Guess it was a good job that I decided to take the week off again. Because the main theme of my week this time was, you guessed it, sickness. It was seriously like it was just one disaster after another for me this week, though some great stuff was mixed it, so it wasn't all bad. But still, I really hate being sick, and I'm a really bad patient, so people around me also hate it when I get sick.
Ahhh, the joys of illness. I'm not someone who gets sick often, especially with catching bugs and viruses. Most of the time when I do get sick, it's self inflicted. But there seems to be a really contagieous cold virus going around where I live right now, and my brother ended up passing it onto me. Yay! What I hoped would be a relaxing week of me re-setting myself and catching up on a lot of things ended in complete disaster. Thanks a bunch, germs.
But before I had to deal with all of that, my weekend was full of stress. I was really behind with a lot of my writing, and the next chapter of Madness Within had been delayed by a day due to the fact that I had a mental health assessment on the Friday I would usually spend finishing it up. So yeah, that rendered me too tired to write, and I figured that a day delay wouldn't hurt.
Boy was I wrong.
I thought that I would get an early start with everything, and I had just sat down to write when, of course, my neighbours start making a lot of noise. I think I've mentioned on this blog a few times just how much I hate most of my neighbours. Like, seriously, how was it possible that nearly everyone around me decided to do yard work at the exact same time? One person using a lawn mower or a hedge cutter I can deal with, but five people at once? On top of a dog that was barking none stop all afternoon? I couldn't believe my rotten luck.
Thanks to anxiety, I don't cope very well with loud noises, as I am prone to suffering from what is apparently called, a 'sensory overload.' My brain just crashes like a computer and I end up having a freak out session because the noises feel like they've embedded themselves deep into my brain.
But the real horror came when I got ready to look at my notes for the next chapter, and then realised that half of my notes for the rest of the story were missing. Needless to say, I freaked out. I was panicking to you guys on Twitter, and you were so sweet to me with how you reassured me and offered me advice. It helped me calm down enough to begin looking for them properly.
Normally I keep them all in my story notebook, but for some reason, I just couldn't seem to find my Madness Within notes for the next chapters. If I'd lost my plans for the chapters that I had already written, I wouldn't have really cared, but the fact that I was stupid enough to lose future chapter plans had me wanting to swan dive out of the window and into the trash can.
Luckily, I did manage to locate pretty much most of my ideas. They were all completely mixed up, and I was having a hard time remembering which plot points went where. By this point, it was the evening, and I knew that there would be no way that I would be able to finish the chapter on time. So I had to swallow my pride and admit to you guys that there would be another delay. Yeah, so much for the 99.9% reassurance I gave you guys. I really need to stop jinxing myself and tempting fate like that. I felt so guilty over the whole thing.
Though I ended up using that guilt to drive me the next day. I was determined to finish that chapter, no matter what. It was hard work, as I was super stressed because I knew that my work was piling up, but I did manage to give the chapter as much focus as I could, and I was pretty happy with the end result. It wasn't exactly how I had imagined the whole thing in my head, but it was the best translation I could do while trying to make the situations and reactions feel as real as possible.
The main problem was that the chapter ended up being 8000 words long, which put me further behind schedule. I never expected the chapter to be that long, but I often easily get carried away, so the chapter took way longer to write than anticipated. Originally, I had planned to finish the Madness Within chapter and my review for the episode Bakerix in one day. I had locked myself away in my room and fully dedicated myself to it.
Unfortunately, I only had time to finish the chapter. This ended up causing some huge problems for me. Because I update my blog and Chat Vert on Monday, I typically write my review on Sunday to give me plenty of time to write the Chat Vert chapter the next day. But because I had put myself behind with Madness Within, it created a bottleneck in my schedule. This was further made worse by the fact that I had an important meeting that I needed to attend on Monday, meaning that I lost more writing time; I just couldn't catch up. The meeting was also exhausting and finished way later than expected.
During my walk home, I came to the realisation that I was way too stressed and too far behind to ever properly catch up. But I was determined to continue on, hoping that maybe I could catch up by some miracle. Maybe I could have even done it on Tuesday. It turned out that I was just lying to myself. Tuesday morning was hell as half of my clothes seemed to have disappeared, especially the clothes that I like to wear to work. Then of course, my neighbours started doing loud yard work again, and I began thinking about all of the work I would have to do when I got home to catch up on everything.
I ended up having a panic attack.
Y'know that moment in cartoons and stuff where the character gets overwelmed and the camera spins around them while loud noises, talking and worried thoughts play over them? Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt in that moment. I then knew in that moment that the only way I was going to de-stress and sort everything out was to re-set myself. If I took this week off writing and focused on getting other things out of the way, I could then go back to my usual update schedule and get back into my usual rhythm again. I felt incredibly guilty, especially since I had also taken a break two weeks ago, but I knew that it was the only way. Besides, you guys keep telling me how much I need to take care of myself, so I did just that again.
What also made me worry and stress even more was that I was hardly spending any time with my boyfriend this past week, as I've been so determined to catch up on everything at the same time. I felt really bad, and naturally, my boyfriend comes first every time, hands down, no questions asked. So it was such a huge relief to be spending some quality time together, watching spooky videos while he then laughed at my inability to sleep without the covers over my head afterwards.
I managed to get a huge amount of cleaning done as well since the house was such a wreck. It really looked like a bomb had gone off, and it was so embarrassing and annoying. So I cleaned the house from top to bottom. This was also great as cleaning often seems to be incredibly therapeutic to me. I was also having a lot of fun at work since I wasn't dreading all the work that was waiting for me when I got home. It also helped that I was assigned to my favourite task this week, and while doing this, I ended up finding two floppy discs. Damn, they made me feel old. I remember saving work on those things.
However, the joy soon ended on Wednesday when I was in the middle of ironing some clothes. My throat started to feel weird, but I just shrugged it off and blamed it on me being thirsty because of the heat of the iron. It began to get progressively worse throughout the day, and that's when the realisation hit me: I'd caught a cold. I can always tell when I've caught a cold because my throat is always the first and most severely affected. I was shocked at how quickly I went downhill. I went from dancing around as I cleaned to curling up in bed with my throat feeling like sandpaper, my head pounding, my nose becoming stuffed up and just generally feeling like someone had dropped me in the middle of the Arctic.
That night sure was fun for me. I couldn't sleep properly because I couldn't breathe and I kept needing to cough or sneeze. Then things went from bad to worse when I started developing problems with my toe again, so I was now also in a hell of a lot of pain. Walking was like someone shoving a sharp knife into my big toe, and that toe is kinda important for walking. I knew that I needed to try and do something, since I'd been having those issues for years. I had gone to the doctor about it a few times, but they just kept giving me medication and then sending me on my way. So I ended up giving up. The issue did ease up for a while, but now it seems to be getting bad again.
When my alarm went off Thursday morning, I felt like death. My head felt like an elephant was sitting on it, my toe was in agony, and my nose and throat felt awful. I don't normally call in sick to work, especially mainly because of a cold of all things, but damn, I knew that I would just end up being a liability. Also, they would probably just send me home anyway since my manager is really motherly and protective.
I was still hesitant though, as I felt guilty and I hate taking time off, but my boyfriend soon convinced me to do it. I made the call, my manager was totally cool about it, and then I pretty much just passed out after that. I spent most of the day sleeping on and off and just watching videos on YouTube while I laid around in bed. I made myself some nice, hot soup and that helped me a little. I did end up going a little stir crazy though. I hate being sick and like people to just leave me alone when I am. I also feel like I'm wasting a day, and I hate staying in my pyjamas and in bed all day. I have no idea how I did it when I had my mental breakdown and went into an almost catatonic state.
I had a nice hot bubble bath to try and help me feel less gross, but for some reason, that just seemed to cause me to have some sort of relapse. I don't know if I had a fever and just didn't realise it, but it was weird, because baths always make me feel better. I love baths. I actually ended up having an panic attack in the bath because I became convinced that I was going to pass out and drown. So sadly, I couldn't enjoy my bubble bath as much as I hoped that I would. But it did help me feel less disgusting.
Last night I didn't get much sleep either thanks to my cold. When I finally drifted into a stage of deep sleep, my alarm went off and it was time to start the day. I was fuming and just felt like throwing my phone at the wall, but I knew that I had no choice. I had to choose between sleep and my medication. Logic eventually won and I chose medication. So then began the battle of trying to book an appointment with my doctor. I had stupidly left it until the last minute to get my next mental health check-up, and if I couldn't get an appointment today, I would be without medication all weekend. There was also the added joy of hoping that I get an appointment that worked around my therapy session.
After 111 attempts at calling them (seriously), I finally got through and got a decent appointment, though of course my doctor was running late like they always do. No clue how that happens when they seem to have everything so strictly scheduled, and I've never seen someone spend a huge amount of time in their offices. But oh well, what do I know?
My doctor was pretty pleased with my progress and has now trusted me with a repeat prescription which makes things a little bit easier. I asked about my toe issues, and he gave me some advice on it and then got suspicious of me and suggested maybe removing my nails. Ahahahaha, hell no. I noped out of that situation as fast as possible. I can put up with them...I hope anyway. If they continue to be a huge problem I guess I will just have to face my fear and get them removed, but at the moment, I'm fairly okay at managing them. If the operation involved putting me to sleep, then I wouldn't mind it as much, but the fact that the procedure is carried out while you're awake is terrifying.
Like I said, I'm a bad patient. When I needed an extra tooth removing a good few years ago, it took two doctors plus my mum to pin me down and drug me so that I would be more co-operative and not freak out like the last time they attempted it. Yeah, that's a long and embarrassing story. No clue what they squirted into my mouth, but it sure tasted good and made me super zen. They need to put that stuff in my current anxiety medication. My old dentist also loved yet hated me at the same time. She loved how well I looked after my teeth, but when I did need procedures done, they would always go wrong somehow. Like the time one of my teeth spontaneously shattered in my mouth and I began choking on it. Ahhhh memories.
Anyway, I'm ranting (partly because I don't have much to talk about this week).
Therapy went well. I got some shopping done while I was in town and I've now finally started collecting gerbil stuff, ready to be a mother to some fluffy cuties. Though announcing this fact to my boyfriend by saying he's gonna be a dad probably wasn't the wisest move on my part. But I'm super excited! I love gerbils so much!
My journey home was where the fun began though. Recently I made the decision to start walking pretty much everywhere I go instead of taking the bus; it's good excerise and saves me money. So I decided to walk home from therapy. I'd maybe been walking about five minutes when the torrential rain began. But I had already committed, and I was going to finish what I had started. It was only rain. I liked rain, and I had a coat, so it was no big deal.
Somehow, and I have no idea why, but my body got drenched, even though I had a waterproof coat on. How does that even happen? So I was soaking wet and miserable. I was still suffering from my cold which made things worse, and I realised to my utter dismay that I had worn my leaky boots, so my feet also got soaked. By the time I got home, I was a shivering mess, so once again ended up having to spend the rest of the day in my pyjamas and in bed. Though fortunately a hot bath actually helped me this time, and I'm currently snuggled under my duvet while writing this.
Despite not exactly getting much decent rest this week, I'm still hoping to go back to my normal schedule next week. So on Monday you can expect a new Chat Vert chapter, as well as my review for the episode Bakerix. The next chapter of Destiny's Dance will be cleaned up and posted onto AO3 as well as be re-uploaded to FanFiction. Madness Within will be updated on Friday on both FanFiction and AO3, and Pixie's Chronicle is still an every Friday thing. I'm also hoping to be working on my one-shot for ChibiRinni this weekend.
So here's hoping that all goes well.
Ahhh, the joys of illness. I'm not someone who gets sick often, especially with catching bugs and viruses. Most of the time when I do get sick, it's self inflicted. But there seems to be a really contagieous cold virus going around where I live right now, and my brother ended up passing it onto me. Yay! What I hoped would be a relaxing week of me re-setting myself and catching up on a lot of things ended in complete disaster. Thanks a bunch, germs.
But before I had to deal with all of that, my weekend was full of stress. I was really behind with a lot of my writing, and the next chapter of Madness Within had been delayed by a day due to the fact that I had a mental health assessment on the Friday I would usually spend finishing it up. So yeah, that rendered me too tired to write, and I figured that a day delay wouldn't hurt.
Boy was I wrong.
I thought that I would get an early start with everything, and I had just sat down to write when, of course, my neighbours start making a lot of noise. I think I've mentioned on this blog a few times just how much I hate most of my neighbours. Like, seriously, how was it possible that nearly everyone around me decided to do yard work at the exact same time? One person using a lawn mower or a hedge cutter I can deal with, but five people at once? On top of a dog that was barking none stop all afternoon? I couldn't believe my rotten luck.
Thanks to anxiety, I don't cope very well with loud noises, as I am prone to suffering from what is apparently called, a 'sensory overload.' My brain just crashes like a computer and I end up having a freak out session because the noises feel like they've embedded themselves deep into my brain.
But the real horror came when I got ready to look at my notes for the next chapter, and then realised that half of my notes for the rest of the story were missing. Needless to say, I freaked out. I was panicking to you guys on Twitter, and you were so sweet to me with how you reassured me and offered me advice. It helped me calm down enough to begin looking for them properly.
Normally I keep them all in my story notebook, but for some reason, I just couldn't seem to find my Madness Within notes for the next chapters. If I'd lost my plans for the chapters that I had already written, I wouldn't have really cared, but the fact that I was stupid enough to lose future chapter plans had me wanting to swan dive out of the window and into the trash can.
Luckily, I did manage to locate pretty much most of my ideas. They were all completely mixed up, and I was having a hard time remembering which plot points went where. By this point, it was the evening, and I knew that there would be no way that I would be able to finish the chapter on time. So I had to swallow my pride and admit to you guys that there would be another delay. Yeah, so much for the 99.9% reassurance I gave you guys. I really need to stop jinxing myself and tempting fate like that. I felt so guilty over the whole thing.
Though I ended up using that guilt to drive me the next day. I was determined to finish that chapter, no matter what. It was hard work, as I was super stressed because I knew that my work was piling up, but I did manage to give the chapter as much focus as I could, and I was pretty happy with the end result. It wasn't exactly how I had imagined the whole thing in my head, but it was the best translation I could do while trying to make the situations and reactions feel as real as possible.
The main problem was that the chapter ended up being 8000 words long, which put me further behind schedule. I never expected the chapter to be that long, but I often easily get carried away, so the chapter took way longer to write than anticipated. Originally, I had planned to finish the Madness Within chapter and my review for the episode Bakerix in one day. I had locked myself away in my room and fully dedicated myself to it.
Unfortunately, I only had time to finish the chapter. This ended up causing some huge problems for me. Because I update my blog and Chat Vert on Monday, I typically write my review on Sunday to give me plenty of time to write the Chat Vert chapter the next day. But because I had put myself behind with Madness Within, it created a bottleneck in my schedule. This was further made worse by the fact that I had an important meeting that I needed to attend on Monday, meaning that I lost more writing time; I just couldn't catch up. The meeting was also exhausting and finished way later than expected.
During my walk home, I came to the realisation that I was way too stressed and too far behind to ever properly catch up. But I was determined to continue on, hoping that maybe I could catch up by some miracle. Maybe I could have even done it on Tuesday. It turned out that I was just lying to myself. Tuesday morning was hell as half of my clothes seemed to have disappeared, especially the clothes that I like to wear to work. Then of course, my neighbours started doing loud yard work again, and I began thinking about all of the work I would have to do when I got home to catch up on everything.
I ended up having a panic attack.
Y'know that moment in cartoons and stuff where the character gets overwelmed and the camera spins around them while loud noises, talking and worried thoughts play over them? Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt in that moment. I then knew in that moment that the only way I was going to de-stress and sort everything out was to re-set myself. If I took this week off writing and focused on getting other things out of the way, I could then go back to my usual update schedule and get back into my usual rhythm again. I felt incredibly guilty, especially since I had also taken a break two weeks ago, but I knew that it was the only way. Besides, you guys keep telling me how much I need to take care of myself, so I did just that again.
What also made me worry and stress even more was that I was hardly spending any time with my boyfriend this past week, as I've been so determined to catch up on everything at the same time. I felt really bad, and naturally, my boyfriend comes first every time, hands down, no questions asked. So it was such a huge relief to be spending some quality time together, watching spooky videos while he then laughed at my inability to sleep without the covers over my head afterwards.
I managed to get a huge amount of cleaning done as well since the house was such a wreck. It really looked like a bomb had gone off, and it was so embarrassing and annoying. So I cleaned the house from top to bottom. This was also great as cleaning often seems to be incredibly therapeutic to me. I was also having a lot of fun at work since I wasn't dreading all the work that was waiting for me when I got home. It also helped that I was assigned to my favourite task this week, and while doing this, I ended up finding two floppy discs. Damn, they made me feel old. I remember saving work on those things.
However, the joy soon ended on Wednesday when I was in the middle of ironing some clothes. My throat started to feel weird, but I just shrugged it off and blamed it on me being thirsty because of the heat of the iron. It began to get progressively worse throughout the day, and that's when the realisation hit me: I'd caught a cold. I can always tell when I've caught a cold because my throat is always the first and most severely affected. I was shocked at how quickly I went downhill. I went from dancing around as I cleaned to curling up in bed with my throat feeling like sandpaper, my head pounding, my nose becoming stuffed up and just generally feeling like someone had dropped me in the middle of the Arctic.
That night sure was fun for me. I couldn't sleep properly because I couldn't breathe and I kept needing to cough or sneeze. Then things went from bad to worse when I started developing problems with my toe again, so I was now also in a hell of a lot of pain. Walking was like someone shoving a sharp knife into my big toe, and that toe is kinda important for walking. I knew that I needed to try and do something, since I'd been having those issues for years. I had gone to the doctor about it a few times, but they just kept giving me medication and then sending me on my way. So I ended up giving up. The issue did ease up for a while, but now it seems to be getting bad again.
When my alarm went off Thursday morning, I felt like death. My head felt like an elephant was sitting on it, my toe was in agony, and my nose and throat felt awful. I don't normally call in sick to work, especially mainly because of a cold of all things, but damn, I knew that I would just end up being a liability. Also, they would probably just send me home anyway since my manager is really motherly and protective.
I was still hesitant though, as I felt guilty and I hate taking time off, but my boyfriend soon convinced me to do it. I made the call, my manager was totally cool about it, and then I pretty much just passed out after that. I spent most of the day sleeping on and off and just watching videos on YouTube while I laid around in bed. I made myself some nice, hot soup and that helped me a little. I did end up going a little stir crazy though. I hate being sick and like people to just leave me alone when I am. I also feel like I'm wasting a day, and I hate staying in my pyjamas and in bed all day. I have no idea how I did it when I had my mental breakdown and went into an almost catatonic state.
I had a nice hot bubble bath to try and help me feel less gross, but for some reason, that just seemed to cause me to have some sort of relapse. I don't know if I had a fever and just didn't realise it, but it was weird, because baths always make me feel better. I love baths. I actually ended up having an panic attack in the bath because I became convinced that I was going to pass out and drown. So sadly, I couldn't enjoy my bubble bath as much as I hoped that I would. But it did help me feel less disgusting.
Last night I didn't get much sleep either thanks to my cold. When I finally drifted into a stage of deep sleep, my alarm went off and it was time to start the day. I was fuming and just felt like throwing my phone at the wall, but I knew that I had no choice. I had to choose between sleep and my medication. Logic eventually won and I chose medication. So then began the battle of trying to book an appointment with my doctor. I had stupidly left it until the last minute to get my next mental health check-up, and if I couldn't get an appointment today, I would be without medication all weekend. There was also the added joy of hoping that I get an appointment that worked around my therapy session.
After 111 attempts at calling them (seriously), I finally got through and got a decent appointment, though of course my doctor was running late like they always do. No clue how that happens when they seem to have everything so strictly scheduled, and I've never seen someone spend a huge amount of time in their offices. But oh well, what do I know?
My doctor was pretty pleased with my progress and has now trusted me with a repeat prescription which makes things a little bit easier. I asked about my toe issues, and he gave me some advice on it and then got suspicious of me and suggested maybe removing my nails. Ahahahaha, hell no. I noped out of that situation as fast as possible. I can put up with them...I hope anyway. If they continue to be a huge problem I guess I will just have to face my fear and get them removed, but at the moment, I'm fairly okay at managing them. If the operation involved putting me to sleep, then I wouldn't mind it as much, but the fact that the procedure is carried out while you're awake is terrifying.
Like I said, I'm a bad patient. When I needed an extra tooth removing a good few years ago, it took two doctors plus my mum to pin me down and drug me so that I would be more co-operative and not freak out like the last time they attempted it. Yeah, that's a long and embarrassing story. No clue what they squirted into my mouth, but it sure tasted good and made me super zen. They need to put that stuff in my current anxiety medication. My old dentist also loved yet hated me at the same time. She loved how well I looked after my teeth, but when I did need procedures done, they would always go wrong somehow. Like the time one of my teeth spontaneously shattered in my mouth and I began choking on it. Ahhhh memories.
Anyway, I'm ranting (partly because I don't have much to talk about this week).
Therapy went well. I got some shopping done while I was in town and I've now finally started collecting gerbil stuff, ready to be a mother to some fluffy cuties. Though announcing this fact to my boyfriend by saying he's gonna be a dad probably wasn't the wisest move on my part. But I'm super excited! I love gerbils so much!
My journey home was where the fun began though. Recently I made the decision to start walking pretty much everywhere I go instead of taking the bus; it's good excerise and saves me money. So I decided to walk home from therapy. I'd maybe been walking about five minutes when the torrential rain began. But I had already committed, and I was going to finish what I had started. It was only rain. I liked rain, and I had a coat, so it was no big deal.
Somehow, and I have no idea why, but my body got drenched, even though I had a waterproof coat on. How does that even happen? So I was soaking wet and miserable. I was still suffering from my cold which made things worse, and I realised to my utter dismay that I had worn my leaky boots, so my feet also got soaked. By the time I got home, I was a shivering mess, so once again ended up having to spend the rest of the day in my pyjamas and in bed. Though fortunately a hot bath actually helped me this time, and I'm currently snuggled under my duvet while writing this.
Despite not exactly getting much decent rest this week, I'm still hoping to go back to my normal schedule next week. So on Monday you can expect a new Chat Vert chapter, as well as my review for the episode Bakerix. The next chapter of Destiny's Dance will be cleaned up and posted onto AO3 as well as be re-uploaded to FanFiction. Madness Within will be updated on Friday on both FanFiction and AO3, and Pixie's Chronicle is still an every Friday thing. I'm also hoping to be working on my one-shot for ChibiRinni this weekend.
So here's hoping that all goes well.
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