make matters worse, my supervisor hasn't even apologised for the way she spoke and the language she used, despite knowing she's done something wrong and that she's offended and upset everybody. I just hope that things can get sorted in this mediation meeting. 

Drama at work had been quiet up until that point. Apart from the usual building collapses and people being threatened at knife point that we experience. I had one Karen experience where a lady kicked off at me because we had run out of water retention medication. Apparently that made me rude and unhelpful. What did she expect me to do? Magic it out of thin air? But that was made up for by a really nice customer I had who said he always thought I was very lovely and gave the most helpful advice. I could have cuddled that sweet old man, but meh, there's still a pandemic going on. The nice customers can really make all the horrible Karens worth putting up with. I've also been so busy at work that I haven't even had time to study for my exams. I really need to focus properly on this module as well, since it annoyingly involves ratios and percentages. But hey, at least I'll know how drugs are made. That sounded way weirder than I intended it to, but hopefully you know what I mean. 

A few weeks ago, I also finally had my second COVID vaccine. It was a weird experience since the doctor didn't even really prepare me properly like they usually do. He just asked for what I was allergic to and once I answered he practically stabbed the needle into my arm. For the next few hours I felt fine, but then as if a switch had been flipped, I suddenly felt like I had been hit by a bus. I didn't feel ill; my whole body just ached. But it was enough to render me useless. I just spent the whole day sleeping it off, or trying to anyway. Sleeping when all of your muscles feel like they're on fire is not easy, let me tell you. But I'm glad I didn't experience the nausea and the headaches that most other people seem to have experienced. 

During this time, I did try to work on some writing, but like I've already said, I've been too exhausted to work on anything for long periods of time. The next chapter of Amicus is partly written, and I am hoping to have that finished and posted within the next few days. I'm hoping that Double Trouble, and Reflection will quickly follow. But thanks to A. S. Oswald, I now have another Kuroshitsuji fic idea that won't leave me alone. We have the most pleasant history conversations about cholera and all of those wonderful nineteenth century diseases. By the way, if she ends up pulling an April Fool's Day prank, then I'm sorry, but it was me who accidentally inspired her to do it. I can swear to you that I didn't encourage her though lol. So yeah, I've been scribbling lots of notes down for that new story idea. Plus I also had a few new Hellsing fic ideas. My poor brain is just a mush of ideas right now with little to no outlet. 

But at least I was able to lend a somewhat helping hand to LycoRogue with some of her stories. I hope anyway. I'm not always the best person to ask for serious feedback from since I'm always like, "oh my god that was amazing!" I can never really think of any constructive criticism. LycoRogue also ended up inspiring a blog post idea; gathering all of the evidence that Adrien has feelings for Marinette. I know he already technically has feelings for her since she's Ladybug, but hopefully you know what I mean. As far as he's aware, Marinette is a different person. Ugh, this 'love-square' can make things so hard to explain sometimes. We both ended up going on rants about all of the different evidence for his feelings for her. Once the both of us get set off, there's no stopping us hahaha. 

I'm guessing most of you have also probably noticed that I have now officially discontinued Chat Vert, and Professeur Noir. I felt awful for doing so, and I hate giving up on stories, but those ones literally were not going anywhere. I'd reached a complete dead end and had lost my muse. Luckily, everyone who commented was really understanding and nice to me. At least this also gives me a chance to focus more on Madness Unleashed and Immortal Bonds, as well as my fics for other fandoms. I've been tearing my hair out for the past two years over those stories, but now I can officially lay them to rest. If anyone wants to adopt those stories, feel free to do so. I'd be happy to point people to your versions of the stories if that's what you want. Just message me any time. 

Speaking of the Madness series, it looks like the sequel might be even further delayed. My beta reader seems to have disappeared. I haven't heard off them for a while, and I messaged them a few weeks ago to check in with them, but so far, I have received no reply. I haven't even had any edited chapters emailed to me. I hope they're okay. I guess if it comes down to it, I can always still publish Madness Unleashed and then my editor can just catch up afterwards if they want to. I'm going to give them a few weeks and see what happens. You guys just might have to deal with all of the stupid typos that I miss sometimes when editing my own work. I really am sorry for the further delays, but I hope that the wait for the sequel is worth it. 

By the way, I've noticed a sudden huge increase in traffic on my Hellsing fics. Have I missed something? Has someone said something about them? Because damn, I suddenly had a huge influx of readers out of nowhere. Not that I'm complaining of course, I was just confused because it all came out of nowhere. I really appreciate all of the new faces that are appearing in my review and comment sections. I've even become mutual with some people whose work I have admired from afar for a while now, so that's always exciting! 

When my brain has not been vomiting over my notebook, and I've not been at work, I've been mainly using any free time I have to try and relax. Of course, this was mostly done by playing Animal Crossing. I now have a five star island and have caught a giant clam and an isopod! Yippee! I know I sound really sad right now, but those things have been my white whales for the longest time now. This all only just serves as definitive proof that my last island was cursed. If you want to see my new island, I've finally uploaded it into the dream realm. My address is DA-4920-0385-7711. Feel free to leave me your own dream addresses if you want me to see your islands, and hey, I'm always down for adding any of you to my friend's list on the Switch. Though if you visit/dream of my island, or become my online friend, I use my real name, so don't get confused if you were expecting to see 'Pixie'.  

Apart from that, I've mainly just been chilling with Jowy. Though we keep running out of stuff to watch on YouTube. Most of the best content creators seem to be jumping ship - not that I blame them. And Jowy isn't in the mood to play Terraria with me! And I think he's finally gotten tired of me beating him in chess.

If all goes well, I should have a few extra days off this coming week. I think even my manager is sick of me having to work so much overtime and feels sorry for me. I definitely need the time to re-charge, get some chores done, and finally get around to some proper writing! Right now I'm living in a dump because I've had neither the time nor the energy to clean properly. I hate it. I can't function in mess, yet I'm a messy person. I'm such a paradox of a person sometimes and I end up annoying myself as a result. But I'm definitely looking forward to finally getting some writing done! I sure have missed it! So yeah, make sure to keep an eye out for story updates and blog content. 

Up until then, I'm going to TRY and remain sane. I ended up having a huge anxiety attack the other night thanks to all the stress I've been under. I became convinced that I was going to projectile vomit everywhere, and I became convinced that I had food poisoning. Yeah. I don't think it helped that since I was too lazy to cook, I ended up just ordering a McDonalds. When eating McDonalds food, there always seems to be a 50/50 chance on whether it's going to upset my stomach or not. But it always sits like a rock in my tummy after I've eaten it. I have no idea why I do this to myself. I never learn. Thanks to all of that, though, I'm super tired. I had hoped to maybe catch up on a bit of sleep last night, but nooooo. On top of the crippling anxiety, a spider decided to bungee jump onto my face in the middle of the night. I had no idea what it was at first and instinctively brushed it off my face. Then, when I turned my light now, there was this giant, fat spider just staring right at me. Naturally, I screamed and threw a book at it. It was then even harder to get to sleep after that incident. 

I'm not having much luck with bugs lately. It's spider season, so they're everywhere, and on top of that, a random earwig popped up out of nowhere while I was at work. I didn't know what it was before as I'd never actually seen one before. I freaked out and grabbed the bug spray, but instead of spraying it like a normal person, I just threw the can at it instead. But hey, it least it was still technically doing its job. I just can't wait for summer to end so all the bugs can crawl back into hell where they belong. That, and the hot weather will finally go away. Bring on the cold! It's just like my heart and soul! 

Anyway, I'm going to be getting some much needed rest, and I think I've ranted on for long enough. Once again, I apologise for the lack of story updates, but I'm hoping that will all change within this coming week. So yeah, keep an eye out. I hope that you guys have all been doing okay and staying safe. If you can, don't forget to get yourself vaccinated. Take care out there!

Reviews of the Month

"Wow. I don't even know how to put into words how much this story means to me, how much I loved reading what you wrote. Thank you for sharing this with us.

And I'm so sorry that the experience was so different at the end from when you first started writing this. As a reader, I hope you can find the motivation to keep this story going. As a writer, I know that might not be the case and I only hope that whatever you choose to do, you keep writing. You truly do have the gift for it."

- tiramisubites, Madness Within

"I really liked this one! He's such an evil SOB and I was hoping he'd give her some closure... but he's a turd, to put it lightly! Her emotions and body language was natural and I could see the scene in my head as I read. I always enjoy your writings. Keep up the amazing job!"

- ChibiRinni, Evil For Evil's Sake

"This is so awesome. Literally couldn't put it down once I started. Can't wait for the next chapter!"

- Akuma3445, Reflection

"I just got out of my college class, and I get an email that there was a new update. I can't tell you how excited i was to see it. Love the new chapter, can't wait for many more in the future!"

- Zutzuy, Double Trouble

"Wow. Just wow. I’ve got to say it’s the best Miraculous fic I’ve ever read. This is top tier storytelling. Hands down. I’m so looking forward to the next part, especially to see how Chat and Mari’s relationship develops and what’s going to happen with Rena Rouge. Kudos to you dear author! <3"

- Sappho, Madness Within

"OH MY GOODNESS. This is *Italian hand gesture* perfect! I love this story so far, and your writing does an amazing job of bringing everything to life.

The details you’ve put into describing everything make the story flow incredibly well. The slow incline in how Seras feels in regards to the twins was written beautifully, and then the aggressive drop that gave her that animalistic vampire quality when Integra crossed the line did an amazing job of showing that Seras isn’t just a goofy character, but an incredibly dangerous threat when pushed.

And the twins are so cute!!! Lily and Luna have such a cute dynamic, and you definitely showcase the fact that they each take after Seras and Alucard, while also being a couple of silly kids.

The concept and execution for this fic is so freaking good!!! You’ve done an amazing job so far, and I know that if you decide to continue with this fic, that it will be absolutely phenomenal (I mean, it already is phenomenal, so phenomenal x 10?)

But regardless of what you decide to do with this fic, just know that while I was reading it, I loved every second of it!!!!"

- Managerr, Double Trouble