The title pretty much explains the whole of this blog entry. I almost didn't see the point of making an entry for this week, but I figured that you guys at least deserved an update of what's going on and why things are still progressing really slowly. So yeah, this blog entry is probably going to be on the short and boring side, so I don't blame you if you want to skip past this one.
But yeah, this week has been pretty much the same as last week, only without the scary verbal abuse from a random customer. Which is a bonus, I suppose. But everything has just been pretty run-of-the-mill: getting up, going to work, studying, sleeping and then rinse and repeat. Once again as you can probably tell, I hardly got any writing done, and I'm really sorry about that. It's those darn medical issues again, and just feeling constantly exhausted from work and studying. So yeah, it's been a boring and unproductive week.
As you read last week, I had hoped to finally get back into somewhat of a writing schedule and get some more chapters pumped out this week. Yeeeeaaaaaahhhh that didn't end up happening. By the time Monday rolled around, I was feeling super drained and exhausted again. I had begun working on some writing when I received a message from my doctor telling me to book another blood test. That immediately sent me into a panicked state as it had only been a few days since I did the test, and they said that I wouldn't know the results for over two weeks and they never mentioned taking a second test.
As you can probably imagine, I started assuming that something serious was going on. I was terrified that they had found something and that was why they were calling me back to have another test. I had a full-blown panic attack, and it took a while for my boyfriend to calm me down and get me to call the doctor. When I did, they were so casual and told me that it was all just routine and that they hadn't found anything in my blood test. I wanted to slap my doctor so bad when I heard that. Why the urgency in the message? Why send it that quick after the first one?! Thanks, doctor. Thanks for that heart attack. Really appreciate it.
After all that, I totally and completely emotionally crashed and couldn't handle anything for the rest of the day. Or the rest of the week for that matter. I've just been in a bit of a trance so everything feels really weird and my anxiety is starting to spike again. Fun fun fun. I did finally manage to catch up on a good few messages though, but I'm still mad at myself for not being able to get any writing or reading done. It's caused me to feel like a little bit of a failure. I really feel like I need some time away from real life. I wish I could run away to the middle of nowhere where I can do nothing but write all day and night. I've got so many ideas bursting from my brain and I'm desperate to get them all written, but real life just keeps getting in the way, and it's starting to make me feel like I'm going to explode.
However, on Friday, I did manage to get at least a little bit of writing done. I managed to work on the next chapter of Immortal Bonds, so at least I've given myself a little bit of a head-start on that. I'm just annoyed that I wasn't able to get it finished and uploaded, just like the other chapters from my other stories that are starting to collect dust on my computer. It's making me super twitchy.
Plus, my boyfriend has also been ill these past couple of days, so I've been trying to be there for him as well. So overall, I've just been feeling a bit overwhelmed. I have my scan appointment tomorrow and I'm feeling really nervous about it. It doesn't help that I have no idea where I'm supposed to go, and I've even forgotten the exact time of the appointment, so I'm already off to a good start. I also have my other blood test booked for this week as well which has me even more anxious. So even though I'm really hoping that I can update my stories next week, I can't make any promises. I guess it all depends on how I cope with everything.
Once again I'm really sorry about all this, guys.
But yeah, this week has been pretty much the same as last week, only without the scary verbal abuse from a random customer. Which is a bonus, I suppose. But everything has just been pretty run-of-the-mill: getting up, going to work, studying, sleeping and then rinse and repeat. Once again as you can probably tell, I hardly got any writing done, and I'm really sorry about that. It's those darn medical issues again, and just feeling constantly exhausted from work and studying. So yeah, it's been a boring and unproductive week.
As you read last week, I had hoped to finally get back into somewhat of a writing schedule and get some more chapters pumped out this week. Yeeeeaaaaaahhhh that didn't end up happening. By the time Monday rolled around, I was feeling super drained and exhausted again. I had begun working on some writing when I received a message from my doctor telling me to book another blood test. That immediately sent me into a panicked state as it had only been a few days since I did the test, and they said that I wouldn't know the results for over two weeks and they never mentioned taking a second test.
As you can probably imagine, I started assuming that something serious was going on. I was terrified that they had found something and that was why they were calling me back to have another test. I had a full-blown panic attack, and it took a while for my boyfriend to calm me down and get me to call the doctor. When I did, they were so casual and told me that it was all just routine and that they hadn't found anything in my blood test. I wanted to slap my doctor so bad when I heard that. Why the urgency in the message? Why send it that quick after the first one?! Thanks, doctor. Thanks for that heart attack. Really appreciate it.
After all that, I totally and completely emotionally crashed and couldn't handle anything for the rest of the day. Or the rest of the week for that matter. I've just been in a bit of a trance so everything feels really weird and my anxiety is starting to spike again. Fun fun fun. I did finally manage to catch up on a good few messages though, but I'm still mad at myself for not being able to get any writing or reading done. It's caused me to feel like a little bit of a failure. I really feel like I need some time away from real life. I wish I could run away to the middle of nowhere where I can do nothing but write all day and night. I've got so many ideas bursting from my brain and I'm desperate to get them all written, but real life just keeps getting in the way, and it's starting to make me feel like I'm going to explode.
However, on Friday, I did manage to get at least a little bit of writing done. I managed to work on the next chapter of Immortal Bonds, so at least I've given myself a little bit of a head-start on that. I'm just annoyed that I wasn't able to get it finished and uploaded, just like the other chapters from my other stories that are starting to collect dust on my computer. It's making me super twitchy.
Plus, my boyfriend has also been ill these past couple of days, so I've been trying to be there for him as well. So overall, I've just been feeling a bit overwhelmed. I have my scan appointment tomorrow and I'm feeling really nervous about it. It doesn't help that I have no idea where I'm supposed to go, and I've even forgotten the exact time of the appointment, so I'm already off to a good start. I also have my other blood test booked for this week as well which has me even more anxious. So even though I'm really hoping that I can update my stories next week, I can't make any promises. I guess it all depends on how I cope with everything.
Once again I'm really sorry about all this, guys.
You're fine, no need to apologize. Your health is more important than anything, and if something happens to you then I might never get to find out the end of the story!
ReplyDeleteIf you can't remember the time or location just call as soon as they open up to "verify" the information. They are used to those calls so don't worry about feeling awkward.
And yes being sick is the worst. Especially a cold where you can't really take anything to make it go away :(
Thank you so much for being so understanding! Lol, I'm fine, so don't worry...I think...I hope... I'll find out the full results of everything on Friday, but I think the root cause of my problems has been discovered.
DeleteUgh yeah, the annoying thing with colds is that there's no cure so you often just have to ride it out. Though Echinacea can be helpful in relieving the symptoms.
As kidakame said, your health - both physical and mental - is the most important. You focus on that, and try not to stress yourself out too much. I know, if that were possible then panic attacks wouldn't be a thing, but maybe try not to ADD stress is all I mean.
ReplyDeleteI'll keep trying to send positive vibes your way. I hope everything worked out well for your scan, and that it will work out fine for the blood test. Or, rather, that they figure out what is wrong so they can start correcting it, but I hope it's nothing terribly too major so that it's curable/manageable...
Have you thought of updating on offsetting weeks? Work on Madness Within one week, then Immortal Bonds another week, and Chat Vert a third week, and any one-shot side projects the forth week of the month? That way you can still feel productive by posting something weekly, but it's not so overwhelming? I'm sure your readers wouldn't mind a once-a-month update schedule. It's still more frequent than a lot of writers.
Anyway, I hope everything evens out for you. That "run away from reality" thing is such a mood! I feel ya there, girl.
Ugh yeah, I've just been feeling so done and exhausted lately because of everything that's been going on. But hopefully it will all be over this week and I'll finally have the answers on what's been going on.
DeleteThank you! You're so sweet! Lol, the scan was certainly an interesting event. I think what's been causing my problems has finally been figured out, and if it is that particular thing that's causing it, then there isn't much that they can do other than giving me more appropriate pain medication.
I have thought about that. I guess I'll just see how everything goes when I try to get back into the swing of things this week. Lol, yeah, running from reality is still sounding really tempting! Thank you so much for all of your support!
It's good to see that you're alive atleast! :)
ReplyDeleteHave been meaning to write this but haven't got to it yet and maybe you need to hear it now.
I just love your stories! Your writing inspires me so much that I just wish to find time myself to start writing again. The way you explain mental health is magical and got me through a really hard summer. Lost my favorite cat due to cancer and she ment everything to me so in my heartache and sorrow, your stories saved me!
Thank you so much for the magic you create! Your updates are always a highlight I'm looking forward to and I'd wait for them forever if I had to.
Take care of yourself first!! I always feel like your updates are an happy surprise when they come. Thank you for being you!
Oh stars, you literally almost had me in tears with this comment! Thank you so much! I really don't know what to say, and I'm blushing so much right now. I'm so sorry to hear about your cat and that you've been going through a tough time. I'm glad that my stories managed to bring you at least some level of comfort! It's people like you that really inspire to keep writing! To know that I'm helping make people's day feel a little bit better is truly amazing! I hope that you're doing at least a little bit better now, and me and the community here are always here for you! <3
DeleteAwwwww <3
ReplyDelete