Guess who's back, back again. I kinda went off-grid for a little bit, and I'm really sorry about that. I wish that it hadn't happened, but gah, my body decided that it wanted to turn against me these past two weeks and make my life hell. I hate being unproductive, especially since I had the perfect opportunity to get some actual work done considering I had a few days off work. But nah, the universe decided that was too easy for me.
So yeah, if you follow me on Twitter or on DeviantArt, then you'll know that I haven't exactly been having the best time lately thanks to many things in my body going wrong one after the other. This meant that I literally just couldn't concentrate on writing at all. I haven't even been able to work on ideas and plan stories. I've mainly just been wallowing around doing nothing and it sucked. I didn't have the energy for anything. But luckily, I am feeling a lot more refreshed now and ready to get back to work! Starting with taking a look at what happened last week.
It pretty much all started last week on a normal Thursday when I woke up, having plenty of time before my shift started, so I was feeling pretty good and ready for the day. Then all of a sudden, an alarm on my phone went off, telling me that I had to be at work in half an hour. I chalked it up to me forgetting to add my new rota into my calendar, as I could have sworn that I had another two hours before I needed to be in for work, and dismissed the alarm before continuing to lounge around in bed. But something didn't quite feel right. My gut instinct was nagging me to double check my rota just to make absolutely sure, so I went and had a look and...
I had to be at work in thirty minutes. And I was still in bed. In my pyjamas.
And my job is on the other side of town.
Well, I never thought that I would die of a heart attack at the age of twenty-two, but hey, stranger things have happened. My life flashed before my eyes, and in that moment, I knew true fear. I had no clue how I had gotten it into my head that I was supposed to be in work two hours later than I was supposed to. This wasn't one of those understandable things like being in an accident or public transport being late. This was my own stupidity, and my manager would have been well within her right to fire me if I was super late for that careless reason.
Needless to say, I don't think I've ever leapt out of bed so fast in my life, not even when I'd set my room on fire. I brushed my teeth while brushing my hair at the same time and got dressed into my uniform within ten seconds flat. What happened next helped me come to the conclusion that I'm one of the most luckiest unlucky people in the world. Literally as I reached the bus stop, a bus showed up and got me to where I needed to be. I then literally walked through the door bang on the hour that my shift was due to start. Sure I was sweaty and out of breath, but I had made it. I felt so jammy, it was unreal. But at the same time, I was still have a heart attack at the too close for comfort mistake I had made. I'm so stupid sometimes that I literally have no idea how I've made it this far in life.
However, as the day continued, I began to realise that in my rush to get to work that morning, I had made a very critical mistake. I'd forgotten to take my medication.
Uh oh. But oh well, it's just one day. I'll be fine. Right?
The first few hours, I was fine, but then I started feeling really weird. Like, really really weird. I almost felt like I was on autopilot and I kept getting stuck inside my own head. I couldn't listen to or understand what anyone was saying properly, I kept staring off into space (more so than usual) and I just felt completely and totally disconnected from the world. I felt like a zombie. But that didn't last too long as all of the anxiety that my medication usually suppresses came bubbling to the surface.
I nearly had a full-on breakdown in the public. Once again, every little noise was making me jump. I was super hyper aware of everyone around me, and I became convinced that everyone was staring at me and laughing at me. And this was just from missing ONE day's worth of medication. I can't even begin to imagine what it would feel like if I had completely stopped cold turkey for days on end.
By the time I got home, I collapsed and had a meltdown. It took forever for my boyfriend to calm me down, and what was the main cause of my huge panic attack you may ask? Being on time for work. Being on time for work instead of being early. I had a huge panic attack over that. Mental illness sure is a weird thing. I remained a wreck for the rest of the night and all throughout the weekend, convinced that I had committed the crime of the century, and that at any moment, my boss was going to fire me for having the audacity to arrive on time instead of early for once.
Just as I was mentally recovering and ready to get back into the swing of things SURPRISE! Major pain flare up. This one was the worst ones I've had for a long time, and no painkillers were helping at all. This is something that I've suffered from for like ten years or so, and it's annoying as hell as it always majorly interferes with things. At first I thought it was normal, and doctors don't seem too concerned, but after reading a magazine article at work a few weeks ago, I'm beginning to finally suspect what could be causing it. All of my symptoms match, so I'm hopefully going to try and bring it up with a doctor soon. Hopefully then I'll finally have some relief. Even if it means having an operation, which would suck, but at least hopefully I won't be in as much pain.
So that lasted a few days and prevented me from getting any work done. Then my brother came home from his travels to New York, so I was spending some time with him, listening to his travel stories and looking at photos. It has been a city that he has always wanted to travel to, and it was great seeing him so happy. Sometimes I wish I was an adventurous person, but I'm really not. In a lot of regards, my brother and I couldn't be more polar opposites if we tried. You literally cannot tell that we're related at all. We look and act nothing alike, it's quite hilarious.
After that, it was his birthday, so we were all celebrating that. But that once again meant dealing with my asshole of a family. Most of my family now seems to be pretending that my brother doesn't exist like they did with me for many years. Our dad tossed his present at him before quickly leaving to be with his new family. He heard and recieved nothing off our sister, not even a birthday wish, and one of our aunts had clearly forgotten it was his birthday and had posted a last minute card, wishing him a happy 19th birthday. It was his 20th. It's heartbreaking that my brother still lets them all treat him like that. It makes me so glad that I have nothing to do with them now, but it still hurts and makes me angry when I see them inflicting their asshole-ness on other people. It's embarrassing as well. Like...I'm related to those things?! Ugh!
I ended up treating him to a pizza and a movie of his choice to try and make up for everyone else's horrible antics, and his friends also soon whisked him away, so who needs family? I know that I'm certainly one hundred percent done with them. They can all go to hell as far as I'm concerned.
Ahem, anyway, pathetic personal life ranting aside, things were pretty busy. But by this week, I was so sure that I would be ready to start writing or at least getting some writing related work done, but oh no, the universe wanted to throw one last thing at me. See, as well as gifting me with a keyring from New York, my brother had also brought another gift home for me. A nasty cold virus. Everyone around me started dropping like flies and it wasn't long before I had succumbed to it as well, which is double unlucky, as I hardly ever catch anything.
I literally couldn't breathe for days. I was so badly congested that I felt like I was breathing through a hole the size of a needle. I couldn't sleep because I couldn't breathe, and I overall looked and felt disgusting. I kept losing my voice slightly, choking, sneezing and just bleh, all that lovely gross stuff.
Today I'm finally starting to fully get rid of it. I've still got the sniffles a bit and I occassionally start choking, but I can breathe again, and that's the main thing. Man, we really take the ability to breathe for granted. Oxygen is incredibly underrated. I'd even popped into work on my day off just to see if I could get anything that might help. To add insult to inury, when I did have work the next day, I had an exam on the common cold. I mean, talk about rubbing it in. Also, while I was in the middle of that, I had a customer come in crying her eyes out because of how sick she was and that she was desperate to help. That was really heartbreaking, and my training never really covered what to do when a customer has a mental breakdown in front of you.
Shockily, my manager didn't really seem to care all that much for the poor lady, which was weird, considering my manager is quite a nice and caring person. It was left to me to deal with her and to try and calm her down and reassure her that everything was going to be okay. I managed to figure out her condition and helped her find some appropriate medicine to help. She was so grateful and embarrassed, and that just broke my heart even more. I hope that she's doing okay now, and that if she does come back for more help, I'm there to help since no one else seemed to care. I get that she was a customer/patient or whatever, but a little humanity and compassion can go a long way and can sometimes be the best medicine. I refuse to detatch myself from human emotions just so that I can look professional, or because I'm only interested in the pay-check. I feel like the people I'm trying help always respond better and seem more comfortable when I actually act like a human who cares.
So yeah, that's been my past two weeks in a nutshell. Now I'm just trying to catch up on everything since I've been gaining a huge backlog of comments, messages, things to read, episodes to review and all that jazz. Speaking of the episodes, at least they were there to cheer me up, along with the release of the Steven Universe movie. I also finally got Netflix, and I've been addicted to watching Black Mirror. That show is literally so amazingly written, though I shouldn't be surprised since one of my favourite comedians, Charlie Brooker, is part of the writing team.
This week I'm going to try and work really hard to catch up on everything again and get back on track. That is providing that nothing else goes wrong of course. So tomorrow, I should hopefully be releasing my review of The Puppeteer 2, as well as the next chapter of Chat Vert. I can't believe that I've hit over 100 reviews on that story already. Thank you so much, guys! New episode reviews should hopefully be released every Monday in the order that they aired in, and if anyone has any other blog post ideas for Miraculous Monday, I'm all ears. It was fun completing the fanfiction writing advice request for one of my readers. So yeah, if you have any ideas, then don't be shy.
As for Madness Within, I'm hoping to release the next chapter for that story on Friday. Thank you so much for how amazingly supportive you guys have been with that story. I also need to correct that stupid continuity error I made in that story. It'll be an easy fix, but it's just such a faff. No clue how I managed to allow that to happen, but at least it's only something really minor and isn't a major plot point because yeesh, that would have been really bad.
But yeah, I have risen again! It feels good to be back and not feel like I'm dying for once. I have so much pent up writing energy, so I hope that I can put all of that to good use!
So yeah, if you follow me on Twitter or on DeviantArt, then you'll know that I haven't exactly been having the best time lately thanks to many things in my body going wrong one after the other. This meant that I literally just couldn't concentrate on writing at all. I haven't even been able to work on ideas and plan stories. I've mainly just been wallowing around doing nothing and it sucked. I didn't have the energy for anything. But luckily, I am feeling a lot more refreshed now and ready to get back to work! Starting with taking a look at what happened last week.
It pretty much all started last week on a normal Thursday when I woke up, having plenty of time before my shift started, so I was feeling pretty good and ready for the day. Then all of a sudden, an alarm on my phone went off, telling me that I had to be at work in half an hour. I chalked it up to me forgetting to add my new rota into my calendar, as I could have sworn that I had another two hours before I needed to be in for work, and dismissed the alarm before continuing to lounge around in bed. But something didn't quite feel right. My gut instinct was nagging me to double check my rota just to make absolutely sure, so I went and had a look and...
I had to be at work in thirty minutes. And I was still in bed. In my pyjamas.
And my job is on the other side of town.
Well, I never thought that I would die of a heart attack at the age of twenty-two, but hey, stranger things have happened. My life flashed before my eyes, and in that moment, I knew true fear. I had no clue how I had gotten it into my head that I was supposed to be in work two hours later than I was supposed to. This wasn't one of those understandable things like being in an accident or public transport being late. This was my own stupidity, and my manager would have been well within her right to fire me if I was super late for that careless reason.
Needless to say, I don't think I've ever leapt out of bed so fast in my life, not even when I'd set my room on fire. I brushed my teeth while brushing my hair at the same time and got dressed into my uniform within ten seconds flat. What happened next helped me come to the conclusion that I'm one of the most luckiest unlucky people in the world. Literally as I reached the bus stop, a bus showed up and got me to where I needed to be. I then literally walked through the door bang on the hour that my shift was due to start. Sure I was sweaty and out of breath, but I had made it. I felt so jammy, it was unreal. But at the same time, I was still have a heart attack at the too close for comfort mistake I had made. I'm so stupid sometimes that I literally have no idea how I've made it this far in life.
However, as the day continued, I began to realise that in my rush to get to work that morning, I had made a very critical mistake. I'd forgotten to take my medication.
Uh oh. But oh well, it's just one day. I'll be fine. Right?
The first few hours, I was fine, but then I started feeling really weird. Like, really really weird. I almost felt like I was on autopilot and I kept getting stuck inside my own head. I couldn't listen to or understand what anyone was saying properly, I kept staring off into space (more so than usual) and I just felt completely and totally disconnected from the world. I felt like a zombie. But that didn't last too long as all of the anxiety that my medication usually suppresses came bubbling to the surface.
I nearly had a full-on breakdown in the public. Once again, every little noise was making me jump. I was super hyper aware of everyone around me, and I became convinced that everyone was staring at me and laughing at me. And this was just from missing ONE day's worth of medication. I can't even begin to imagine what it would feel like if I had completely stopped cold turkey for days on end.
By the time I got home, I collapsed and had a meltdown. It took forever for my boyfriend to calm me down, and what was the main cause of my huge panic attack you may ask? Being on time for work. Being on time for work instead of being early. I had a huge panic attack over that. Mental illness sure is a weird thing. I remained a wreck for the rest of the night and all throughout the weekend, convinced that I had committed the crime of the century, and that at any moment, my boss was going to fire me for having the audacity to arrive on time instead of early for once.
Just as I was mentally recovering and ready to get back into the swing of things SURPRISE! Major pain flare up. This one was the worst ones I've had for a long time, and no painkillers were helping at all. This is something that I've suffered from for like ten years or so, and it's annoying as hell as it always majorly interferes with things. At first I thought it was normal, and doctors don't seem too concerned, but after reading a magazine article at work a few weeks ago, I'm beginning to finally suspect what could be causing it. All of my symptoms match, so I'm hopefully going to try and bring it up with a doctor soon. Hopefully then I'll finally have some relief. Even if it means having an operation, which would suck, but at least hopefully I won't be in as much pain.
So that lasted a few days and prevented me from getting any work done. Then my brother came home from his travels to New York, so I was spending some time with him, listening to his travel stories and looking at photos. It has been a city that he has always wanted to travel to, and it was great seeing him so happy. Sometimes I wish I was an adventurous person, but I'm really not. In a lot of regards, my brother and I couldn't be more polar opposites if we tried. You literally cannot tell that we're related at all. We look and act nothing alike, it's quite hilarious.
After that, it was his birthday, so we were all celebrating that. But that once again meant dealing with my asshole of a family. Most of my family now seems to be pretending that my brother doesn't exist like they did with me for many years. Our dad tossed his present at him before quickly leaving to be with his new family. He heard and recieved nothing off our sister, not even a birthday wish, and one of our aunts had clearly forgotten it was his birthday and had posted a last minute card, wishing him a happy 19th birthday. It was his 20th. It's heartbreaking that my brother still lets them all treat him like that. It makes me so glad that I have nothing to do with them now, but it still hurts and makes me angry when I see them inflicting their asshole-ness on other people. It's embarrassing as well. Like...I'm related to those things?! Ugh!
I ended up treating him to a pizza and a movie of his choice to try and make up for everyone else's horrible antics, and his friends also soon whisked him away, so who needs family? I know that I'm certainly one hundred percent done with them. They can all go to hell as far as I'm concerned.
Ahem, anyway, pathetic personal life ranting aside, things were pretty busy. But by this week, I was so sure that I would be ready to start writing or at least getting some writing related work done, but oh no, the universe wanted to throw one last thing at me. See, as well as gifting me with a keyring from New York, my brother had also brought another gift home for me. A nasty cold virus. Everyone around me started dropping like flies and it wasn't long before I had succumbed to it as well, which is double unlucky, as I hardly ever catch anything.
I literally couldn't breathe for days. I was so badly congested that I felt like I was breathing through a hole the size of a needle. I couldn't sleep because I couldn't breathe, and I overall looked and felt disgusting. I kept losing my voice slightly, choking, sneezing and just bleh, all that lovely gross stuff.
Today I'm finally starting to fully get rid of it. I've still got the sniffles a bit and I occassionally start choking, but I can breathe again, and that's the main thing. Man, we really take the ability to breathe for granted. Oxygen is incredibly underrated. I'd even popped into work on my day off just to see if I could get anything that might help. To add insult to inury, when I did have work the next day, I had an exam on the common cold. I mean, talk about rubbing it in. Also, while I was in the middle of that, I had a customer come in crying her eyes out because of how sick she was and that she was desperate to help. That was really heartbreaking, and my training never really covered what to do when a customer has a mental breakdown in front of you.
Shockily, my manager didn't really seem to care all that much for the poor lady, which was weird, considering my manager is quite a nice and caring person. It was left to me to deal with her and to try and calm her down and reassure her that everything was going to be okay. I managed to figure out her condition and helped her find some appropriate medicine to help. She was so grateful and embarrassed, and that just broke my heart even more. I hope that she's doing okay now, and that if she does come back for more help, I'm there to help since no one else seemed to care. I get that she was a customer/patient or whatever, but a little humanity and compassion can go a long way and can sometimes be the best medicine. I refuse to detatch myself from human emotions just so that I can look professional, or because I'm only interested in the pay-check. I feel like the people I'm trying help always respond better and seem more comfortable when I actually act like a human who cares.
So yeah, that's been my past two weeks in a nutshell. Now I'm just trying to catch up on everything since I've been gaining a huge backlog of comments, messages, things to read, episodes to review and all that jazz. Speaking of the episodes, at least they were there to cheer me up, along with the release of the Steven Universe movie. I also finally got Netflix, and I've been addicted to watching Black Mirror. That show is literally so amazingly written, though I shouldn't be surprised since one of my favourite comedians, Charlie Brooker, is part of the writing team.
This week I'm going to try and work really hard to catch up on everything again and get back on track. That is providing that nothing else goes wrong of course. So tomorrow, I should hopefully be releasing my review of The Puppeteer 2, as well as the next chapter of Chat Vert. I can't believe that I've hit over 100 reviews on that story already. Thank you so much, guys! New episode reviews should hopefully be released every Monday in the order that they aired in, and if anyone has any other blog post ideas for Miraculous Monday, I'm all ears. It was fun completing the fanfiction writing advice request for one of my readers. So yeah, if you have any ideas, then don't be shy.
As for Madness Within, I'm hoping to release the next chapter for that story on Friday. Thank you so much for how amazingly supportive you guys have been with that story. I also need to correct that stupid continuity error I made in that story. It'll be an easy fix, but it's just such a faff. No clue how I managed to allow that to happen, but at least it's only something really minor and isn't a major plot point because yeesh, that would have been really bad.
But yeah, I have risen again! It feels good to be back and not feel like I'm dying for once. I have so much pent up writing energy, so I hope that I can put all of that to good use!
First of all, you weren't dumb simply because you got your work start time wrong. I've done that. I've forgotten what day of the week it was and either ended up super early or super late to work before – on Sundays we open the store an hour later than usual. I've also forgotten that I've switched shifts with someone, or something of that regards, and got that dreaded “uh, you coming in?” call while still in my PJs. Stress just does that to you; makes you jumble up dates and times. It's not stupidity. I promise.
ReplyDeleteI'm also so sorry you had to go through all of that because of missing a day of medication. I can't imagine what it must be like to live with anxiety like that. I'm glad you had your boyfriend there to help you through it, even if you still had to break down that evening.
It's so sad that your family is like that, but I'm sure your brother is glad to have you, and his friends, and presumably your mom. Also, please send him a happy belated 20th from me, will you? Actually, funny side note, one of my husband's co-workers also just turned 20, and her mom got her a cake that said “congratulations for avoiding teenage pregnancy” on it. She loved it! XD
Good for you, taking care of that woman like that. Maybe she's a bit of a hypochondriac who frequents your work quite a bit, which is why everyone else was so “whatever,” but regardless, it's nice that you still had that compassion. It does mean a lot to customers/patients. Also, oof on that cold (The Americans are still trying to take down the British empire, I guess), but I do love the timing of being quizzed on the common cold just as you're recovering from one.
Finally, if you have Netflix now, I suggest “Troll Hunters” by Dreamworks. I got into it because a lot of the ML fandom was into it. The animation is gorgeous, the story is compelling, the action sequences are dynamic. Just. Yes. :D Also, “Stranger Things” obviously. ;)
Okay, that definitely makes me feel a little bit better. I hate how my anxiety blows everything out of proportion for me. I could understand me feeling like that if I was late, but I was on time. Ugh, my brain is so weird and annoying.
DeleteMeh, I'm used to it. I just hate seeing other people suffer as a result. Sure thing! BAHAHAHAHA! That's amazing! I love it when parents have a sense of humour like that! That's hilarious and a genius idea!
She didn't sound like a hypochondriac as I know what those sound like, given it's something I experience myself sometimes and I know a few other people who are like that. I think she was falling apart because she was having issues with her intestines, which can have a huge effect on overall mood. The gut is like the body's second brain, it's really weird. I often get complimented on how empathetic I am at work, so yaaay! Glad I can help people feel comfortable and help them get better.
Lol, yeah. It was so ironic and cruel.
Cool, thanks for the recommendations. I'll add that to my list of stuff that I need to watch.
Colds are the worse. I'm getting over mine, and my kids are still sick. Which of course makes them more cranky than usual. I had to work through my cold, even though I just wanted to curl under the blankets. At least everything was fresh in your mind for the quiz lol
ReplyDeleteYikes, everybody seems to be catching it at the moment. Literally everyone I know has been struck down with it. Colds make me cranky, so I can only imagine what it does to kids. I remember being a nightmare as a kid whenever I had a cold. Lol, yeah. Thank goodness for small mercies, lol. I hope you and your children get better soon!
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