Well...these past two weeks have certainly been interesting to say the least. I apologise for not updating you guys on what was going on last week, especially seen as I said I would have the next chapter of Madness Within up nearly two weeks ago, which ended up being delayed until this past Monday. To put it simply, I had a lot going on. These past two weeks have not been a fun time for me and I'd love nothing more than to rant and go into what happened, but I don't think you guys would appreciated that and it is a pretty private issue. Ahhh life.
But thank you guys so much for being patient with me. It definitely makes my life easier now that people have stopped bossing me around, demanding that I update. I really appreciate that my message was listened to. I understand that people get excited over stories, I do too, but I hate it when people act all entitled and start bossing me around. But anyway, I've already ranted about that. Plus, I've had so many lovely, supportive people messaging me and offering to be there for me and reassuring me which is really sweet of you all. Sometimes it's easy to forget that there is in fact a lot of kindness in the world.
After a nearly two week delay, I finally uploaded the next chapter of Madness Within, which you can read by clicking here if you haven't read it already. It took me forever to write this chapter. Every time I would sit down to write it, something would always happen that would either distract me or sap my motivation for writing. Then towards the end of last week, whenever I would try to write, I would end up having anxiety attacks and I have no idea why. Speaking of being stressed and anxious over updating and everything that's been happening to me, huge shout out to my dear friend TLOS21 for being there for me and helping me through it all. Sorry for constantly harassing you over Facebook with my issues, you truly are a wonderful friend. And don't forget to...
This sign was a funny idea that TLOS21 had, so I decided to create my own version. I feel like I should take this sign's advice, but like TLOS21, I laugh at the notion of fangirling responsibly! Bahahaha! Where's the fun if you can't get fully invested into stuff? But this was definitely something that cheered me up. You continue to binge watch Inuyasha, my friend. I have faith in you. Let's see if you can beat my record of getting through almost two seasons in a day. I challenge thee!
Anyway, back to Madness Within. Luckily, I did finally manage to upload the chapter. I really didn't feel like the chapter was up to my usual standard. I don't know, it just didn't feel...right to me. It just didn't feel like the chapter I had envisioned in my head and I feel like I didn't capture the emotion as well as I could have. But no one has pointed this out to me, and judging by the reviews, everyone seemed to really enjoy the chapter. So maybe I'm just worrying over nothing?
But of course, after a week of anxiety, I inevitably crashed and suffered a nasty depression episode. I couldn't sleep properly - more so than usual - and most of my creativity simply vanished. So sadly, I have made little to no progress with the re-write of Immortal Bond this past week. It was definitely one of the worst depression crashes that I've had in a while. However, I am hoping to be receiving professional help again soon, so hopefully maybe that will help prevent more of these from happening in the future, which can often distract me from writing. I'm just on the waiting list at the moment. So yeah, if you suffer from depression like me, or any other mental illness, then please seek help. I've been in and out of therapy pretty much most of my life and there's no shame in it. It really does help. Though me saying I'm constantly needing to go back probably doesn't make a good case for that. Therapy does help me feel better, it's just more stuff will happen in my life that will cause me to relapse. But I am hoping to try and cleanse all the toxic people from my life. I'm just kinda stuck at the moment as I don't have the means to.
However, I knew that I couldn't keep wallowing around, feeling sorry for myself. I decided to stand up and fight against my depression this week and crawl out of that deep, dark hole that I keep falling into. That's when I came across my old FictionPress account that had been spending years collecting dust. I made the account years ago to post some original work which I ended up quickly deleting because of how awful it was.
Weirdly, I've been feeling very poetic lately. I don't know if it's the depression or my genes kicking in, but I just kept getting the urge to express my feelings through poetry. I always worry that I'm annoying people when I go on and on and on about the stuff that's bothering me, and I've tried for years to keep a diary, but that idea never works. I always end up forgetting about it. Writing fanfiction, particularly Madness Within is helpful for me, but it doesn't get all of my own personal feelings off my chest seen as I'm mainly writing from Adrien's or Marinette's point of view who have their own issues in that story.
So I thought why the hell not write poetry? Poetry has always been something I have been fairly interested in after all. I'm not very good at it, but hey, it actually seemed to help me, and I suppose that's what really matters at the end of the day. So I figured I'd use my old FictionPress account and post it on there, and you can access my account by clicking here.
Another way I thought I could help myself was by drawing and painting again. My poor sketchbook has been neglected for a while and I got inspired to paint a few pieces, one of which I'm working on right now. Who knows, maybe I'll even create a DeviantArt account or something one day. I know my boyfriend and other people have been nagging me to do so in the past, but I don't know. I don't think I'm that good. I don't think I'm awful, but I'm definitely not on a professional level by any means. My artwork tends to lean towards the dark and disturbing side, but then again, would you expect nothing less from me?
These techniques seem to have worked. I'm still anxious and depressed like usual, but I'm finding it less distracting and my brain actually started getting more creative again, and not just for dark stuff. Ideas started pouring into my brain for Chat Vert. I think this story is going to be quite challenging for me seen as this will be the first lighthearted story I will have written in years. My past few fanfictions have all been fairly dark. Though this story will be full of drama, there will be no darker elements like in Destiny's Dance, Immortal Bond, and especially Madness Within. So here's hoping that Chat Vert turns out well. I'm hoping to devote pretty much my entire weekend to working on this story. At the moment I'm aiming to have it published by next Friday, but we'll see how things go.
I also hope to get the next chapter of Madness Within out next week as well. It will probably be either Wednesday, Thursday or Saturday that are looking like the most likely days for an update for that story. I'm getting sick of the almost three week gaps between updates for that story. The updating schedule for that story was never meant to be like that. Usually a two week gap at most. I'm way more behind than I would like to be with that story. It's annoying me and making me twitchy. Especially because I have so many other ideas in the works. I don't want to be having to update too many fanfictions at once, I usually put my maximum at three. So because I'm so behind with Madness Within, it means that other stuff will be delayed in publishing.
This is why I'm trying to write a lot of chapters for Chat Vert in advance. It means I won't be as stressed and means I can work on other ideas. I don't like updating more than once a week now because that way it gives people time to read the chapters. Most of my reviews seem to flood in a few days after a chapter has been uploaded so I like to give those people a chance to read and voice their opinions about a particular chapter.
I've also changed my name back to Taurus Pixie on fanfiction.net to avoid confusion. Everywhere else on the internet I've always been known as Taurus Pixie, it's just always been my pseudonym, so it just made sense to change it back. Fanfiction.net is literally the only place I was known as Jowy's Pixie, a name I changed my fanfiction.net account to mainly as an inside joke. But now it's back to Taurus Pixie again.
Speaking of fanfiction, I actually swallowed my fear and signed up to Archive of Our Own. I'll be working on there under the name TaurusPixie and will probably be uploading Destiny's Dance and Madness Within onto the site in the hopes of getting a wider opinion of my work. I'm still trying to figure out how the site works though. At the moment it's still really complicated and intimidating for me, so don't expect anything on there too soon. I'm still finding my way. I've enlisted my good friend LycoRogue's help seen as she is active on that site as well. I can't thank her enough for her help. She's so amazing and you should really check out her Miraculous Ladybug fanfictions. She writes like a professional. I'll keep you guys posted and let you know as soon as I'm active on there.
As for Tumblr, well sadly I'm still not active on there at the moment as I have still banned myself. I'm still checking messages and stuff, but I'm not browsing anything. I still haven't seen the season two finale of Miraculous Ladybug and the delay on the English release is driving me crazy. I'm getting really super impatient at this point. I can't browse YouTube, fanfiction, Tumblr or Twitter and I'm going bananas. Honestly, me and my boyfriend are seriously on the verge of watching the subbed version because we're getting that terrified of spoilers. I've already seen a few which is infuriating. I have nothing against watching subbed versions, I just often prefer to watch the English version first so I'm not switching between reading and watching the action. I can multitask and do this, but it still requires more concentration and I still run the risk of missing something important.
One final thing I want to let you guys know about is I've finally tweaked my blog and managed to figure out how to include a follow button and all that jazz. So yeah, just on the right, you can click the follow button, or you can subscribe to my posts, or you can just input your email address (though I think it has to be a gmail one), so hopefully you can be notified on when I post something on here. You can also easily access links to my different online accounts just underneath.
Here's hoping that I manage to get all the stuff done that I have planned over this coming week because I always seem to be jinxed when I make plans. Something always blows me off course. So I've probably jinxed myself right now by telling you all of this. I guess we'll see how things go.
Pixie out.
But thank you guys so much for being patient with me. It definitely makes my life easier now that people have stopped bossing me around, demanding that I update. I really appreciate that my message was listened to. I understand that people get excited over stories, I do too, but I hate it when people act all entitled and start bossing me around. But anyway, I've already ranted about that. Plus, I've had so many lovely, supportive people messaging me and offering to be there for me and reassuring me which is really sweet of you all. Sometimes it's easy to forget that there is in fact a lot of kindness in the world.
After a nearly two week delay, I finally uploaded the next chapter of Madness Within, which you can read by clicking here if you haven't read it already. It took me forever to write this chapter. Every time I would sit down to write it, something would always happen that would either distract me or sap my motivation for writing. Then towards the end of last week, whenever I would try to write, I would end up having anxiety attacks and I have no idea why. Speaking of being stressed and anxious over updating and everything that's been happening to me, huge shout out to my dear friend TLOS21 for being there for me and helping me through it all. Sorry for constantly harassing you over Facebook with my issues, you truly are a wonderful friend. And don't forget to...
 | |
| (NOT!) |
Anyway, back to Madness Within. Luckily, I did finally manage to upload the chapter. I really didn't feel like the chapter was up to my usual standard. I don't know, it just didn't feel...right to me. It just didn't feel like the chapter I had envisioned in my head and I feel like I didn't capture the emotion as well as I could have. But no one has pointed this out to me, and judging by the reviews, everyone seemed to really enjoy the chapter. So maybe I'm just worrying over nothing?
But of course, after a week of anxiety, I inevitably crashed and suffered a nasty depression episode. I couldn't sleep properly - more so than usual - and most of my creativity simply vanished. So sadly, I have made little to no progress with the re-write of Immortal Bond this past week. It was definitely one of the worst depression crashes that I've had in a while. However, I am hoping to be receiving professional help again soon, so hopefully maybe that will help prevent more of these from happening in the future, which can often distract me from writing. I'm just on the waiting list at the moment. So yeah, if you suffer from depression like me, or any other mental illness, then please seek help. I've been in and out of therapy pretty much most of my life and there's no shame in it. It really does help. Though me saying I'm constantly needing to go back probably doesn't make a good case for that. Therapy does help me feel better, it's just more stuff will happen in my life that will cause me to relapse. But I am hoping to try and cleanse all the toxic people from my life. I'm just kinda stuck at the moment as I don't have the means to.
However, I knew that I couldn't keep wallowing around, feeling sorry for myself. I decided to stand up and fight against my depression this week and crawl out of that deep, dark hole that I keep falling into. That's when I came across my old FictionPress account that had been spending years collecting dust. I made the account years ago to post some original work which I ended up quickly deleting because of how awful it was.
Weirdly, I've been feeling very poetic lately. I don't know if it's the depression or my genes kicking in, but I just kept getting the urge to express my feelings through poetry. I always worry that I'm annoying people when I go on and on and on about the stuff that's bothering me, and I've tried for years to keep a diary, but that idea never works. I always end up forgetting about it. Writing fanfiction, particularly Madness Within is helpful for me, but it doesn't get all of my own personal feelings off my chest seen as I'm mainly writing from Adrien's or Marinette's point of view who have their own issues in that story.
So I thought why the hell not write poetry? Poetry has always been something I have been fairly interested in after all. I'm not very good at it, but hey, it actually seemed to help me, and I suppose that's what really matters at the end of the day. So I figured I'd use my old FictionPress account and post it on there, and you can access my account by clicking here.
Another way I thought I could help myself was by drawing and painting again. My poor sketchbook has been neglected for a while and I got inspired to paint a few pieces, one of which I'm working on right now. Who knows, maybe I'll even create a DeviantArt account or something one day. I know my boyfriend and other people have been nagging me to do so in the past, but I don't know. I don't think I'm that good. I don't think I'm awful, but I'm definitely not on a professional level by any means. My artwork tends to lean towards the dark and disturbing side, but then again, would you expect nothing less from me?
These techniques seem to have worked. I'm still anxious and depressed like usual, but I'm finding it less distracting and my brain actually started getting more creative again, and not just for dark stuff. Ideas started pouring into my brain for Chat Vert. I think this story is going to be quite challenging for me seen as this will be the first lighthearted story I will have written in years. My past few fanfictions have all been fairly dark. Though this story will be full of drama, there will be no darker elements like in Destiny's Dance, Immortal Bond, and especially Madness Within. So here's hoping that Chat Vert turns out well. I'm hoping to devote pretty much my entire weekend to working on this story. At the moment I'm aiming to have it published by next Friday, but we'll see how things go.
I also hope to get the next chapter of Madness Within out next week as well. It will probably be either Wednesday, Thursday or Saturday that are looking like the most likely days for an update for that story. I'm getting sick of the almost three week gaps between updates for that story. The updating schedule for that story was never meant to be like that. Usually a two week gap at most. I'm way more behind than I would like to be with that story. It's annoying me and making me twitchy. Especially because I have so many other ideas in the works. I don't want to be having to update too many fanfictions at once, I usually put my maximum at three. So because I'm so behind with Madness Within, it means that other stuff will be delayed in publishing.
This is why I'm trying to write a lot of chapters for Chat Vert in advance. It means I won't be as stressed and means I can work on other ideas. I don't like updating more than once a week now because that way it gives people time to read the chapters. Most of my reviews seem to flood in a few days after a chapter has been uploaded so I like to give those people a chance to read and voice their opinions about a particular chapter.
I've also changed my name back to Taurus Pixie on fanfiction.net to avoid confusion. Everywhere else on the internet I've always been known as Taurus Pixie, it's just always been my pseudonym, so it just made sense to change it back. Fanfiction.net is literally the only place I was known as Jowy's Pixie, a name I changed my fanfiction.net account to mainly as an inside joke. But now it's back to Taurus Pixie again.
Speaking of fanfiction, I actually swallowed my fear and signed up to Archive of Our Own. I'll be working on there under the name TaurusPixie and will probably be uploading Destiny's Dance and Madness Within onto the site in the hopes of getting a wider opinion of my work. I'm still trying to figure out how the site works though. At the moment it's still really complicated and intimidating for me, so don't expect anything on there too soon. I'm still finding my way. I've enlisted my good friend LycoRogue's help seen as she is active on that site as well. I can't thank her enough for her help. She's so amazing and you should really check out her Miraculous Ladybug fanfictions. She writes like a professional. I'll keep you guys posted and let you know as soon as I'm active on there.
As for Tumblr, well sadly I'm still not active on there at the moment as I have still banned myself. I'm still checking messages and stuff, but I'm not browsing anything. I still haven't seen the season two finale of Miraculous Ladybug and the delay on the English release is driving me crazy. I'm getting really super impatient at this point. I can't browse YouTube, fanfiction, Tumblr or Twitter and I'm going bananas. Honestly, me and my boyfriend are seriously on the verge of watching the subbed version because we're getting that terrified of spoilers. I've already seen a few which is infuriating. I have nothing against watching subbed versions, I just often prefer to watch the English version first so I'm not switching between reading and watching the action. I can multitask and do this, but it still requires more concentration and I still run the risk of missing something important.
One final thing I want to let you guys know about is I've finally tweaked my blog and managed to figure out how to include a follow button and all that jazz. So yeah, just on the right, you can click the follow button, or you can subscribe to my posts, or you can just input your email address (though I think it has to be a gmail one), so hopefully you can be notified on when I post something on here. You can also easily access links to my different online accounts just underneath.
Here's hoping that I manage to get all the stuff done that I have planned over this coming week because I always seem to be jinxed when I make plans. Something always blows me off course. So I've probably jinxed myself right now by telling you all of this. I guess we'll see how things go.
Pixie out.
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