Pixie's Chronicle: I'm Alive! Barely...

I have gotten into the really bad habit of neglecting my blog again, and I really am sorry about the lack of news on my end. Real life got hectic like it usually does and it felt like I was trapped in some sort of tornado, which sounds fun, but can also be very dizzying at the same time. But I think I'm out the other side - for now at least. I'm just now locking myself away and trying to fully recover. I don't know about you guys, but the easing of lockdown certainly hasn't helped. Don't get me wrong, it's great that things are going back to normal and that we're winning the fight against the virus, but as an introvert who has social anxiety disorder on top of that, the sudden re-emergence of people can be very overwhelming.

So yeah, this past week I have been feeling very on edge, especially at work. Things have gotten super busy again, and I've been finding it a bit hard to cope. Now that streets and shops are busy, my anxiety has gone bonkers. I was in a bakery just yesterday, and I nearly had a full-blown panic attack over how chaotic and busy it was. I had only wanted to grab some breakfast before my shift started when some crazy drunk guy came in and started ranting on about how we didn't need masks as he would protect us all from the virus. Just how he would do that, I'm not sure, but it was both funny, sad and scary all at the same time. The place I live and work really is weird. My manager's from out of town, and she can never believe just how crazy some of the people in my town are. It makes things... interesting I guess?

Anyway, back before lockdown began to ease and after my last blog entry, things were super chaotic. My supervisor went on sick leave because she had a mental breakdown. I'm not too sure what happened, but one of my colleagues had just started her shift when she found our supervisor huddled in a corner and rocking backwards and forwards, crying her eyes out. A bunch of customers were kind enough to sit with her and try to help. My manager wasn't too happy though, but I tried to defend my supervisor by explaining that us mentally ill folk can often control our mental breakdowns as much as an epileptic can control their seizures. We don't lose our minds for the fun of it. I think she understood where I was coming from, but she still wasn't completely happy with the situation. But I think the doctor's note ordering that she was to go on sick leave helped her realise just how serious the situation actually was. 

As a result, it was up to me to fill in the supervisor position for two weeks while she recovered. I didn't get paid extra for the extra responsibility, so I was pretty salty over that, but hey, I really don't mind doing overtime as long as it's nothing too ridiculous. I mean, more money in the paycheck, right? I just had to survive two weeks of added pressure, and I'd been in worse situations beforehand when I was practically managing the place. Besides, what else could possibly go wrong?

Pffffft bahahaha! Everything! Everything went wrong! 

Things didn't start off too badly, especially because we haven't heard from our bully of a colleague in a long time thanks to the regional manager switch. I managed to get through the first day without incident, but the day after was when all of the problems started. I woke up with really bad stomach ache, but didn't think too much of it. But it kept getting worse throughout the morning to a point where I nearly collapsed in the middle of my shift, it was that painful. My manager had gone walk-about again, so I was all on my own. I felt like I was going to puke any second. Finally after what felt like an eternity, my manager finally reappeared and practically had to force feed me some pain killers because I was just that out of it at that point. She then sent me upstairs for a break, and I nearly fell asleep in the stockroom on a bed of busted gluten free oats. 

My stomach then had a horrendous upset moment before all of a sudden I felt fine again. It was really weird, but stuff like this has happened to me many times before when I'm super stressed. But still, the pain had taken it out of me and I was left feeling exhausted. This also wasn't helped by me slicing my finger open, meaning my manager once again had to bring out the first-aid kit. I swear, I'm the only employee who ever needs that thing lol. I never bother to write my little adventures in the accident book because all the book would include is: 'Pixie fell down the stairs'; 'Pixie burnt herself on the kettle'; Pixie trapped her fingers in the poster display'; 'A whole shelf collapsed on Pixie'; 'Pixie slipped and fell when the place flooded.' And yes, all of that stuff has actually happened to me hehe. 

For the rest of the week, I was still super exhausted. I wasn't getting enough sleep, and just overall didn't feel like myself. It was the rotten feeling I usually feel when I'm overly stressed. I don't cope well with it, and it heightens my anxiety, which then in turn leaves me feeling ill. Then in the middle of the week came some rather worrying news. My manager's boyfriend was sent home from work because he was sick. This immediately worried my manager, as her boyfriend NEVER gets ill. And just what were his symptoms? A fever and a cough. Uh oh. 

My manager told me not to panic as it probably wasn't COVID and could be any number of things. But just to be on the safe side, she booked herself in to have a test the next day. However, because of this, I would have to manage the place. It was spring of 2020 all over again, where literally I was the only person available to look after the place. But things got even more scary when my manager called me the next day to update me on things. She was very sick, and guess what, with none other than a fever and a cough. Double uh oh. 

Again, she said it probably wasn't COVID and that she had just caught a normal cold, but obviously by the sound of things, she would be too sick for the rest of the week and I was the only one who could cover. This would mean that I would be working seven days in a row. I really wasn't happy about it, but what could be done? I was the only member of staff that was left who was qualified to manage the place. My other colleague that was left wasn't qualified. So it just ended up being the two of us looking after everything. That was super stressful, on top of worrying about our manager. We knew it had to be bad for her to be calling in sick, as she usually always comes into work, even if she's not feeling very well. 

She let us know when she had taken the test, and all we could do was sit and wait for the results, and carry on as normal until then. It was difficult, but I knew that I just had to power through. I feel so sorry for Jowy during this time, as I was literally unable to spend any time with him. All I was doing was sleeping and working, and sleeping and working. As soon as I got home, I would just collapse in bed, but as always, he remained my rock throughout it all. I wasn't even eating anything most days because I just didn't have the time, or my body prioritised sleep over food. 

But of course the next day came with the news we had all been dreading. My manager had tested positive for COVID-19. I remember my heart just sank when I received that phone call. Once again, I had been in direct contact with someone who had the virus. I didn't think I would be so lucky this time since me and my manager had been touching each other all the time the day before. That sounds wrong, but you know what I mean. We work in close contact, we fist bump each other, and our hands were touching a lot as I helped her put some posters together. If I was going to catch it, it was going to be now, and I had been feeling ill all week. Maybe it wasn't stress like I thought it had been. Everybody goes on about the typical symptoms of a fever and cough, but I'd also heard a lot of stories of people who had completely different symptoms. Cue the panic. 

I was in the middle of my shift when I got the confirmation, so I was like, 's**t what do I do?' The place was still open and people were walking in and out, and needed my help with things. My manager told me to remain calm and she would find out the proceedure for me. Obviously we wanted to do the right thing and shut the place down, but none of us had the authority to do that. So for the next hour, I had to carry on as normal while my manager tried (and failed) to get hold of the regional manager. So yeah, I was panicking even more at this point. I didn't want to spread it! 

In the end, my manager decided to just go to another regional manager, and get the authorisation from him. At last I was able to evacuate the place and lock the doors before trying to work out what to do next. My manager was desperate for me and my colleague to go home, self-isolate and get tested, but now our place had NO staff at all. The place would need a deep clean and so much stuff needed to be dealt with. For hours we heard nothing while the two of us were trapped inside the business. We just ended up watching shows on Netflix on my phone while we waited to hear word of what was going to happen. The hours ticked by and I was growing frustrated. I texted my manager and she said she hadn't heard anything, so I called the regional manager, and he was like, 'oh yeah lolz I forgot about you guys.' I explained that we were still stuck and hadn't heard anything, so he asked if we'd like him to find out for us. Nah, I'm just ringing for a good old catch-up. Idiot. 

Five minutes later he called back and explained that the cleaning crew had decided they weren't going to bother coming in until the next day, and I guess they just didn't think it was important to let us know. So we had been waiting around for hours for literally no reason. The old supervisor who had moved stores kindly offered to look after things tomorrow, and despite the circumstances, it was so lovely to see her again, even if it was through a glass door. After that, we were allowed to go home. Upaid might I add, but at that point, I was past caring. I would now have to stay home for ten days and self-isolate, but luckily, I would be paid for that part. 

The next day I had managed to book myself a test - again. It was just about as much fun as it was last time with the shoving of the giant q-tip down my throat and up my nose. The test really is not pleasant at all. Then I nearly ruined my sample by not sealing it properly, but luckily an attendant stopped me just in time *facepalm*. Again, all I had to do now was sit and wait. I was so sure it was going to be positive, because there was just no way that I could be that jammy a third time. 

My poor friend and colleague ended up being abandoned and left alone to work a twelve hour shift. On top of that, the place ended up being super busy as well. I felt so sorry for her, and tried to help her over the phone as much as possible. Apparently, the company had managed to get a few staff from other stores to cover ours for the rest of the week, which worried us a little. We had only just got things organised in the place and we knew we were probably going to come back to the place being a mess, but what could we do? We told them where everything was and left the usernames and passwords to all the software, and that was about all that we could do. 

The next day, my test came back negative. I don't think I've ever been so confused and grateful in all my life. How on earth do I keep managing to avoid the virus like this? I had practically bathed in it and I still didn't catch it. Wtf?! So now, I still had a free ten days off work, and I was very likely virus free. It saved me from working seven full days in a row, and would allow me to recover from all the stress and take some time to relax. Jowy, bless him, had to put up with me sleeping for the next few days. That's literally all I did. I don't think I have ever been that tired in my life. Not even after staying awake forty-eight hours that one time during my trip back from America, when I'd stayed with Jowy for a few weeks. Jowy, why did you have to have been born so far away? That's very rude of you!

Getting back to work was even worse than I expected as the staff that were covering for us had pretty much trashed the placed. There were gross stains everywhere, nothing had been cleaned, paperwork had been left everywhere, none of the jobs had been done properly, and our safe was missing a ton of money. We couldn't believe it. It made us look bad, especially when the regional manager came to visit us the next day. We got the blame for it, despite him knowing that none of us had been in work for the past week. So we were very pissed off over that and have had one hell of a clean-up operation on our hands. We've only just now managed to finish sorting things and I have once again been rendered exhausted and have had to catch up on some rest again.

But when I had finally pretty much recovered both the first and second time, it was nice to spend some time with Jowy again. Not to mention, I was finally able to catch up on my PMs, other messages and comments, so that was an added weight off my back. I had fallen majorly behind, and I really do apologise to all of those people that I have taken forever to respond to. Things have just been so crazy.

During my self-isolation, I also managed to get a lot of writing work done. I managed to update, Amicus, Double Trouble, and Go and Conquer. I also published a new story for the Kuroshitsuji fandom called Reflection, so feel free to check that out if that sounds like something that's up your alley. I ended just saying 'screw it' in the end and published my OC fic idea. I'm writing it for fun, it'll give me good practice, and if people like it, then that's just even more of a bonus. I've certainly been having a lot of fun with it as I can allow the history nerd within me to come out and play. The Victorian era was always one of my favourite periods of history to study, and I actually did my dissertation on poverty during that time. So yeah, quite a few of the stuff I include in that story will actually be historically accurate, especially regarding every day life for a poor person. 

Speaking of OCs, I've been thinking about including a new segment on my blog that includes profiles of all of the major OCs that feature in my stories. I've already made models of the female ones thanks to this anime avatar app that I downloaded out of curiosity, but I just can't seem to find a decent male one, which is annoying. If anyone has any recommendations, please feel free to let me know. So yeah, I was thinking about posting pictures of them and doing their own wiki style profiles for people to look at if they're interested. I was planning on maybe starting with Nina from my story Destiny's Dance. I've already posted her picture on my Twitter, so feel free to check that out if you're a fan of that story. I find the idea fun, so I'll probably be making a start on it very soon. 

As for the Miraculous side of things, I'm still on hiatus, but I'm hoping to be coming out of it soon. Maybe sometime around mid-May. I've nearly finished Madness Within on AO3, so it won't be much longer now until the sequel is released. It's going to be a much more casual project now so that'll hopefully take a lot of the pressure off myself. I was focusing way too hard on it and I think that was a large majority of the problem. I just need to take a step back and treat it like the fun little project it used to be, just like I've been doing with my new stories. Low and behold, it's actually let me enjoy my work again rather than it feeling like a chore. I just hope those abusive commenters leave me alone...

Some of you have already noticed that my penname on FanFiction has changed lol. I'm still me, and that change is only temporary until Jowy feels like I have been embarrassed enough ahahaha! It's a long story, but the name change was part of a forfeit, and 'little teapot' is a nickname he likes to give me sometimes. So yeah, to all of those who have found it adorable, you have Jowy to thank for it. As someone who tends to find nicknames awkward and embarrassing, I sure do have a lot of them. These include: Pixie, little teapot, spanner, H, little pea, chow mein, sausage, and little s**t, just to name a few. Two of those are Jowy's creations. It should be fun to see anyone guess what the second one is. 

When I've not been writing, I've been catching up on some me-time, as well as spending time with Jowy. He's bought me Monster Hunter Rise as an early birthday present (thank you, thank you, thank you!), so we've been playing that together a lot. It's actually my first time playing a game from that series, and let's just say that Jowy has been very entertained watching me learn and figure out how the game works. I originally started out with the long sword as my weapon, but I found that a bit too big and clumsy, so I've switched to the sword and shield, which has been much better. I'm definitely not very good at the game, but I've been having fun with it. Jowy and I have been desperate for some more games to play together, and I'm glad that he got me into this one. We usually love to play Terraria together, but my laptop can't handle games on steam anymore, so we haven't really been able to play. I've got the switch version of the game, which Jowy finds annoying, but I don't mind it so much. Admittedly, it is a game you're better off playing on the computer, but for now, the console version will have to do, and I don't have too much trouble with it. 

Speaking of games, during my time off, I became very addicted to Animal Crossing: New Horizons once again. I've even changed my island around again, and if you want to have a look, my dream address is: DA-5575-2695-9940. Things have been going pretty good on there, I just swear that I'm cursed when it comes to Celeste and star recipes though! She never shows up! I see other people's islands with all of their cool horoscope and space style items and I get so jealous. But yeah, I'm constantly altering my island, so you can guarantee that it's changed every time you decide to visit the dream version. 

 Anyway, I think I've gone on long enough once again. It's my birthday this week, so things are going to be a bit more chill on my end. Lot's of games, spending time with Jowy and friends, catching up on some reading and all that jazz. Thank you so much to everyone who has been sending me such kind messages! It always makes my day when people take the time to message me and tell me how much they enjoy my stories! Also, a special big shout out again to Jowy for looking after me during my zombie phase. He does a good job of looking after me, because I sure don't ahaha... 

Hope that you guys have been okay! See you soon!