This week has been somewhat better, but also somewhat worse than last week. I'm still kind of a zombie thanks to lack of sleep, but at least I have been sleeping a little bit better than I was last week. I seem to be going through a bit of a bad patch with my anxiety as well. That's been keeping me awake at night, and then when I finally do manage to fall asleep, I keep waking up on and off.
So of course, this meant that I didn't get to write Madness Within and Chat Vert for when I wanted. I really do apologise over the huge gap between updates for those stories. I've been so busy trying to write Twelve Days of Chatmas, and make sure that the chapters were all edited and ready to be posted everyday.
A daily upload schedule is so hard to maintain. But I've actually been really proud of myself over how I've managed to pull it off. Though I'm still going to crash and rest when that story is over. It's been fun to write and I'm happy to have gifted it to such amazing friends, but I can't see me ever doing a daily upload challenge again. Not to mention it sends my statistics haywire. Plus, reviewers don't seem to be able to keep up with daily uploads. But still, if any other fanfiction writer out there wants a challenge, try updating every day, because it certainly is very challenging indeed.
But speaking of Twelve Days of Chatmas, I ended up screwing something up. I had originally intended to have the final chapter be posted on Christmas Day, as I mentioned in last week's blog entry, but because I'm an idiot and thanks to my dyscalculia, I miscalculated the days. So now the final chapter of Twelve Days of Chatmas will be posted on Christmas Eve instead. Oh well, I supposed that works out for the best. I doubt many people will be active on FanFiction on Christmas Day.
Because of my lack of sleep, constant exhausted headaches, stress of Christmas coming up and all that jazz, I unfortunately haven't been able to get much writing done at all. Literally all I have for the next chapter of Madness Within is the plan, and that's it. I haven't started writing any of it. But I'm hoping to get back on track with that story after Christmas is over. I'm hoping to get the next chapter out for that at some point before the New Year, and maybe hopefully try and get back to uploading a new chapter roughly every week. I especially want to do this since I've been getting so many amazing reviews for that story now. The more reviews I tend to get (though I don't count ones that are just demanding that I update), the faster I'll update, though of course this also depends on personal circumstances like what's been going on with me over these past two weeks.
But this period of insomnia and anxiety should be over soon. I mean, I live in a constant state of anxiety (thanks abnormal brain), but I go through periods where it gets worse. This is one of those periods. I'll have pretty bad attacks and it'll stop me from sleeping properly. But it should pass soon.
I managed to get at least some work done on Chat Vert. I feel so bad that it is taking so long for the second chapter to be released. I was hoping to have it uploaded last Saturday, but once again, I had a very bad night's sleep. I thought I would try and power through anyway and managed to get a good chunk of the chapter written, but then all of a sudden I got really stressed for some reason and subsequently couldn't concentrate. TLOS21 is always there to reassure me when I can't get a chapter out, reminding me to put my own well-being first and that readers can wait. But it still doesn't really stop me from feeling guilty. I put way too much pressure on myself sometimes. I guess that's because I always have this deep fear of disappointing people.
Of course, that's when the headaches started, which further hindered my concentration. Painkillers for some reason don't work that well on me, they never have done, so I often just have to sit there and suffer. At this point, I was worried that the next chapter of Chat Vert would look and feel rushed, and the last thing I want to do is give you guys something of bad quality just because I'm desperate to get a chapter out. So yeah, all of my new chapters have ended up being delayed.
Because I feel so bad about the huge delay, here's a small sneak peak at chapter two of Chat Vert:
I hope this shows that I have actually been trying to work on new chapters. Thanks to lack of sleep and illness, I haven't really been able to do much work towards finishing it.
However, I didn't just want to sit around and do nothing. I may not be able to write new chapters properly, but I could still do tasks for my stories that required less brain power.
I think it's safe to say that I'm starting to get the hang of AO3 now. I started to get a little apprehensive about posting Destiny's Dance on AO3 since it was my first Miraculous Ladybug fanfiction, and I didn't think it was that good. Plus, I feel like we're too far into the series now for people to be interested or make sense of it. With Madness Within, I feel like I can get away with the canon divergence more since it is set in, as RoseySparrow likes to amusingly put it, 'The Darkest Timeline'. It's obviously a dark AU. But with Destiny's Dance, I tried to stick more with the canon, filling in the blanks that were in the show at the time as well as finally providing some sort of plot and background for Marinette.
But after some more positive reviews came in for Destiny's Dance on FanFiction, I decided 'why the hell not', and finally published it on AO3. You can now read Destiny's Dance on Archive of Our Own by clicking here. It has already been met with some positive feedback, so now I'm now pretty confident in continuing it on there.
At least now, that should finally give me the chance to clean that story up. As Madness Within is also on AO3, I was editing the chapters once again as I was posting, the long period of time between last editing the chapters has allowed me to spot typos more easily, so I would update the chapters on FanFiction as I posted them on AO3. So yeah, if you go back and look at the first five chapters of Madness Within on FanFiction now, you'll notice they're a lot cleaner with hopefully no errors to be seen. Having Destiny's Dance also on AO3 gives me the chance to edit, whereas before, I kept putting it off.
Speaking of AO3, my updating schedule on there will change as of next week. Madness Within will no longer be updated on Tuesdays, but instead on Fridays. Destiny's Dance will be updated on Wednesdays. So that means you can also expected tidier versions of certain chapters to be posted on FanFiction on the same days as well.
When going through my chapters of those stories, I can't believe just how many stupid errors that I missed while editing. For some reason, I'm really bad at editing my own FanFiction. I partly blame it on a lack of time, and partly because, well, it's my own work, so I often read what I expect to be there rather than what isn't. I can easily spot the errors once a certain period of time has past, but if I edit new chapters that way, updates will take weeks, months even.
A few people have offered to beta for me, but unfortunately I just don't have the time for that. Naturally, most beta readers lead busy lives, and them looking over the chapter and discussing things with me will, once again, cause updates to take weeks. And I really don't want that. Because if my update schedule ends up like that, I'll never get any work done, and I know that some readers can jump ship if updates take too long. I can be one of those people sometimes. If an update takes too long on a story I'm reading, I forget what's going on, so I'm always confused when I read the latest update, and the prospect of going back and re-reading the whole story to refresh my memory ain't gonna fly with me. I'm often too busy to read as it is, let alone re-read an entire story.
So yeah, that's why I put too much pressure on myself and get all twitchy when I take forever to write one of my chapters. I'm terrified that my readers are going to bail on me. I crave your attention! *sobs*
I never used to be like this on FanFiction, which is weird. It's only during this past year that I've developed this habit. Before, my updates could take weeks, sometimes months, and I wouldn't lose a wink of sleep over it. But now I'm rocking backwards and forwards in the corner, foaming at the mouth, obsessed with meeting my own personal deadlines and having a nervous breakdown when I can't.
This is why I'm particularly sensitive to reviews nagging me to hurry up with the next update. I get anxious enough without people acting all entitled, demanding that I get the next chapter out. As I've explained before, I'm flattered that people enjoy my work to a point where they're desperate for me to update, but I'm only human. I can only do so much and write so fast, especially when I have a lot going on, or if I've been ill like I have been at the moment. I don't mind people expressing concern for me if an update is taking longer than normal, or people just telling me they're excited for the next chapter. It's when people are like "hurry up!" that I start taking issue.
And I literally got one of those reviews today. I was not a happy bunny. But I have noticed that nine times out of ten, it's anonymous reviewers who do stuff like that, so I can never reply to them to politely tell them to knock it off, or explain why an update is taking a while. Makes me wonder if they know they're being rude and then hide behind anonymity. But I know a lot of people tend to think writers and creators are machines, and it's annoying. For most of us, writing is a hobby. We're posting our content on the internet for FREE, and we use up our own free time to give you the content that you love so cut us some slack. I feel guilty and bad enough about delays without people getting bossy with me.
I know, I know, I rant about this a lot, but it's only because people keep doing it! They're obviously not paying attention, so I'm going to keep screaming about it until I'm blue in the face. Stop. Bossing. Me. Around.
Anyway, I'll stop ranting now. I hope I'm not coming across as horrible when I say all this stuff. It's just a huge pet peeve of mine, and it really annoys me. I'm grateful that people love my work, but I just hate it when people get all entitled with me. I don't like when people do that to me in real life, let alone when it's a bunch of strangers over the internet.
Other than trying to plan, write and edit this week, I'm still consumed by Animal Crossing: New Leaf. I ended up deleting my town and starting again. It's a running gag with everyone who knows me at this point that I always end up re-starting my towns in that game. It's because I never plan properly so everything ends up being a mess and I have no room to build anything. But this time, I'm determined to plan my town properly. I really like the layout of my new town, and I'm super excited to progress with it.
I've also been trying to make some time for drawing and painting too. It's a hobby that really helps me relax, especially during times like this when my anxiety is at its worse. But I am in desperate need for some new paint brushes, particularly the thin ones. I've messed mine up now, and they have bristles sticking out everywhere which can ruin my work sometimes. Who knows, maybe I might get some for Christmas which will definitely be appreciated.
Anyway, I think this blog entry has gone on for long enough. To those that celebrate it, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, and to those that don't, I hope you have a wonderful week.
Pixie out.
So of course, this meant that I didn't get to write Madness Within and Chat Vert for when I wanted. I really do apologise over the huge gap between updates for those stories. I've been so busy trying to write Twelve Days of Chatmas, and make sure that the chapters were all edited and ready to be posted everyday.
A daily upload schedule is so hard to maintain. But I've actually been really proud of myself over how I've managed to pull it off. Though I'm still going to crash and rest when that story is over. It's been fun to write and I'm happy to have gifted it to such amazing friends, but I can't see me ever doing a daily upload challenge again. Not to mention it sends my statistics haywire. Plus, reviewers don't seem to be able to keep up with daily uploads. But still, if any other fanfiction writer out there wants a challenge, try updating every day, because it certainly is very challenging indeed.
But speaking of Twelve Days of Chatmas, I ended up screwing something up. I had originally intended to have the final chapter be posted on Christmas Day, as I mentioned in last week's blog entry, but because I'm an idiot and thanks to my dyscalculia, I miscalculated the days. So now the final chapter of Twelve Days of Chatmas will be posted on Christmas Eve instead. Oh well, I supposed that works out for the best. I doubt many people will be active on FanFiction on Christmas Day.
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| Twelve Days of Chatmas Notes |
But this period of insomnia and anxiety should be over soon. I mean, I live in a constant state of anxiety (thanks abnormal brain), but I go through periods where it gets worse. This is one of those periods. I'll have pretty bad attacks and it'll stop me from sleeping properly. But it should pass soon.
I managed to get at least some work done on Chat Vert. I feel so bad that it is taking so long for the second chapter to be released. I was hoping to have it uploaded last Saturday, but once again, I had a very bad night's sleep. I thought I would try and power through anyway and managed to get a good chunk of the chapter written, but then all of a sudden I got really stressed for some reason and subsequently couldn't concentrate. TLOS21 is always there to reassure me when I can't get a chapter out, reminding me to put my own well-being first and that readers can wait. But it still doesn't really stop me from feeling guilty. I put way too much pressure on myself sometimes. I guess that's because I always have this deep fear of disappointing people.
Of course, that's when the headaches started, which further hindered my concentration. Painkillers for some reason don't work that well on me, they never have done, so I often just have to sit there and suffer. At this point, I was worried that the next chapter of Chat Vert would look and feel rushed, and the last thing I want to do is give you guys something of bad quality just because I'm desperate to get a chapter out. So yeah, all of my new chapters have ended up being delayed.
Because I feel so bad about the huge delay, here's a small sneak peak at chapter two of Chat Vert:
“There you are! Where on earth have you been?!” Alya’s yelling startled Marinette as she whipped her gaze around to the side just in time to see her best friend hiding in a bush before she reached for her.
Marinette yelped as she was suddenly tugged into the bush alongside Alya who began frantically checking her phone. Meanwhile, Marinette tried to catch her breath and smooth out her clothes, ready for the moment. Though what Alya was doing hiding in a bush, Marinette wasn’t sure. She didn’t remember that being part of the plan. Marinette was sure that the plan was for Alya to meet her by the entrance, and that they were both going to pretend to casually stroll through the park, bumping into Adrien and Nino halfway through who were going to use the other entrance. Alya and Nino were then going to make their excuses and head off, leaving Marinette and Adrien alone under the romantic, spring blossoms. Then Marinette would make her move.
Oh no.
Did this mean that something else had gone wrong? Was Marinette too late and had missed her opportunity? Had Nino and Adrien already walked by and now Alya and Nino were trying to fix the situation? Marinette knew that she had a bad feeling as soon as she woke up. This whole thing was a total disaster, and she never should have agreed to it! What had she been thinking with this complicated plan?! Something was bound to go wrong! The plan had been doomed since the start!
“Marinette, are you okay?” Alya’s concerned voice pulled Marinette out of her thoughts. “You’ve gone really pale all of a sudden.”
“I…” Marinette squeaked. “I’ve blown it, haven’t I?”
Alya’s eyes widened. “No, no, no,” she quickly reassured, “though you would have if Adrien and Nino had arrived on time,” she quickly mumbled that last part.
“What?!” Marinette shrieked.
I hope this shows that I have actually been trying to work on new chapters. Thanks to lack of sleep and illness, I haven't really been able to do much work towards finishing it.
However, I didn't just want to sit around and do nothing. I may not be able to write new chapters properly, but I could still do tasks for my stories that required less brain power.
I think it's safe to say that I'm starting to get the hang of AO3 now. I started to get a little apprehensive about posting Destiny's Dance on AO3 since it was my first Miraculous Ladybug fanfiction, and I didn't think it was that good. Plus, I feel like we're too far into the series now for people to be interested or make sense of it. With Madness Within, I feel like I can get away with the canon divergence more since it is set in, as RoseySparrow likes to amusingly put it, 'The Darkest Timeline'. It's obviously a dark AU. But with Destiny's Dance, I tried to stick more with the canon, filling in the blanks that were in the show at the time as well as finally providing some sort of plot and background for Marinette.
But after some more positive reviews came in for Destiny's Dance on FanFiction, I decided 'why the hell not', and finally published it on AO3. You can now read Destiny's Dance on Archive of Our Own by clicking here. It has already been met with some positive feedback, so now I'm now pretty confident in continuing it on there.
At least now, that should finally give me the chance to clean that story up. As Madness Within is also on AO3, I was editing the chapters once again as I was posting, the long period of time between last editing the chapters has allowed me to spot typos more easily, so I would update the chapters on FanFiction as I posted them on AO3. So yeah, if you go back and look at the first five chapters of Madness Within on FanFiction now, you'll notice they're a lot cleaner with hopefully no errors to be seen. Having Destiny's Dance also on AO3 gives me the chance to edit, whereas before, I kept putting it off.
Speaking of AO3, my updating schedule on there will change as of next week. Madness Within will no longer be updated on Tuesdays, but instead on Fridays. Destiny's Dance will be updated on Wednesdays. So that means you can also expected tidier versions of certain chapters to be posted on FanFiction on the same days as well.
When going through my chapters of those stories, I can't believe just how many stupid errors that I missed while editing. For some reason, I'm really bad at editing my own FanFiction. I partly blame it on a lack of time, and partly because, well, it's my own work, so I often read what I expect to be there rather than what isn't. I can easily spot the errors once a certain period of time has past, but if I edit new chapters that way, updates will take weeks, months even.
A few people have offered to beta for me, but unfortunately I just don't have the time for that. Naturally, most beta readers lead busy lives, and them looking over the chapter and discussing things with me will, once again, cause updates to take weeks. And I really don't want that. Because if my update schedule ends up like that, I'll never get any work done, and I know that some readers can jump ship if updates take too long. I can be one of those people sometimes. If an update takes too long on a story I'm reading, I forget what's going on, so I'm always confused when I read the latest update, and the prospect of going back and re-reading the whole story to refresh my memory ain't gonna fly with me. I'm often too busy to read as it is, let alone re-read an entire story.
So yeah, that's why I put too much pressure on myself and get all twitchy when I take forever to write one of my chapters. I'm terrified that my readers are going to bail on me. I crave your attention! *sobs*
I never used to be like this on FanFiction, which is weird. It's only during this past year that I've developed this habit. Before, my updates could take weeks, sometimes months, and I wouldn't lose a wink of sleep over it. But now I'm rocking backwards and forwards in the corner, foaming at the mouth, obsessed with meeting my own personal deadlines and having a nervous breakdown when I can't.
This is why I'm particularly sensitive to reviews nagging me to hurry up with the next update. I get anxious enough without people acting all entitled, demanding that I get the next chapter out. As I've explained before, I'm flattered that people enjoy my work to a point where they're desperate for me to update, but I'm only human. I can only do so much and write so fast, especially when I have a lot going on, or if I've been ill like I have been at the moment. I don't mind people expressing concern for me if an update is taking longer than normal, or people just telling me they're excited for the next chapter. It's when people are like "hurry up!" that I start taking issue.
And I literally got one of those reviews today. I was not a happy bunny. But I have noticed that nine times out of ten, it's anonymous reviewers who do stuff like that, so I can never reply to them to politely tell them to knock it off, or explain why an update is taking a while. Makes me wonder if they know they're being rude and then hide behind anonymity. But I know a lot of people tend to think writers and creators are machines, and it's annoying. For most of us, writing is a hobby. We're posting our content on the internet for FREE, and we use up our own free time to give you the content that you love so cut us some slack. I feel guilty and bad enough about delays without people getting bossy with me.
I know, I know, I rant about this a lot, but it's only because people keep doing it! They're obviously not paying attention, so I'm going to keep screaming about it until I'm blue in the face. Stop. Bossing. Me. Around.
Anyway, I'll stop ranting now. I hope I'm not coming across as horrible when I say all this stuff. It's just a huge pet peeve of mine, and it really annoys me. I'm grateful that people love my work, but I just hate it when people get all entitled with me. I don't like when people do that to me in real life, let alone when it's a bunch of strangers over the internet.
Other than trying to plan, write and edit this week, I'm still consumed by Animal Crossing: New Leaf. I ended up deleting my town and starting again. It's a running gag with everyone who knows me at this point that I always end up re-starting my towns in that game. It's because I never plan properly so everything ends up being a mess and I have no room to build anything. But this time, I'm determined to plan my town properly. I really like the layout of my new town, and I'm super excited to progress with it.
I've also been trying to make some time for drawing and painting too. It's a hobby that really helps me relax, especially during times like this when my anxiety is at its worse. But I am in desperate need for some new paint brushes, particularly the thin ones. I've messed mine up now, and they have bristles sticking out everywhere which can ruin my work sometimes. Who knows, maybe I might get some for Christmas which will definitely be appreciated.
Anyway, I think this blog entry has gone on for long enough. To those that celebrate it, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, and to those that don't, I hope you have a wonderful week.
Pixie out.
So sorry you were so stressed out. I'm glad you seem to be feeling better now. Daily updates - especially the caliber you were posting - is so difficult. I did a daily prompt challenge a few years back and didn't get much farther than 12 days myself, and that was with each day being it's own one-shot. You posting a new chapter each day with the holidays looming is a feat that still amazes me weeks later. A million times thank you for putting in that effort.
ReplyDeleteAs an author who either has everything done before posting the first chapter, or one who takes months between updates, the fact that you update MULTIPLE stories weekly astounds me. You are more amazing than you know. And you do such a great job keeping us updated here, poo on those who harass you to write faster. Sadly, you are not alone. A lot of fic writers get harassed. :(
Anyway, best of luck to you with the new year's scheduling.
I forgot to mention how lovely your handwriting is, and that I loved seeing the original notes/ideas for the chapters.
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