Ahem. Yeah... it's kinda been a while hasn't it? If you keep up with me on Twitter, then you'll know that I've been having a huge string of bad luck lately. I just didn't have the time or the energy to do anything. It's sucked. These past two weeks feel like they have dragged on for eternity, and I just hope that I can finally catch a break, though somehow I'm very much doubting that. I know it might look like I have abandoned my work, but don't worry, I haven't. I just seem to be taking a bit of a forced and unofficial hiatus at the moment.
So yeah, that's why I've been so quiet lately on most things, especially on the writing front. It's been driving me crazy that I haven't been able to get any writing done, because my brain is now starting to feel totally backed up with ideas because I haven't been getting them out of my system. I've been obsessively daydreaming about my upcoming story Professeur Noir, but not had the time or energy to actually sit down and properly work on it. It's been so long since I properly updated anything that I'm starting to get concerned people messaging me and leaving reviews asking if I'm okay... along with a few reviews demanding that I update. Le sigh. Just please bear with me, guys. I am trying to get myself sorted.
One of the major things that's happened to me these past few weeks is that I got robbed... twice. I know, I couldn't believe my rotten luck either. The first incident I slept through since it happened in the middle of the night, but basically someone broke into our garage and stole a bunch of expensive tools. I was so looking forward to a nice day off work, but I was awoken early to the sound of the police arriving at my house. My mum told me what had happened and asked if I'd heard or seen anything, which unfortunately I hadn't. So then I had to spend all day talking to and helping the police, and then waiting for the forensics team to finally arrive. The idiot scumbag(s) had left evidence everywhere, including some very clear footprints and fingerprints on the car.
Unfortunately, I doubt they're going to get caught though. Police don't exactly make investigating stuff like this a priority, and the police in my area are notoriously apathetic. For example, my aunt was assaulted by her neighbour and it was caught clearly on CCTV, but the police claimed that there wasn't enough evidence to take action. Those neighbours also happened to be friends with my evil step-mother, so make of that what you will. So yeah, I don't have high hopes of this ever being sorted. But it now has us super paranoid, and even though luckily it was just our garage, that's still our property and it makes us feel vulnerable and violated.
The second incident happened while I was at work. As you have probably figured out, we do have a bit of a problem with crime in my area. We get a few shoplifters, but it's usually nothing major. However, on my very first day as duty manager of the store, within the first fifteen minutes, two guys blatently stole a crap ton of cherry tablets. Like... they didn't even try to be subtle about it. I confronted them and followed the procedure of asking if they intend to pay for them, but they just ignored me, brushed past me and walked away. Unfortunately due to safety reasons, I'm not allowed to pursue them or engage with them any further than asking if they're going to pay, because if it was up to me, I would have knocked them out with the trash can.
It annoyed me, but I didn't think it was a big deal, because after all, it was just a bunch of cherry tablets. Wrong. They were THE cherry tablets. The super expensive ones and they had stolen the whole lot. So they had stolen nearly £200 (US$266) worth of stock. So I had to get in touch with the police again. Some more incidents happened after that which are too complicated and confusing to explain, but basically some woman ended up stealing some more stuff, and by the end of the week I was just done. I'd had enough.
It didn't help that my job was putting a lot of pressure on me, and the new regional manager was essentially blackmailing me at one point. There's a bit of a staffing crisis at the moment, and because the top dog's are crap at their jobs, they're not sorting things out properly. One of our stores is understaffed (like all of them are), including one in a big shopping mall. The regional manager then threatened that if no one volunteered to work overtime there, then he was going to close down the smaller stores, including the one I work at, and forcing us to work in the mall.
Small problem with that though. It's miles away! Me, and most other staff I know, can't drive, so it would take us three hours to get there! And that's not counting rush hour traffic. So I basically had a panic attack, worried that I was going to be losing my job, all because the higher ups couldn't sort things out properly. Not to mention the business knows about my mental health conditions, and that travelling huge distances is just not an option for me, so there was that to worry about as well. My manager was completely understanding and agreed that it wasn't fair and that she would stand by me, and my mental health assistant reassured me that I could pursue legal action if they fired me because of my issues, as apparently it counts as a disability, meaning it would be discrimination. Huh, who knew?
Luckily, that guy quit after about a week (yippee!) and now we have a new regional manager again. I'm not sure what this one is like yet, but she hasn't given me a panic attack yet, so that already makes her better than the previous guy in my book. Literally no one liked that guy. He was super full of himself, yet he had no idea what he was doing half the time. And that blackmail trick he pulled was definitely not okay. I get they have a business to run, but they were just not being practical. I really need to join a union or something. That incident certainly had me rattled.
I was feeling pretty secure after that until the general election results. For those who don't know, the UK held (another) general election the other day, and I don't want to get too political or offend anyone, but a, let's just say, not very nice party, came to power. I could lose my mental health assistant because of them, which has me really worried. I rely on that team so much for so many things. And now I could lose it all because of Brexit. That program is EU funded, and I had to rely on that because my own government doesn't provide me with anything. So yeah hahaha *gulp* I'm in serious trouble.
Because of everything that's been going on, my mental health took a serious knock this week. I need to head back and see a doctor, because it's really getting ridiculous. I've had so many panic attacks and anxiety attacks after doing so well at managing to keep them all at bay. My flashbacks and nightmares are starting to pick up pace, and I just know that it's because of the stress of everything that's been going on. I've been extra jumpy as well, not helped by the fact that a car exploded near where I work a few days ago. Yeah, I have no idea either. A car exploded. That's all I know.
Christmas shopping has also been stressing me out. I've been a bit more organised this year, but still, I hate it so much. Next year I'm just going to do it all online. I don't know why I didn't think of doing that in the first place. I hate shopping, I hate people and above all else, I hate Christmas shopping. I thought I was going to be crushed to death yesterday when I went to grab some last minute things. That was such a bad idea, I have no idea why I did that or thought it would be a good idea. Do you guys have any scary shopping stories?
And speaking of which, it was Black Friday a few weeks ago as well, which was hell. Of all the things we had to copy from the USA, why that? No offence to my American readers, but Black Friday is one of the stupidest and most extortionate things I have ever heard of. And now it's spread to the UK. I'm surprised I didn't murder most of my customers. It turns people into stupid monsters.
Anyway, I think I've ranted enough for one day. I didn't mean to sound so angry and salty in this blog post, but I think I just needed to get it all out of my system. I'm hoping that's the worst stuff over with for the time being. I've been having a few pieces of good news lately such as my cousin having a baby, so that's a little ray of sunshine in all of this mess. He is so adorable! I have wonderful friends and a boyfriend who have been there for me, and despite everything that's happened, I haven't completely lost my mind... yet.
But yeah, I have so much catching up to do now. I'm not too sure how things are going to go down as I'm pretty busy in the run up to Christmas. But I am hoping to try and start updating things again this week, though I can't make any promises. I'm so sorry for how much I've messed you guys around lately, and I am trying to get better. These things just take time sometimes. I hope that all of you guys are doing okay, and I really appreciate how patient and kind a lot of you have been to me! You're amazing!
So yeah, that's why I've been so quiet lately on most things, especially on the writing front. It's been driving me crazy that I haven't been able to get any writing done, because my brain is now starting to feel totally backed up with ideas because I haven't been getting them out of my system. I've been obsessively daydreaming about my upcoming story Professeur Noir, but not had the time or energy to actually sit down and properly work on it. It's been so long since I properly updated anything that I'm starting to get concerned people messaging me and leaving reviews asking if I'm okay... along with a few reviews demanding that I update. Le sigh. Just please bear with me, guys. I am trying to get myself sorted.
One of the major things that's happened to me these past few weeks is that I got robbed... twice. I know, I couldn't believe my rotten luck either. The first incident I slept through since it happened in the middle of the night, but basically someone broke into our garage and stole a bunch of expensive tools. I was so looking forward to a nice day off work, but I was awoken early to the sound of the police arriving at my house. My mum told me what had happened and asked if I'd heard or seen anything, which unfortunately I hadn't. So then I had to spend all day talking to and helping the police, and then waiting for the forensics team to finally arrive. The idiot scumbag(s) had left evidence everywhere, including some very clear footprints and fingerprints on the car.
Unfortunately, I doubt they're going to get caught though. Police don't exactly make investigating stuff like this a priority, and the police in my area are notoriously apathetic. For example, my aunt was assaulted by her neighbour and it was caught clearly on CCTV, but the police claimed that there wasn't enough evidence to take action. Those neighbours also happened to be friends with my evil step-mother, so make of that what you will. So yeah, I don't have high hopes of this ever being sorted. But it now has us super paranoid, and even though luckily it was just our garage, that's still our property and it makes us feel vulnerable and violated.
The second incident happened while I was at work. As you have probably figured out, we do have a bit of a problem with crime in my area. We get a few shoplifters, but it's usually nothing major. However, on my very first day as duty manager of the store, within the first fifteen minutes, two guys blatently stole a crap ton of cherry tablets. Like... they didn't even try to be subtle about it. I confronted them and followed the procedure of asking if they intend to pay for them, but they just ignored me, brushed past me and walked away. Unfortunately due to safety reasons, I'm not allowed to pursue them or engage with them any further than asking if they're going to pay, because if it was up to me, I would have knocked them out with the trash can.
It annoyed me, but I didn't think it was a big deal, because after all, it was just a bunch of cherry tablets. Wrong. They were THE cherry tablets. The super expensive ones and they had stolen the whole lot. So they had stolen nearly £200 (US$266) worth of stock. So I had to get in touch with the police again. Some more incidents happened after that which are too complicated and confusing to explain, but basically some woman ended up stealing some more stuff, and by the end of the week I was just done. I'd had enough.
It didn't help that my job was putting a lot of pressure on me, and the new regional manager was essentially blackmailing me at one point. There's a bit of a staffing crisis at the moment, and because the top dog's are crap at their jobs, they're not sorting things out properly. One of our stores is understaffed (like all of them are), including one in a big shopping mall. The regional manager then threatened that if no one volunteered to work overtime there, then he was going to close down the smaller stores, including the one I work at, and forcing us to work in the mall.
Small problem with that though. It's miles away! Me, and most other staff I know, can't drive, so it would take us three hours to get there! And that's not counting rush hour traffic. So I basically had a panic attack, worried that I was going to be losing my job, all because the higher ups couldn't sort things out properly. Not to mention the business knows about my mental health conditions, and that travelling huge distances is just not an option for me, so there was that to worry about as well. My manager was completely understanding and agreed that it wasn't fair and that she would stand by me, and my mental health assistant reassured me that I could pursue legal action if they fired me because of my issues, as apparently it counts as a disability, meaning it would be discrimination. Huh, who knew?
Luckily, that guy quit after about a week (yippee!) and now we have a new regional manager again. I'm not sure what this one is like yet, but she hasn't given me a panic attack yet, so that already makes her better than the previous guy in my book. Literally no one liked that guy. He was super full of himself, yet he had no idea what he was doing half the time. And that blackmail trick he pulled was definitely not okay. I get they have a business to run, but they were just not being practical. I really need to join a union or something. That incident certainly had me rattled.
I was feeling pretty secure after that until the general election results. For those who don't know, the UK held (another) general election the other day, and I don't want to get too political or offend anyone, but a, let's just say, not very nice party, came to power. I could lose my mental health assistant because of them, which has me really worried. I rely on that team so much for so many things. And now I could lose it all because of Brexit. That program is EU funded, and I had to rely on that because my own government doesn't provide me with anything. So yeah hahaha *gulp* I'm in serious trouble.
Because of everything that's been going on, my mental health took a serious knock this week. I need to head back and see a doctor, because it's really getting ridiculous. I've had so many panic attacks and anxiety attacks after doing so well at managing to keep them all at bay. My flashbacks and nightmares are starting to pick up pace, and I just know that it's because of the stress of everything that's been going on. I've been extra jumpy as well, not helped by the fact that a car exploded near where I work a few days ago. Yeah, I have no idea either. A car exploded. That's all I know.
Christmas shopping has also been stressing me out. I've been a bit more organised this year, but still, I hate it so much. Next year I'm just going to do it all online. I don't know why I didn't think of doing that in the first place. I hate shopping, I hate people and above all else, I hate Christmas shopping. I thought I was going to be crushed to death yesterday when I went to grab some last minute things. That was such a bad idea, I have no idea why I did that or thought it would be a good idea. Do you guys have any scary shopping stories?
And speaking of which, it was Black Friday a few weeks ago as well, which was hell. Of all the things we had to copy from the USA, why that? No offence to my American readers, but Black Friday is one of the stupidest and most extortionate things I have ever heard of. And now it's spread to the UK. I'm surprised I didn't murder most of my customers. It turns people into stupid monsters.
Anyway, I think I've ranted enough for one day. I didn't mean to sound so angry and salty in this blog post, but I think I just needed to get it all out of my system. I'm hoping that's the worst stuff over with for the time being. I've been having a few pieces of good news lately such as my cousin having a baby, so that's a little ray of sunshine in all of this mess. He is so adorable! I have wonderful friends and a boyfriend who have been there for me, and despite everything that's happened, I haven't completely lost my mind... yet.
But yeah, I have so much catching up to do now. I'm not too sure how things are going to go down as I'm pretty busy in the run up to Christmas. But I am hoping to try and start updating things again this week, though I can't make any promises. I'm so sorry for how much I've messed you guys around lately, and I am trying to get better. These things just take time sometimes. I hope that all of you guys are doing okay, and I really appreciate how patient and kind a lot of you have been to me! You're amazing!
Black friday has become such a joke it's not even fun or worth it to go out and get the deals anymore. Not to mention some stores open up on American Thanksgiving which makes people work on a damn holiday. It's a stupid concept and I hope it dies eventually.
ReplyDeleteFunny, you guys have the same loss prevention tactics as the US. I mean I get it's a safety thing and you don't want someone pulling a gun or a knife on you over a couple stolen items, but there has to be something else that can be done, right? I worked retail years ago, so I've seen plenty of theft and overall bullshit.
Once again, take your time on your stories. I'm still waiting on people to update from last year! Just holding on to the hope that one day they start writing again!
I've also worked retail, and I was told it is a safety/legal thing which is why we can't interact with the shoplifters. For one: the thief could become violent and injure the employee, or they could impulsively take another customer hostage or otherwise use another customer as a "shield" or "obstacle" in order to try to get away. As for the legality of it all, if you were to injure the shoplifter during the interaction, since you aren't of law enforcement or security, you and/or the store could actually be sued. Same goes for verbal interactions. Beyond suing, any inappropriate (accidental or otherwise) interactions - physical or verbal - with the shoplifter could void the arrest and actually let the perpetrator off on technicalities.
DeleteIt feels stupid to just let it happen, especially when it feels like the thief will never get their comeuppance, but there's a lot of thought behind why.
OMG! I didn't realize you were robbed TWICE! You poor thing! You definitely get a pass on all things online and writing. That is so stressful, I'm sorry you had to endure that. Yeah, it's policy over here too that employees – outside of security, of course – are not to engage in thieves, for safety and legality reasons. They are to only observe and report. That sucks that it happened so early into your first shift as supervisor though! And to have multiple shoplifters in the same week would be frustrating for anyone. What is wrong with people!?
ReplyDeleteAdd in the stress of the more conservative party coming to power, and the audacity of your previous regional manager, and yeah... go take a break (if you haven't already) and try to de-compress. That would be a lot for anyone!
BLACK FRIDAY IS THE WOOOOOORST! No offense taken at all! The worst part is, Good Ol' 'Merican Capitalism has made most “Black Friday” sales start at like 2pm on THURSDAY. Ya know... the day BEFORE Friday? The day that's supposed to be a national holiday? The day that is SUPPOSED to be about family and people acknowledging the blessings they already have!? Yeah. Nope. Instead people have to work retail so others can avoid their families and grab the best deals instead. -_- Oh, and it 100% shows modern humanity for the greedy monsters we have become. It is disgusting and I refuse to ever go Black Friday shopping, unless it's at like 4pm on Friday itself, when everyone else has wore themselves out (and most of the deals have already been snatched, but... meh...)
So... yeah... back to your writing. I was getting a touch concerned about not seeing too much of you (I've been terrible with keeping up with Twitter, in all fairness), but I've seen you pop onto Tumblr now and again, so I figured you were just busy. It was kind (although, I understand the frustration) that you've had people message you/leave reviews making sure you're alright. I still don't understand the jerks demanding updates. I guess that's a benefit of being a little-known writer with mostly one-shots: I don't get those kinds of reviews. I hope 2020 brings more patience to your readers so you can just focus on the love they are spewing out onto you.
Also, congrats to your cousin, and yay that you have friends/loved ones that have been your support. <3 Finally, I'm so glad your mind hasn't been completely lost (maybe a touch misplaced, but whose hasn't been).
Happy New Year. May 2020 bring you many blessings, including better mental health and more free time to enjoy your passion for writing.