Pixie's Chronicle: I've Had It Up To Here!

Hey, it's been a while, hasn't it? I actually had no idea just how long it has been, I've been that preoccupied with life and all it's joys lately. I had hoped that things would have settled down a while ago, but no such luck. I was originally promised that things at work would have calmed down and I wouldn't have been working as much overtime, but they lied to me. Speaking of work, that's kind of a sore point at the moment, but more on that later. Overall, life has been kicking me in the teeth like it always is.

So yeah, once again I'm really sorry about the lack of updates. Believe me, there's nothing more I would love to be doing than writing. I finally have the week off again, and I've had some much needed crash time over the past few days. Work has once again promised me that I won't be working as much overtime, but after what's happened the last few times they said that, I'm not holding my breath, that's for sure. Maybe one of these days I'll get back to writing as much as I was before all this extra stress started.

As you may have already guessed, life hasn't exactly been kind to me lately (what's new there?). First of all, I received the awful news that my grandma is dying. She's not dying a pleasant death either. She has dementia, so she's already losing her mind, and on top of that, her veins and arteries are furring up, which has resulted in an ulcer on her leg that refuses to heal. She's also overall just losing the blood supply to her legs. Now they've also found an abnormality which they're pretty confident is cancer. They can't operate on her, because it will cause her to lose her mind even more, or have a massive heart attack. They'll need to amputate her leg at some point, but they can't do that either for the reasons I've just explained.

So it's just a case of what's going to kill her first: an operation, gangrene, cancer, a heart attack, or a stroke. To make matters worse, I can't even visit her. She lives a five hour drive away, and I can't drive. I can't even get public transport there since she lives in the middle of nowhere. Plus, there's the whole pandemic thing going on, and I would never be able to live with myself if I'd carried that over to her. On top of everything else, the last thing she needs is a virus. I'm in a lose lose situation. I can't be with her and say a proper goodbye. If she dies within the next few days or weeks, I probably won't even be allowed to attend her funeral.

I just... I can't even begin to explain the emotions I'm currently feeling right now...

She's all alone and nobody can get to her. Not that anyone else in the family would bother if they could. My aunt is actively doing everything she can to make sure my grandma dies alone, and it looks as though she might just get her wish. It makes me feel physically sick. I'm not joking when I say that a lot of people in my family are some of the most disgusting people to ever walk the earth. A lot of people always think I'm exaggerating when I tell them this and are like, "oh most families have horrible people in them." Yeah. They do. But have you met my family? Though I don't want to go into too much detail because some of the stuff is... well... it's pretty vile.

As if that wasn't enough to deal with, my job is out to make my life even more of a misery. It's not enough that I've been putting all these extra hours in (some of which are illegal I might add), as well as unpaid overtime, putting my life and the life of my family at risk, but they had to stab me in the back as well. In fact, they didn't even stab me in the back. They stabbed me in the front. They looked me in the eyes and they twisted the knife into my heart.

Managment have been bugging me at this place for some time. As much as I love my manager and get along well with her most of the time, she's been driving me nuts lately. At first it was just petty things like I've already explained in blog enteries in the past. Just to refresh memories here, she's been blaming me for stuff that wasn't my fault, has only had the guts to shout at me over stuff when my colleagues are just as guilty, if not more so, has been making me work all these extra hours, and then got mad at me over stuff I've been unsure about because she. Didn't. Train. Me. Properly.

So yeah, I've been feeling a bit salty towards her lately.

The big one came a few days ago though. I could put up with all that other stuff, because hey, she's been under a lot of stress herself lately, and she's always apologised when she's gotten snippy with me. But what she and the regional manager did to me the other day made me lose the will to carry on.

My best friend at the workplace had finally gotten a transfer. It had been on the cards for a while, but I just didn't expect it to happen this soon. So that had already saddened me. I'm really happy for her, but at the same time, I'm really going to miss her. She actually made me excited for my shifts and always made me feel at ease because I knew she had my back. She actually stuck up for me against our manager once because I had once again gotten the blame for something that wasn't my fault. I know all this stuff going on at work isn't all in my head, because she had even commented on it once, noting that I seemed to get blamed and shouted at for everything.

The news of her leaving was pretty devastating, but my manager then offered me a ray of sunshine in that it meant that my friend's supervisor position was now open, and she wanted to know if I would be interested. I was shocked. Finally, my hard work was being recognised and rewarded, and I was practically already doing that job anyway since the original supervisor always had childcare issues, especially during the pandemic, so I always had to step up to cover. At last, I was finally going to get paid for the work I was actually doing and have the title to go along with it. It had me feeling pretty good about myself, especially since I had been promised a promotion since December, yet I still haven't received one.

Of course I said yes. My manager sounded pretty relieved since it meant she wouldn't have to train someone new as I already knew the ropes anyway. She agreed that I already practically did the job in the first place and agreed that it was finally time I got the pay to go along with all the extra work I had been doing. She said she was going to run it by the regional manager and said that it was highly likely that the position was going to be offered to me.

As you can imagine, I got off the phone feeling pretty good about myself. Everyone agreed that the promotion was sure to be mine and that I was the preferred candidate for the role. The way my manager and everyone else was talking, it had sounded like I had already been selected. All they would need to do is sort out the details.

Then literally five minutes later, my manager called me back. The regional manager wanted to offer the job to someone else. She apologised for getting my hopes up and assured me that I was definitely first in line for the next promotion. She went on and on about how much this person deserved the promotion to supervisor because of how hard they had worked, before quickly backtracking and saying "oh not that I'm saying you haven't worked hard or anything - I'm sure you have."

'I'm sure you have.'

Then she hung up.

I was speechless. I know the girl they're wanting to promote. She's lovely and I'm not saying that she doesn't deserve it, nor do I blame her for what's happened but... what about me? The girl in question has only just now become a keyholder, meaning she has little to no experience in a supervisor role, whereas I've had over a year's worth of experience and was practically already doing the job. The fact that I was just brushed over like that... I don't doubt this other girl had worked hard, but... so have I. I put in the unpaid overtime, I put in the extra hours, I worked illegally seven days in a row to keep the place running only to be told I'm the BACK-UP if this other girl refuses the promotion (which she probably won't).

*flips table*

That's the last time I put the effort in for this place. Sorry if I'm sounding spoilt, but my manager should have at least talked to the regional manager first before getting my hopes up like that. Once again, my efforts go ignored. Once again, I'm the back-up. The last resort. I'm never anybody's first choice, and this whole thing just cemented that fact. On top of everything else, I really didn't need or deserve to be shafted like that. I get it, it's business and everyone experiences something like this at some point in their life, but that doesn't make it right! It doesn't give me less of a right to be angry and upset and betrayed by the whole thing.

I think I'm going to have to start looking for another job. I will not be treated like this. I've had self-esteem issues all my life, and I've worked hard to develop what little self-worth I have today, so I refuse to constantly have my paranoid thoughts and delusions validated. That place would have crashed and burned without me. Everyone is in agreement with that. So why treat me this way?

Ugh, anyway, I should probably stop ranting about that now. Felt good to get it off my chest like this, and I'm sorry if I sound like a horrible and entitled person. The whole ordeal really upset me, especially on top of finding out my grandma is dying and one of my best friends and favourite people to work with is leaving. It's safe to say that it was all starting to make me feel like I had hit rock bottom - again.

Luckily my boyfriend has been my rock through all of this, and he also suggested that I should just stop putting the effort in, and then they'll notice just how much of an asset I was. Again, not that I'm saying this other girl isn't, I'm just resentful of the fact that they got my hopes up for no reason, refused to acknowledge all of my hard work, and ranted to my face about how much this girl deserves the promotion when she has no experience and no clue what she's doing. *sigh*

These past few days, I've been taking some much needed me time. I had fun with Jowy, celebrating his birthday, and I've finally been able to sit back, relax and play some video games. I also finally managed to find the time to talk to some of you guys as well. Thank you so much for all of your kind messages of support over the past few weeks!

I may be down, but I'm not out. After this re-charge time, I'm getting back into the writing saddle. Work can go f#ck itself, and I'm going to be having a word with my manager and telling her straight that I will only be working extra hours and running the place when it's an absolute emergency. I will not be taken advantage of anymore. Also, I'll be making sure to join a union.

At the moment, I'm aiming for things to go somewhat back to normal. That means a new Pixie's Chronicle every Saturday, as well as content for Miraculous Monday. This week I'm hoping to finally start-up my reviews of the last episodes of season three. So keep an eye out for those. I'm also hoping to finally have the next chapter of Immortal Bonds out by Tuesday. I'm hoping to update Madness Within soon as well, though I'm not sure of potential days yet. I'll be sure to keep you posted. I'm getting some editors together, which means content for AO3 should also be uploaded a lot quicker as well. Chat Vert is unfortunately in limbo at the moment. It's been so long since I've worked on that story that I've completely lost my flow. I may even just end up re-starting the whole thing. I guess we'll see.

Anyway, I've ranted on for long enough now. I hope that you guys are okay and have been staying safe during all of this chaos. Happy Pride Month, and though I shouldn't need to tell you this, but black lives matter! My sites will always be a safe place for people of colour, people with mental health issues, people of different sexualities, sex and gender. You are all valid and I will always be here to support and advocate for you. If I say or do anything in ignorance, please don't hestitate to let me know.

I hope you all have a good week, and I'll hopefully see you very soon.