Pixie's Chronicle: I'm a Mess!

What's up? I'm starting to think I should just make a Pixie's Chronicle as and when I feel like it. Sticking to a schedule just doesn't seem to want to happen. Plus, maybe once a week is just too much and I doubt you want to see me rambling about random crap every week; it will allow me to focus on other blog posts. But still, I like using this to get stuff off my chest, discuss random things, as well as bounce off of you guys since I always find your own thoughts on things really interesting. Maybe Pixie's Chronicle will now be more of a once a month thing? That's probably the most likely scenario. 

Anyway, disorganisation seems to have been the theme of my life these past few weeks. Of course this was mainly thanks to work again. Our place is always rescuing the others and giving them staff for cover, but yet the one time that we needed help back when we had to self-isolate, they trash our place. We're still not one hundred percent recovered from that. I only just found out the other day that they had changed our password to the admin system and just didn't bother to tell us. Needless to say, I was super confused when I accidentally logged out, only to find that the original log-in information no longer worked. How that woman who took care of our place that week still has her job, I don't know. Is she that incompetent in her own place? It's a little worrying. My manager actually ended up putting her foot down and losing her cool over everyone begging us to cover for them. The company has hundreds of businesses across the country, with around fifteen in my region alone. I find it hard to believe that we're the only ones who can help at any given time. Ugh, I could rant about this issue forever. 

Overall, things at work have been pretty intense. Someone was stabbed to death right outside the building in broad daylight which left us all pretty shaken up. I myself ended up getting into a fight with a shop lifter who helped himself to a bunch of our expensive probiotics. No clue what I thought I was going to achieve, I just kinda jumped the guy and ended up clinging onto his backpack to try and prevent him from escaping. Of course 5'2'' me didn't stand a chance against the bloke and he got away. I wasn't hurt, but my manager suggested whacking them over the head with something next time... as a joke... okay maybe at this point we will seriously punch the next person who steals some medicine. I wouldn't mind if they were sick and using it for themselves, but they're selling it for illegal drug money, pure and simple. And I'm the one who gets into huge trouble when hundreds of pounds worth of stock goes missing. 

The police don't care and are absolutely useless. Last time some dangerous drugged up lunatic came in while some officers just happened to be walking by, they really couldn't care less. We begged them for help to make him leave because he was scaring us, or at least stay until he left on his own, but they just sighed in annoyance and did nothing. Not to mention the last time I called the police because some crazy guy was trying to break in and was threatening me, I got told off for working during the pandemic. Like? Hello? Did you not hear what I said?! There's a nutter trying to smash his way in and do who-knows-what! But the dude on the end of the line was just like, "can you truly be classed as an essential worker?" Ugggghhhh. I ended up just slamming the phone down and hiding for half an hour.

I kinda make it sound like the town I live in is a post-apocalyptic wasteland and... well... I'm actually having a hard time denying that fact hahaha. There are worst places to live, and the town and area its located in are actually quite pretty, it's just the people that live here that are horrible. My town has a huge drug problem, and I mean HUGE! Plus a huge violence problem. Within the space of one year, four people have been murdered right outside where I work. Well, I think one of them was a shoplifter trying to escape by jumping off the roof of a five floor building (yeah I have no clue how she thought that would work either), but I have no clue of the full story on that one. And yes, these things do happen in the middle of the day, in a busy town centre, with hundreds of people about. 

So yeah, with so much death and terror around, life hasn't exactly been a barrel of laughs for me lately. Because of this, I haven't been able to get much writing work completed. I've either been too traumatized, too exhausted, or a combination of the two. Other than all of that, at least work has been somewhat quiet...? Aside from being a crime scene most of the time, nothing else has really been going on other than just working long hours. At least this has allowed me some daydreaming time and I have way too many ideas piling up inside my brain. I feel like my brain is ready to burst from how much is crammed in there. I've written it all down and done some designs and all that, but damn it! Why can't my work just magically write itself within the span of a few seconds so I could publish it and make some room in my brain! I might actually have to file a restraining order against the muses for a while. That, or make them harass LycoRogue for a bit. 

I suppose the only other bad thing at work is that bullying colleague seems to be trying to worm her way back in to some sort of commanding position. She's already had a go at one of my colleagues and nearly made her cry. She talks to people like garbage and it drives me mad. Granted, she's nowhere near as bad now that we've switched regional managers, but still, just hearing her voice on the other end of the phone line is enough to sour anyone's day. I openly admitted to my manager that I don't like this woman and that she scares me. I think she was a bit taken aback since the two of them have always got along so well, but I'm someone who, if I don't like someone and the way they behave, I make it clear. Not in a nasty way, I'd never purposefully try and hurt someone, just more like a, "look, you go your way, and I'll go mine," kind of way. If you're civil to me, I'll be civil back. 

Annoyingly, I also haven't been sleeping well again, so that makes writing even more difficult. For some reason, my PTSD has decided it wants to flare up again, and I keep having really vivid nightmares. In fact, they're so vivid, that I actually wake up not realising that I have been dreaming at first. I have no clue what to do about this. I have been taking my medication properly, and none of my usual triggers have been happening or around me. I might have to mention this when I have my next mental health evaluation with my doctor. Problem is, I'm worried they'll just try and stick me on a different medication. Sertraline is the only one that has any effect on me. Any other anti-depressants just put me into a catatonic state. 

To be honest, my mental health in general just hasn't been too great. I've been anxious for literally no reason a lot of the time. I feel bad for poor Jowy who I keep pestering for reassurance. I'm too scared to talk to people in case I come across as clingy and needy. Even writing this I'm worried that I come across as crazy. Maybe that's why I've been feeling so tired as well. Constantly being on high alert is exhausting. I guess (and hope) that this is just a random rough patch. The world around me is a disorganised mess which makes me more stressed and anxious, what with work being busy and unpredictable, and I haven't been able to get much cleaning and laundry done. Life has been piling on top of me a bit. 

Pretty much the only work I've managed to accomplish writing wise is finishing Madness Within on AO3, and releasing another chapter of my fic, Double Trouble. So yeah, not much. My lack of updating is making me feel twitchy. There's just not enough hours in the day, and not enough energy in my body. So as a result, I've been spending most of my free time hanging out with Jowy since my unpredictable work schedule means we hardly get to spend much time together sometimes. We've mainly been binge watching jacksepticeye's playthrough of Subnautica Below Zero. I'm half tempted to get the game, but my stupid Steam account is still broken. Not that my laptop would probably be able to handle the game anyway. 

Game wise, I've mostly been playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons (of course lol), and I've become addicted to 51 Worldwide Games as well. So far, nobody but the computer can beat me at chess, but that's because I can't read and predict computers. The amount of times I've made my brother rage quit is hilarious. Right now I'm trying to complete the impossible difficulty for Renegade, which is, well, impossible. I swear I used to be good at that game. Same goes for Blackjack. But of course, my Ludo curse remains. I always always lose at that game no matter what or who I'm playing with. It's the same for monopoly as well. It's really weird. I just have the worst luck in those games. Always have done. 

However, even though I haven't been very productive, it seems that you guys have been. My lovely editor, keysmashcharlie, has an exciting project in the works! They're going to be *drum roll* publishing a physical copy of Madness Within! (Don't worry, we're not selling it - please don't sue!) I fainted when they emailed me to let me know that's what they were doing. It's going to feel weird holding a physical copy of my work. I'm starting to foam at the mouth just thinking about it! We're both working to edit through the story, though not so much on my end right now given how exhausted I've been lately. I really can't thank them enough for their hard work and dedication!

Another fan project that may soon be in the works is a story based on Madness Within by inkyrable. She messaged me on Tumblr the other day to ask if she could, and of course I said yes! Whether her ideas will come to fruition, who knows, but if they do, be sure to send her as much love and support as possible! I still find it funny how she calls me senpai. I've never been anybody's senpai before. I'm usually the one obsessing over the work of other people, not the other way around. 

My birthday came and went at the end of last month with not too much to report on. But that's a good thing. Normally bad stuff happens on my birthday which is why I don't look forward to them too much. I can't believe I'm 24 now. Barf. I'm reaching that age where every birthday starts making me realise just how fast time is going and that I'm well on my way into adulthood. Pffft. Me? An adult? Don't make me laugh. I still cry every time the pizza delivery guy rings the doorbell, and I have to get my mum to answer the door for me. I will never not be a child at heart. Toys and games are fun, why bother denying it? The only aspect of adulthood that I've managed to nail is being tired all the time. Go figure. So yeah, I'm very happy with my stuffed toys, pillow forts, cartoons and other silliness thank you very much. 

Things with my grandma seem to be settling down now too. She's back home and luckily hasn't had any huge confusion fits or hallucinations in a while. Although my mum did end up receiving one abusive message off her sister, but that was pretty much to be expected. Once that woman has drunk a whole bottle of wine, out comes the phone with the social media blasting. She's like a 12-year-old. No offence to 12-year-olds. They probably behave far better than what she does. I just try to tune it all out. 

Luckily, I have a week off work approaching soon, so I'm hoping to get some writing done then. I'll be properly starting work on Madness Unleashed, though I can't guarantee a publish date. Some time in the next few weeks is the best that I can give you. I just hope that the abusive comments don't start back up again. Things have been fine on AO3, it's FanFiction where the problems occur. Like I've said before, I really don't want to have to disable anonymous comments, but I will if it becomes too much of an issue. I just can't be bothered dealing with it all. I'm also hoping to be updating Amicus, Reflection, and Go and Conquer that week as well. I may even work on a few smaller side projects at the same time. 

Speaking of side projects, here's a little sneak peak at a bunch of my OCs from my fanfictions that I'll be making profiles for. See if you can guess who they are, what story they're from, and what personalities they might possess. Some of them will be obvious, and some of them are from stories that I have yet to properly write and publish. I've left Nina out since I've already published her official profile on my blog, which you can read by clicking here. I just wish I could find some decent software that can make my male OCs, because they're literally all female based (which is kinda creepy and weird). Again, if anyone knows any good sources, let me know. So far Anime Avatar Maker has been the best I can find. 

As well as OC profiles, I'll also be working on some more writing tips. The main one I want to create is British vs American English since that sometimes tends to cause some confusion when people read my work. I have some Americans who don't understand the spelling differences and terminology, which can also confuse people who are not native English speakers, as they have been mainly used to learning the Americanised (or 'Americanized') version of English. I just figured it might be something interesting and helpful. I'll be explaining the differences and including translations. It may also hopefully help any Americans who have a British character or want to set a story of their own in Britain. Plus it might help you understand some of my fics a bit better lol. So yeah, look out for that blog post at some point over the next week or two. 

Aside from all of this, I have managed to get some reading done. And by reading I mean binge reading Hellsing and Kuroshitsuji fanfictions. I'm also starting to drift towards Overlord work. Lord help me. I wonder if the next season of that is going to release anytime soon. I just hope there's no weird lizard sex in the next one. Yeah, if you've seen the anime, then you know exactly what I mean lol. I could not take that seriously ahaha. 

I still need to get around to watching the latest episodes of Miraculous, but that hasn't really been high on the list of mine or Jowy's priorities. We were starting to find the show a bit slow; Jowy more so than I. I still love it and will be seeing it through to the end, it's just my eagerness has gone in favour of other things, if that makes sense? Which is sad, I know, but I don't think the toxicity in the fandom has helped so much in that regard either. As far as season four is concerned, I won't be doing any full episode reviews. I'll finish the ones for season three and still do my usual seasonal round-ups, but that's it. Otherwise I just end up repeating myself a lot. 

Anyway, I think I'm done here for now. I hope that you guys have all been taking care of yourselves, and remember that just because some restrictions have been lifted in a lot of places, it doesn't mean that the pandemic is over. Remain cautious and considerate of those around you. I hope that you all have a very wonderful week and I'll see you all again soon.