Pixie's Chronicle: Awkward Weirdo

Is it possible for a week to be both eventful yet uneventful at the same time? Because that's honestly how I feel like my week has been.

Most of this blog entry is probably going to be me just going on about random things, as I don't have too much to report writing wise. So hey, if you like reading about me wittering on about random junk, please feel free to carry on reading, but if not, come back next week when I can finally talk more in detail about writing again. That's not to say there isn't writing news, just probably not as much of it as normal since I'm still getting back into the swing of things.

It certainly does feel good to finally be back. I missed blogging more than I thought I would and I had no idea just how much I had come to love it. It seems my body and mind aren't happy unless I'm slamming my fingers against the keyboard, pumping out whatever is inside my head at any given time, whether it's my thoughts and opinions, or a story or poem idea.

And of course, once again, I really can't thank you guys for all of your amazing support. Your comments on my last few entries, as well as some of the messages you have sent me, have honestly nearly had me in tears. Tears of happiness, of course.

I really can't emphasise enough just how much your kind words and support help me out. It makes me feel less alone and that I actually contribute something to the world, no matter how small it is. When people tell me how much my work brightens their day, it really inspires me to keep going. I mean...my work of all things brightens your day? Wow! I don't have the best self-confidence in my work, but seeing stuff like that really stops me from giving up and gives me the boost that I need to be proud of what I do and keep learning and improving.

So this week started on a happy note. Already drunk on all of the amazing support I had gotten, I also got to have some comfort food on Sunday in the form of ordering a pizza. Seriously, the easiest way to my heart is through my stomach. My boyfriend cooked me some honey barbeque chicken once, and from the moment of my first bite, I knew that I would be his forever. I love me a man who can cook. Probably mainly because I'm a disaster in the kitchen, but also because I love good food.

Overall, my weekend was definitely great, especially since it ended in a food coma. I honestly think I have a black hole in my stomach sometimes, because there are occassions where I can just seem to eat and eat and eat and I have no idea where I put it all. I felt like a fat pig, but luckily I think I certainly managed to burn off all of those greasy calories with what happened to me the day after on Monday.

Which leads me to the title of this particular post. It's no secret that I'm not exactly the best in social situations, and interacting with other humans has never really been my forte. So with all the job interviews I've been having lately, to say I was nervous would be an understatement. On top of my social anxiety, I'm just not good in social and formal situations. Especially after a woman who had interviewed a few weeks ago claimed that I made her uncomfortable. Yeah, I have no idea what she means by that as she never went into detail. As far as I remember, I had tried to behave as normal as possible. I was just sat there answering questions, so yeah, no clue what I did wrong. As a result, this has left me even more self-conscience and paranoid when it comes to interviews.

You can probably see where this story is going at this point.

This past Monday, I had a job interview for an apprenticeship that I had applied for. For those that don't know, an apprenticeship is something that you can do in the UK to basically gain work experience, gain a qualification in that field while also earning a wage at the same time. It's kinda similar to an intership or something like that, only better in my opinion. I had taken extra care to make sure that I had prepared a portfolio of all of my work and achievements, something I had stupidly forgotten to show at a previous job interview.

The portfolio that would seal my fate

Feeling ready and more prepared this time, I hopped onto a train and into the next city. Now, this city is kind of like the Detroit of the UK. No offense to people who live in Detroit, I just hear a lot of jokes that Detroit can be a very weird and scary place. It's not a very nice city. Creepy people absolutely everywhere, dirty, scary, and full of a lot of people who will stab you for a pack of cigarettes. So naturally, I'm already more than terrified thanks to my social anxiety, not helped by the fact that I had already been approached specifically, while everyone else was ignored, by a creepy old man at the train station who insisted on wishing me a slow and sinister good morning. Harmless, but still unnerving.

I immediately got lost because I have the sense of direction of a goldfish. Not helped by the fact that cities in Europe are organised in stupid ways, not in neat blocks like American cities are. Our towns and cities are mazes of streets that are hundreds, sometimes even thousands of years old. Thank goodness for Google Maps though, however, thanks to my dyscalculia, I often have a hard time reading them. It was a super good job that I got there early.

After managing to get my bearings, I made it to my interview pretty much without incident, though a creepy guy did follow me into the secure building and all the way up the stairs onto the top floor where I was supposed to be, causing him to be questioned and kicked out by the woman who let me into the room. So yeah, that was weird.

I felt like the interview went pretty okay for me, and I left the building feeling really proud of myself. Even if I don't end up getting the job, the owner of the company had given me some really good advice that I could use, and all job interviews are good practice at the end of the day. She seemed impressed with my portfolio which I made sure to remember to show off this time. So I was feeling really positive as I made my way back to the train station. I checked the train times and thanked my lucky stars that everything had been timed so that I could catch the next train which would be arriving in ten minutes.

I begin searching through my bag for my ticket when I noticed something. My portfolio was gone. I wasn't too bothered about my work examples as they could easily be printed off again, but this portfolio also contained all of my qualifications: my degree, my A-Levels, my GCSEs, everything!

Enter panic mode.

I immediately figured out that I had left it in the office that I had been interviewed in. It would take me five minutes at least to dash back there and get it, so I convinced myself that if I ran back, quickly picked it up and ran back, I could maybe make the train.

So there I am dashing through the city, getting some weird looks off people, and I'm on the verge of having a panic attack as all of the typical anxious thoughts go through my mind. I look like a weirdo, I'm so awkward, what is the company owner going to think of me, and why do I always get myself into these situations? By the time I had run all the way back up the hill, I was all hot and sweaty (thank goodness I had the sense to wear waterproof make-up), and I felt like I was about to collapse from exhaustion as I hadn't slept very well, nor had I eaten anything all day.

I press the intercom and low and behold, it was the owner who answered, so there went my hopes of getting my portfolio back off the PA and hoping the owner would never know what happened. I embarrassingly admited that I had left my work there to which she said she would let me back up. Only when I tried the door, it wouldn't budge. So I'm pushing and pulling on it, suddenly becoming conscious of the CCTV cameras that would probably start to think I was trying to break in. So I just kinda stood akwardly outside the door, waiting for something to happen.

The owner called back, asking where I was and what I was doing. I told her that the door wasn't opening, so she tried again, and this time, the door actually let me in. I head all the way back to the top floor, a total mess, where the owner was waiting with my portfolio. She seemed to see the funny side of it, but I was still paranoid that it would reflect badly on me.

After all that, you guessed it, I missed my train.

I'm thinking I could honestly start a new segment on this blog talking about all of the stupid and awkward situations that I've gotten myself into. Or better yet, make a cringey TV show about it. Ugh, I was just glad when that day was over. Stuff like this tends to happen when I leave the house, and this is why I have issues. I laugh at myself and the things that happen to me, but I always inwardly cringe at them and question why I was made this way.

Apart from all of that, the rest of my week was actually pretty quiet. Just me trying to get back into the swing of things, going over my notes and preparing to start writing chapters of fanfiction again. During my hiatus, it seems my stories have still been recieving a lot of attention which is amazing. I'm just sorry that it's taking me so long to update them. But I'm working on it, I promise.

I've got so much stuff to catch up on. The one-shot I have planned is proving more difficult to write than I thought it would be, so that might not be released for a few more days yet. I'm aiming for no later than Wednesday though. But I am still hoping to get the next chapter of Madness Within up either by Sunday or Monday. I just hope that I can re-capture the tone after such a long break, as I do worry that my rustiness will get noticed. I'm still working on Chat Vert too, and I'm still hoping to get the next chapter for that out soon.

It feels good to be writing reviews for the episodes again, and as always, I always greatly enjoy debating with you guys. I love it when you leave your own mini reviews. So yeah, don't be shy about posting your opinion, even if you disagree with me. That's what debate is all about. My review for the episode Animaestro should also be posted on Monday.

Can I also remind people to be aware when talking about new episodes that haven't been released in English yet, as it's highly likely that I haven't seen them yet, and I don't want too much spoiled for me. My boyfriend and I always like to watch the new episodes together, and he hates subtitles, so we always wait for the English dub to be released. I just wanted to give this quick warning, due to some people talking about the episode Silencer in my comments section, and I'm worried that some people might think I have seen the episode when I haven't. I'll gladly debate about that episode with people once I've seen it, but for now, shhhhhh.

Hopefully next week I'll have more stuff to talk about as I get back into writing again. It's just that this week has been a weird limbo as I try and sort everything out and get things moving again. And like I said, this week has been relatively quiet apart from what happened to me on Monday. I find that talking about awkward situations that make me anxious helps me out and helps me see the funny side rather than letting it give me an anxiety attack. Plus, if you got a laugh out of it, then that just makes it even better.

This coming week I'm also hoping to catch up on a lot of other things too such as LycoRogue's blog as well as her story Prescription for Love. I need to try and see if I can find some new fanfiction as well as I've been neglecting reading it a lot lately. Especially since I could do with doing a new fanfiction review at some point just to mix things up a little bit. Let me know what you guys think or if you have any recommendations.

Pixie out.