I'm alive! I'm okay! Well...sort of. It's a funny story actually, and I just hope that this blog entry makes sense and isn't riddled with errors since I got a new pair of glasses today, so I've got that kind of drunk vision that you get when you start wearing a new prescription. Waiting until after I got them to type this up probably wasn't such a good idea, but when am I ever known for my good ideas? So yeah, I'm really sorry for practically disappearing and not updating my stories.
It's been a whirlwind of a few weeks, and I'm just glad that things are finally calming down now. As you guys know, I've been having some medical issues, on top of studying for exams, and just overall stress along with many many anxiety attacks. Oy vey. I just hope that I'm now finally catching a break and can maybe get things back on track... well, as back on track as possible anyway. But next week I have a week off work, so I'll definitely hopefully be able to catch up on writing then.
I guess I should start by explaining one of the main reasons that I went AWOL: medical issues and the joy's of having them. As I've talked about on my blog before, for years and years I've been getting these really bad pains and hadn't really investigated them properly. Which was stupid of me, I know, but I honestly thought at first that it was normal. Don't ask me why, because I have no idea either. I did bring it up with doctors before, but never really went into detail, so they just threw a bunch of medication at me and sent me on my way. So I got the impression there was nothing that could really be done, and that maybe everything was fine and I was just being dramatic.
That was until a few weeks ago that is.
I was on my lunch break while at work, and I was just chilling, reading a magazine, when one artcile caught my eye. I read it and was like, "crap, those are my symptoms." So then I realised that what I was experiencing isn't normal, especially after talking to other people about it afterwards. Everyone was like, "yeah, you really should see a doctor about that." So I start panicking thinking I've got cancer or some other serious condition, y'know, as you do. But I was also sick of being in pain and having to deal with it. I needed answers.
So I finally made an appointment with the doctor. These past few weeks, I've been tested for all sorts. I've had that much blood drained out of me, I'm surprised that I still have any left. I don't mind needles, but that weird slurping sound my blood made as it left my body was certainly cringy. I can see why people hate blood tests now. Ugh, and some of the tests got so invasive as well. Like... really invasive. Doctors and nurses do not get paid enough for what they have to do sometimes. I brought some of those procedures on myself since I apparently didn't follow the instructions correctly, meaning they couldn't get a clear picture inside my body. They suspected two possible conditons, but weirdly, in looking for those conditions, they spotted what was actually wrong with me and what the source of all my problems were.
Drum roll...
I'm deformed!
YAAAAAAY!
Some of my internal organs are not where they are supposed to be thanks to an accident of nature. So that's what's been causing my pain. And the nurse told me like I was supposed to know, which was annoying and weird. As she was scanning me, she said to me, "do you know that your organs lean slightly to the right?" Like, how on earth was I supposed to know that without cutting myself open? Apparently it's something that can happen sometimes. It's not common, but it's not something that's extremely rare either, and most people don't realise that they're like that. Heck, they only found out I had that problem by accident. Though according to that nurse, I should have known apparently. Pffft.
I was so excited that they had finally found out what was wrong, and I actually found it quite hilarious since it matches my personality so well. Trust me to be born with wonky organs. But then I received the news that there was nothing they could do about it. Actually, correction, they could do something about it, they have just chosen not to. They don't wanna waste resources I guess. So yeah, I'm stuck with this issue. It's not harmful or dangerous to me in any way, it's just something that happens sometimes. Though apparently one possible cure for it is getting pregnant. Thanks, but no thanks on that one. I'm nowhere near ready for that. I can't even look after myself, let alone a helpless baby. For now, I'd rather put up with the pain.
The nurse gave me some advice on how best to cope with it, which I've now got to adopt, so hopefully it will help at least somewhat. I guess I'll just have to find out.
Other than that, I've been studying my butt off for my health exams. Sometimes I wish I'd worked this hard in school, because I could have probably gotten all As if I applied myself like I am doing now. But meh. I can't change the past. I am finding the work a lot of fun to be honest, and it's all really fascinating. I just didn't realise how much work would be involved. My poor hand keeps getting cramps from all the note writing. I have my final exam on Tuesday, so here's hoping that I pass.
When I've not been poked and prodded by doctors, or studying, I've been working, eating and sleeping. The times where I have been able to relax have mainly been spent playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf, which I'm still super addicted to. My town is looking so awesome now! It has me even more excited for the new game coming out next year. We've been long overdue for the next installment of the series. I just find the game so relaxing, and I can get lost in it for hours. Plus, I've also found a new friend to play with me, which is fun. That is until she starts digging holes in my town and starts stealing my rare flowers grrrrr. I'll get my revenge for that one. My poor purple roses. Those took me forever to grow. *sniff*
My boyfriend and I had a cool Halloween night planned out, and we were gonna watch movies and watch scary videos, but that kinda didn't end up happening. We were both so exhausted that we just ended up falling asleep, which is a shame, as Halloween is our favourite holiday. So yeah, it was a bit of a fail. Still, at least I have 5th November to look forward to. High five fellow UK readers. I do love bonfire night, but some of the really loud and big fireworks can set off an anxiety or panic attack sometimes. I guess it just depends on how close I am to them.
I probably won't end up attending a bonfire event though, since non of my friends can ever be bothered to join me. Maybe that's for the best though, as I ate too much and made myself sick at a bonfire I attended a few years ago. I couldn't help it though, those jacket potatoes were super delicious! And the soup. And the flapjack. And the toffee. Okay, so yeah, I'm a big fat pig.
I guess I'll just have to be content with watching the fireworks from my window like usual these past couple of years. Though I'll probably spend most of that time comforting my poor dog. My aunt and uncle also aren't having a good time as stupid kids keep launching fireworks at their house and church. This is why I think firework sales should be banned for the general public. People are too stupid and can't be trusted. So yeah, that's been pretty intense.
Luckily this week, I did manage to finally get a little bit of work done to slowly ease myself back into things. I finally finished and released my review of the episode Ladybug, which you can read by clicking here if you haven't already. I also finally edited and uploaded a chapter of Madness Within onto AO3 after months of the story collecting dust on that website. It was great to see I still had an audience for that story on that website. I'm so lucky to have such wonderful and dedicated readers, across all of the sites that I post my stories on. And it's sweet that some of you grew concerned about me. I appreciate it, guys.
So yeah, this week I'm hoping to get some chapters out. I have no clue on what days though, I guess it just depends on work and what not. I hate leaving my stories this long without updates. It makes me super twitchy and I feel really guilty, especially when people tell me how much my stories mean to them and how much updates make their day. I wish that real life wouldn't get in the way so much.
I hope that you guys are all doing okay, and things should get relatively back to normal now. My review for Ikari Gozen will be released tomorrow, so keep an eye out for that, as well as story updates. I wish I could give you guys a better idea of when I might update, but my plans are a bit up in the air for this week. I hope you guys understand.
Sorry for the the super short entry again, but hey, at least it's longer than the one from two weeks ago. Last week I didn't even bother since I would have nothing to talk about, and I was too stressed dealing with all these tests, both medical and scholarly. But now that I know I'm deformed, most of that stress has now come to an end. I hope.
It's been a whirlwind of a few weeks, and I'm just glad that things are finally calming down now. As you guys know, I've been having some medical issues, on top of studying for exams, and just overall stress along with many many anxiety attacks. Oy vey. I just hope that I'm now finally catching a break and can maybe get things back on track... well, as back on track as possible anyway. But next week I have a week off work, so I'll definitely hopefully be able to catch up on writing then.
I guess I should start by explaining one of the main reasons that I went AWOL: medical issues and the joy's of having them. As I've talked about on my blog before, for years and years I've been getting these really bad pains and hadn't really investigated them properly. Which was stupid of me, I know, but I honestly thought at first that it was normal. Don't ask me why, because I have no idea either. I did bring it up with doctors before, but never really went into detail, so they just threw a bunch of medication at me and sent me on my way. So I got the impression there was nothing that could really be done, and that maybe everything was fine and I was just being dramatic.
That was until a few weeks ago that is.
I was on my lunch break while at work, and I was just chilling, reading a magazine, when one artcile caught my eye. I read it and was like, "crap, those are my symptoms." So then I realised that what I was experiencing isn't normal, especially after talking to other people about it afterwards. Everyone was like, "yeah, you really should see a doctor about that." So I start panicking thinking I've got cancer or some other serious condition, y'know, as you do. But I was also sick of being in pain and having to deal with it. I needed answers.
So I finally made an appointment with the doctor. These past few weeks, I've been tested for all sorts. I've had that much blood drained out of me, I'm surprised that I still have any left. I don't mind needles, but that weird slurping sound my blood made as it left my body was certainly cringy. I can see why people hate blood tests now. Ugh, and some of the tests got so invasive as well. Like... really invasive. Doctors and nurses do not get paid enough for what they have to do sometimes. I brought some of those procedures on myself since I apparently didn't follow the instructions correctly, meaning they couldn't get a clear picture inside my body. They suspected two possible conditons, but weirdly, in looking for those conditions, they spotted what was actually wrong with me and what the source of all my problems were.
Drum roll...
I'm deformed!
YAAAAAAY!
Some of my internal organs are not where they are supposed to be thanks to an accident of nature. So that's what's been causing my pain. And the nurse told me like I was supposed to know, which was annoying and weird. As she was scanning me, she said to me, "do you know that your organs lean slightly to the right?" Like, how on earth was I supposed to know that without cutting myself open? Apparently it's something that can happen sometimes. It's not common, but it's not something that's extremely rare either, and most people don't realise that they're like that. Heck, they only found out I had that problem by accident. Though according to that nurse, I should have known apparently. Pffft.
I was so excited that they had finally found out what was wrong, and I actually found it quite hilarious since it matches my personality so well. Trust me to be born with wonky organs. But then I received the news that there was nothing they could do about it. Actually, correction, they could do something about it, they have just chosen not to. They don't wanna waste resources I guess. So yeah, I'm stuck with this issue. It's not harmful or dangerous to me in any way, it's just something that happens sometimes. Though apparently one possible cure for it is getting pregnant. Thanks, but no thanks on that one. I'm nowhere near ready for that. I can't even look after myself, let alone a helpless baby. For now, I'd rather put up with the pain.
The nurse gave me some advice on how best to cope with it, which I've now got to adopt, so hopefully it will help at least somewhat. I guess I'll just have to find out.
Other than that, I've been studying my butt off for my health exams. Sometimes I wish I'd worked this hard in school, because I could have probably gotten all As if I applied myself like I am doing now. But meh. I can't change the past. I am finding the work a lot of fun to be honest, and it's all really fascinating. I just didn't realise how much work would be involved. My poor hand keeps getting cramps from all the note writing. I have my final exam on Tuesday, so here's hoping that I pass.
When I've not been poked and prodded by doctors, or studying, I've been working, eating and sleeping. The times where I have been able to relax have mainly been spent playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf, which I'm still super addicted to. My town is looking so awesome now! It has me even more excited for the new game coming out next year. We've been long overdue for the next installment of the series. I just find the game so relaxing, and I can get lost in it for hours. Plus, I've also found a new friend to play with me, which is fun. That is until she starts digging holes in my town and starts stealing my rare flowers grrrrr. I'll get my revenge for that one. My poor purple roses. Those took me forever to grow. *sniff*
My boyfriend and I had a cool Halloween night planned out, and we were gonna watch movies and watch scary videos, but that kinda didn't end up happening. We were both so exhausted that we just ended up falling asleep, which is a shame, as Halloween is our favourite holiday. So yeah, it was a bit of a fail. Still, at least I have 5th November to look forward to. High five fellow UK readers. I do love bonfire night, but some of the really loud and big fireworks can set off an anxiety or panic attack sometimes. I guess it just depends on how close I am to them.
I probably won't end up attending a bonfire event though, since non of my friends can ever be bothered to join me. Maybe that's for the best though, as I ate too much and made myself sick at a bonfire I attended a few years ago. I couldn't help it though, those jacket potatoes were super delicious! And the soup. And the flapjack. And the toffee. Okay, so yeah, I'm a big fat pig.
I guess I'll just have to be content with watching the fireworks from my window like usual these past couple of years. Though I'll probably spend most of that time comforting my poor dog. My aunt and uncle also aren't having a good time as stupid kids keep launching fireworks at their house and church. This is why I think firework sales should be banned for the general public. People are too stupid and can't be trusted. So yeah, that's been pretty intense.
Luckily this week, I did manage to finally get a little bit of work done to slowly ease myself back into things. I finally finished and released my review of the episode Ladybug, which you can read by clicking here if you haven't already. I also finally edited and uploaded a chapter of Madness Within onto AO3 after months of the story collecting dust on that website. It was great to see I still had an audience for that story on that website. I'm so lucky to have such wonderful and dedicated readers, across all of the sites that I post my stories on. And it's sweet that some of you grew concerned about me. I appreciate it, guys.
So yeah, this week I'm hoping to get some chapters out. I have no clue on what days though, I guess it just depends on work and what not. I hate leaving my stories this long without updates. It makes me super twitchy and I feel really guilty, especially when people tell me how much my stories mean to them and how much updates make their day. I wish that real life wouldn't get in the way so much.
I hope that you guys are all doing okay, and things should get relatively back to normal now. My review for Ikari Gozen will be released tomorrow, so keep an eye out for that, as well as story updates. I wish I could give you guys a better idea of when I might update, but my plans are a bit up in the air for this week. I hope you guys understand.
Sorry for the the super short entry again, but hey, at least it's longer than the one from two weeks ago. Last week I didn't even bother since I would have nothing to talk about, and I was too stressed dealing with all these tests, both medical and scholarly. But now that I know I'm deformed, most of that stress has now come to an end. I hope.
I feel guilty doing so, but I did have to chuckle a bit when I read that you're deformed. Poor dear. If it's any consolation, when I was born my intestines were too small, resulting in me barely keeping anything down as a newborn/infant. According to my mother, my doctor claimed my intestinal tract grew with me and should be properly proportional now, but.... for all I know, I could still be "deformed" as well. And maybe that's all the nurse meant by her comment: "did your doctors/parents already discover this and let you know?" as opposed to "how did you not instinctively know this?"
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm glad you figured things out, but I'm sorry it's not something that's "fixable" per se. That's a bummer. :( I hope your body at least sorts itself out enough that the pain ceases.
No worries about those stories (or the blog posts), dear. You have much more significant things to deal with first. Also, I too absolutely love Halloween, but haven't been "feeling it" due to exhaustion the past few years. I hope the 5th was at least a fun time for you.
Anyway, I hope this week goes better for you.
Lol, that's fine. I was laughing at is as well. Wowzers, that sounds like it could be painful. Yeah, I thought she might have meant that, but she had my medical records right in front of her, so she could've just checked them. I have no idea. I hope that it does too. There's actually a herbal tea that's supposed to help with the pain, so I'm gonna try giving that a go.
DeleteAwww thank you, you're so sweet! I'm glad to know it's not just me not feeling the vibes this year. Though I'm sorry to hear that you weren't feeling it either. Being an adult sucks. I hope that I at least get Christmas vibes this year, as I wasn't really feeling the 5th either.
Thank you!