Do you guys ever feel like you can't do anything right? Because that's pretty much how I feel right now. I'm feeling really hard-done-by and pathetic for feeling this way, especially in the current world climate. It feels weird coming back to Pixie's Chronicle as well. Sometimes it just doesn't feel right that the world keeps on turning. When stuff like this happens, you expect things to freeze so that everyone can deal with things, but that doesn't happen. The planet doesn't care. The physics of the universe don't care. They just keep on going.
Sorry to get all deep there. I've had a lot of thoughts trapped inside my head over the past few days, and I'm only just now trying to articulate them. As you may have guessed from my COVID-19 updates, I haven't exactly been having the best of times. But then again, who has lately? We haven't experienced anything like this in over a century. Will we learn from it? Probably not. And I think that's what makes things even more depressing. The world will just go back to normal, even though it was that idea of normality that caused this disaster in the first place.
As you can probably tell from my weird, rambling intro, my mind isn't exactly in the best place right now. Mainly thanks to work and my own stupidity. Work has been tough enough as it is, but these past few days, I've been constantly getting into trouble with my manager for stuff I've done or haven't done. I've forgotten to confirm deliveries, I missplaced some money (luckily it got found), I've thrown the wrong batch of tickets away, I've been caught doodling when I was supposed to be working, I've been accused of laziness, as well as getting the blame for mistakes that my colleagues made. So yeah, I'm feeling pretty salty.
Yeah, a lot of those were my own fault, and I accept full responsibility for them, especially the doodling incident, but a lot of my other screw ups were a result of lack of proper training and being left in charge for a long period of time with little to no experience under my belt. Of course there's also the added stress of Coronavirus on top of that. So these past few days at work when my manager has been back, I feel like all I've done is be yelled at, received passive aggressive comments, been given the cold shoulder, ignored, and almost feeling like my colleagues are conspiring against me. I haven't been credited for all the good I've done. The regional manager gave me a brief thank you, but she didn't even mention my name. I got lumbered in with the rest of 'the team' when I'm the one that's been putting all the extra hours in. Not that I'm trying to take away from everything my colleagues have done and achieved. But they've only been at work around 2 days a week, when I've been pulling 6 full days in a row.
Sorry if I'm sounding really entitled and pathetic right now, but it's something that's been really bugging me lately. If this trend continues, I'm probably going to have to start looking for another job. Which is a huge shame because I love my job, I just hate the way I get treated most of the time. I had high hopes of a promotion, but now I'm not even sure if I deserve it or even want it.
I feel so bad for complaining about all of that when there's doctors and nurses dealing with so much more than me on the front line, on top of the way that the government treats them. I feel like I have no right to complain. I still have my job while others have lost theirs. So that makes me feel even more awful on top of everything else. My therapy this week has been cancelled, so I've got no outlet for all of these feelings. My boyfriend has been a star through all of this, but I feel guilty for constantly whining and complaining about all my problems to him. He has needs too, and I feel like I'm neglecting him. And I feel like I'm neglecting my friends.
Luckily my boyfriend has been able to distract me through some of this, mainly watching animes such as Overlord and Tiger & Bunny together. He's had the patience of a saint whenever I've been ranting and rambling about work and all the other stuff, and I really have no idea how he puts up with me. He's my rock.
He's also helped me relax during my rare free time (though luckily I have been getting more of it lately) by playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons with me. Though I must admit that I am incredibly jealous that he's now gotten a lot further ahead in the game than I have. But it's so much fun having him to play with. As well as LycoRogue and her husband. Yes, LycoRogue has now finally given in and gotten sucked into the world of Animal Crossing mwah ha ha ha ha! I was very quick to raid her island, especially since she had oranges.
I also got to hear her voice for the very first time - and she got to hear mine - when my boyfriend and I had a group call so that we could communicate better while playing. We've been friends for way over a year at this point, and that's the first time I'd ever heard her voice. We had so much fun! Her island name is hilarious by the way. Ghetta Way Island. Genius! Her husband's island's name is simply called 'An Island', which is just as funny! It certainly helped cheer me up during all of this.
If you guys are into Animal Crossing: New Horizons like me, hit me up and I'll gladly give you my friend code.
Not to mention my boyfriend has helped me remember to complete my Duolingo daily language lessons. It was my main New Year's resolution to complete a language lesson every single day, and if it wasn't for him reminding me, I would have lost my streak a long time ago, and I probably would have been found murdered in a back alley with a green feather as the only clue. Not that I can concentrate on my lessons as much as I would like to at the moment, but hey, something is better than nothing at all. So yeah, I would be well and truly lost without him.
As for my stories, well, I still haven't had chance to touch them yet. I have had the opportunity to daydream about them a lot more lately, so that should hopefully get my creative juices flowing. I think I'll probably start focusing on getting stuff onto AO3 first since all I have to do is do some editing work. Reading my stories back over to myself further helps me get back into the swing of things. Not to mention I've neglected that poor account for far too long. Once I get my creative muscles nice and flexed again, I'll get straight back to writing up new chapters and content for my FanFiction account. I'm also hoping to start work on some original ideas as well. But I need to learn to crawl again before I can walk and then run.
I'm hoping to get things back to normal on my blog as well. By that I mean uploading a Pixie's Chronicle post every Saturday just let you guys know how I'm doing and what's going on, and also upload posts for Miraculous Monday that involve the show or fanfiction.
I've also now created an email address that you guys can get in touch with me on. I'll tend to be able to respond to people a lot quicker through this method. So yeah, the address is thetauruspixie@gmail.com.
I've had one reader ask if I had a Patreon account. As nice as that sounds, I can't be making money off my fanfiction projects, as that wanders into illegal copyright territory. I'm flattered that you would be willing to donate to me though. It gives me hope that maybe one day I could make a living out of writing. That would only be possible for my original work though. Who knows, maybe one day? It was super sweet of them to offer, and it certainly gave my ego a little bit of a stroke.
You guys really are the best. You have been so kind to me since the very beginning and you have made so much possible for me. You've been patient and understanding, and given me the best support that I could possibly ask for. You have all changed and shaped my life for the better. I'm so lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend, amazing readers and amazing friends. So despite me starting this blog post on a low note, let's end it on a high. Never forget how awesome you all are, especially during a time like this.
You're the best!
Sorry to get all deep there. I've had a lot of thoughts trapped inside my head over the past few days, and I'm only just now trying to articulate them. As you may have guessed from my COVID-19 updates, I haven't exactly been having the best of times. But then again, who has lately? We haven't experienced anything like this in over a century. Will we learn from it? Probably not. And I think that's what makes things even more depressing. The world will just go back to normal, even though it was that idea of normality that caused this disaster in the first place.
As you can probably tell from my weird, rambling intro, my mind isn't exactly in the best place right now. Mainly thanks to work and my own stupidity. Work has been tough enough as it is, but these past few days, I've been constantly getting into trouble with my manager for stuff I've done or haven't done. I've forgotten to confirm deliveries, I missplaced some money (luckily it got found), I've thrown the wrong batch of tickets away, I've been caught doodling when I was supposed to be working, I've been accused of laziness, as well as getting the blame for mistakes that my colleagues made. So yeah, I'm feeling pretty salty.
Yeah, a lot of those were my own fault, and I accept full responsibility for them, especially the doodling incident, but a lot of my other screw ups were a result of lack of proper training and being left in charge for a long period of time with little to no experience under my belt. Of course there's also the added stress of Coronavirus on top of that. So these past few days at work when my manager has been back, I feel like all I've done is be yelled at, received passive aggressive comments, been given the cold shoulder, ignored, and almost feeling like my colleagues are conspiring against me. I haven't been credited for all the good I've done. The regional manager gave me a brief thank you, but she didn't even mention my name. I got lumbered in with the rest of 'the team' when I'm the one that's been putting all the extra hours in. Not that I'm trying to take away from everything my colleagues have done and achieved. But they've only been at work around 2 days a week, when I've been pulling 6 full days in a row.
Sorry if I'm sounding really entitled and pathetic right now, but it's something that's been really bugging me lately. If this trend continues, I'm probably going to have to start looking for another job. Which is a huge shame because I love my job, I just hate the way I get treated most of the time. I had high hopes of a promotion, but now I'm not even sure if I deserve it or even want it.
I feel so bad for complaining about all of that when there's doctors and nurses dealing with so much more than me on the front line, on top of the way that the government treats them. I feel like I have no right to complain. I still have my job while others have lost theirs. So that makes me feel even more awful on top of everything else. My therapy this week has been cancelled, so I've got no outlet for all of these feelings. My boyfriend has been a star through all of this, but I feel guilty for constantly whining and complaining about all my problems to him. He has needs too, and I feel like I'm neglecting him. And I feel like I'm neglecting my friends.
Luckily my boyfriend has been able to distract me through some of this, mainly watching animes such as Overlord and Tiger & Bunny together. He's had the patience of a saint whenever I've been ranting and rambling about work and all the other stuff, and I really have no idea how he puts up with me. He's my rock.
He's also helped me relax during my rare free time (though luckily I have been getting more of it lately) by playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons with me. Though I must admit that I am incredibly jealous that he's now gotten a lot further ahead in the game than I have. But it's so much fun having him to play with. As well as LycoRogue and her husband. Yes, LycoRogue has now finally given in and gotten sucked into the world of Animal Crossing mwah ha ha ha ha! I was very quick to raid her island, especially since she had oranges.
I also got to hear her voice for the very first time - and she got to hear mine - when my boyfriend and I had a group call so that we could communicate better while playing. We've been friends for way over a year at this point, and that's the first time I'd ever heard her voice. We had so much fun! Her island name is hilarious by the way. Ghetta Way Island. Genius! Her husband's island's name is simply called 'An Island', which is just as funny! It certainly helped cheer me up during all of this.
If you guys are into Animal Crossing: New Horizons like me, hit me up and I'll gladly give you my friend code.
Not to mention my boyfriend has helped me remember to complete my Duolingo daily language lessons. It was my main New Year's resolution to complete a language lesson every single day, and if it wasn't for him reminding me, I would have lost my streak a long time ago, and I probably would have been found murdered in a back alley with a green feather as the only clue. Not that I can concentrate on my lessons as much as I would like to at the moment, but hey, something is better than nothing at all. So yeah, I would be well and truly lost without him.
As for my stories, well, I still haven't had chance to touch them yet. I have had the opportunity to daydream about them a lot more lately, so that should hopefully get my creative juices flowing. I think I'll probably start focusing on getting stuff onto AO3 first since all I have to do is do some editing work. Reading my stories back over to myself further helps me get back into the swing of things. Not to mention I've neglected that poor account for far too long. Once I get my creative muscles nice and flexed again, I'll get straight back to writing up new chapters and content for my FanFiction account. I'm also hoping to start work on some original ideas as well. But I need to learn to crawl again before I can walk and then run.
I'm hoping to get things back to normal on my blog as well. By that I mean uploading a Pixie's Chronicle post every Saturday just let you guys know how I'm doing and what's going on, and also upload posts for Miraculous Monday that involve the show or fanfiction.
I've also now created an email address that you guys can get in touch with me on. I'll tend to be able to respond to people a lot quicker through this method. So yeah, the address is thetauruspixie@gmail.com.
I've had one reader ask if I had a Patreon account. As nice as that sounds, I can't be making money off my fanfiction projects, as that wanders into illegal copyright territory. I'm flattered that you would be willing to donate to me though. It gives me hope that maybe one day I could make a living out of writing. That would only be possible for my original work though. Who knows, maybe one day? It was super sweet of them to offer, and it certainly gave my ego a little bit of a stroke.
You guys really are the best. You have been so kind to me since the very beginning and you have made so much possible for me. You've been patient and understanding, and given me the best support that I could possibly ask for. You have all changed and shaped my life for the better. I'm so lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend, amazing readers and amazing friends. So despite me starting this blog post on a low note, let's end it on a high. Never forget how awesome you all are, especially during a time like this.
You're the best!
Duo the Owl and Zipper the Bunny are waiting for you down a dark alleyway! 0_0
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you have been dealing with so much. Please keep in mind how stressed everyone (more or less) is with COVID-19, and the fact that you already had mental health issues AND you haven't had a break to recoup in the most stressful time you've (likely) lived through is a LOT to take on. Please try to forgive yourself your faults during this. As long as you learn from past mistakes – such as the doodling (but I get it, it probably was helping you de-stress at work) – and maintain as much professionalism as possible so that you don't have to worry about your job security, then I'd personally let the rest of it slide best you can. Your managers and coworkers are stressed too, and maybe they don't know of constructive ways to deal, so more shit rolls downhill. I hope the situation evens out for you, but if you love your job that much, please try to wait out this storm if you can. If it's too stressful for you, however, you need to do what's best for you. Best of luck.
On a happier note, I've also been loving the brief visits we can have with each other thanks to AC:NH! <3 It was amazing to hear both of your voices as well. Such a relaxing game. You're right. I got suckered in. XD And don't worry about the FOMO. I haven't worked in weeks, and Hubby works practically nonstop at the local grocery store, and yet (thanks to his gaming luck) he is LEAGUES farther in the game than I am! He already has all the additions to his house, has relocated it, has customized the front, has completely re-designed the whole island (more or less), has K.K. Slider locked in for his visit, is well on his way to a 4th star rating for the island, AND has more bells than he knows what to do with them! (He just bought 4000 turnips today). He's also caught more rare fish/insects and found more OF THEM than I have (hence the bells). Really, the only thing I have that he doesn't is the Able Sisters shop. Mainly because he's had non-stop visitors this week between Flick (when he landed on Tarantula Island, no less!), C.J., Saharah, the fishing tournament, Bunny Day, and then K.K. coming up. So... yeah... I feel that island FOMO hard as well!
Aren't S/Os the best though!? I know I massively dump on Hubby, and it's rare that he equally dumps his stress onto me. Even now with everything, it's rare that he vents about anything, and if he does, it's for like 10mins as opposed to the 2hrs+ from me when I used to be working. He's just such a great listener, and I don't know what I'd do without his calming presence. I'm so SO glad your boyfriend can do the same for you.
And please remember how awesome YOU are as well. Love ya lots, hun!
Also, it always makes our day when people appreciate our island names. So thank you. ^_^ <3 I still giggle whenever Hubby comes to visit me or I him. "We have flights to An Island" or "Zalic from An Island is visiting" XDDDDD
DeleteYeah, I totally get how stressed everyone is. But I feel like my manager is taking it out on me a little bit too much. I wasn't even really thinking too much about the doodling at the time. It was the end of my shift and I was bored. It seemed silly to start any huge task when I'd be stopping as soon as I started. So I just grabbed a clip-board and started doing some studying and that's when it turned into a few random doodles. I get the feeling my manager was under the impression that I'd spent the whole day doing it.
DeleteI get why she told me off for it, but my colleagues do far worse things at work and they never get into trouble. Some have shouted at customers, one of my colleague's is on her phone all the time, and she's left the store unattended and full of customers. Between my regional manager and my general manager, I keep feeling like I'm being treated like I'm stupid. Sure, I'm not as smart as the average person and can be slow when it comes to a lot of things, but I keep trying to ask for help with this stuff, and I never get it.
Ack, there I go ranting again. Sorry.
See! I told you it was an amazing and relaxing game! That is until you keep catching a bunch of sea bass grrrr. He has all the additions to his house already?! Wowzers! Now I'm definitely jealous! He managed all of that on top of work? Your husband is a legend! He got flick and tarantula island on the same day?! How jammy is that?!
Awwww thank you! We're both so lucky ^_^
I'll let you in on a crappy bit of life advice: if you're getting the hammer thrown down on you for doing something like doodling the last couple minutes of your shift, and your coworkers are getting away scott-free while doing far worse, it's probably because the management has given up on trying to turn them into professional employees. You, on the other hand, keep changing your behavior to try to appease them (probably why they wanted you on the management fast track to start with) so they have much higher standards for you, and if you don't meet them EXACTLY you get yelled at, no matter how minor the infraction. Because they expect perfect professionalism from you now. It's not fair, and I routinely fall into the same pitfall *shakes fist* DAMN YOU, WORK ETHIC!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt sucks, but I've seen via myself, my husband, and a few of my friends, that it doesn't matter the job or the management. The same issue always seems to arise, especially within companies that have high employee turn-arounds and/or are desperate for workers, because you would have to REALLY screw up in order to get fired due to management now having to hire and train someone new if they do fire you.
(Also, my husband is a couch potato, but he works hard, so I allow it. ;) )